Do you hit your kids?

Question

I have a toddler who I have never smacked, slapped or spanked. He spilt a cup of juice the other day and my dad piped up with 'you would have got a belting for that when you were small' I was pretty shocked by it, I mean he is only two and it was an accident, not that he would have deserved to have been hit even if it wasn't an accident. I am a bit scared to leave him alone with my dad now incase he punishes my little one in this way.
Do parents still do this with their kids today or is it an old fashioned way of dealing with bad behaviour? I have never made a concious effort not to slap my son I have just never considered it. To be honest he has never made me so mad that I have hit out at him. I hope I never do because as an adult I feel I should be able to control my anger when dealing with a child otherwise who is more of a child me or him? I know some of you will probably get mad about my way of thinking but be honest do you really go away and think about your childs misbehaviour

and then think 'well that deserves a slap' and come back and do it or do you do it on the spot out of anger at them? I just can't bare the thought of hurting my own child in this way! but maybe I just have a toddler who is the exception and is just placcid and well behaved by nature, or maybe he is just late hitting the terrible two's. But I still can't see what good hitting him will do won't he just learn to hit others when he is angry? it's not my intention to judge others or anything like that just some of the things my dad said about my way of parenting just made me feel very weak, he reckons my boy will walk all over me when he is old enough if I don't show him who is boss now. Is this true in your experience? what is your take on the slapping issue?

the one who said I think my dad abused me, I did not say that or even suggest that. I just don't think he has a right to put his hands on my child out of anger. I would never hit someone else's liittle child so why should I think it's ok for others to hit mine?

Answer 1

My dad used to hit me when I was a kid and I resented it. Your dad sounds like mine as I too would get a 'belting' for minor accidents such as knocking over a vase. I only see him at Christmas now as I also have a toddler who I've vowed never to slap,hit or spank. Theres always another way to deal with bad behaviour when it arises. If you feel like you're losing control just walk away for a moment to calm down and think straight. I believe you shouldn't teach children violence is the only way to modify someone Else's behaviour.

Answer 2

I feel that when I was a child I got slapped for some really pointless things. My main thing is being hit for accidents like you have mentioned. Like spilling something. It annoys me to this day. I have a two year old and would never dream of hurting her like I was. Im not saying i was overly hit or beaten. Although he did tend to use his slipper or his hand. Nearly always on our bare legs and thighs. Im not a saint, I have given my daughter a tap on the hand or the bum but 99% of the time I use timeout. It works so much better. I feel so guilty if I give her a slap. I wont let her Daddy do it! Older people tend to think physical punishment is the best and thats why children and teens of today run riot, lack of discipline. I think it was just easier for them to give a few slaps than take the time to do the timeout thing and explain the wrong doing. Although is an accident wrong? How can you learn and promise not to do it again if its an accident. Explain to your Dad how you feel. He should respect your wishes.

Answer 3

All children should have a healthy fear of their parents. Not terror, mind you, but a general fear of cosequences. Not every bit of bad behavior deserves a slap. Spilling drinks as a toddler is no big deal. However, if you have a five year old, and theyre pissing about and thru this they knock something over, then i would pop em one. I only punish rude, dangerous or ignorant behavior, not natural childhood exuberance or accidents. I assume you only have this one toddler, which is really no hard feat. I have four, i invite you to have more, and see if you never "feel like lashing out" What do you do if your child reaches for the stovetop? Whats gonna scar worse, a wee slap on the hand or third degree burns? Ever watch Supernanny? See the kids who spit in their moms faces? I'll tell ya thats not old-fashioned, i dont imagine that ever happened when i was small. Apparently, the UK has the worst teenagers in the world, and its no surprise to me. Im from America, amd when i was a kid, my parents took no crap, my teachers took no crap, and failing all that there were police who had the power to act to control youth crime and i grew up with respect for authority, integrity and a sense of civic responsibility. If you think by not hitting your kid youre teaching him not to be violent, catch yourself on. If anything, youre teaching him that there are no serious consequences in life. You say even if he purposely chucked a drink on the floor, which is an act of selfish ignorance, you wouldnt make it clear beyond reasonable doubt that it was unnacceptable behavior. Fast forward fifteen years til he's slapping you for accidently spillin his drink. Under-punishing a child is every bit as bad parenting as the other extreme. Good Luck. Hope you dont have any more.

Answer 4

I am not doctor Phil, but, there is more going on here than meets the eye. If your Dad abused you (that is what you are thinking) you would know it!. If he didn't abuse you. Why would he abuse your child? If you read the Bible (yeah, that book with the dust on it), there are passages dealing with raising children, one of them is "spare the rod and spoil the child" Unfortunately words can be misunderstood. The child (any age) should not be slapped! A child should not be punished (by any means) because you are angry or upset. If you have to strongly correct a child, 1. it must be for his welfare 2. he must understand the reason for the punishment 3. he must be shown or explained why what he did was wrong. 4. You need to sit down and talk to daddy to find out his meaning. He might also tell you, " you never rode in a car seat when you were that age" But, does that mean, dad thinks it is stupid to put a child in a car seat, or simply, things were done different when you were a baby. You need to know! It is pretty hard to raise a child without help. If you try, you might end up abusing your own child, out of frustration.

Answer 5

I think you need to have a word with your Dad and explain that although you respect his views he is not ever to smack your child then explain the consequences of what would happen if he did , I'm sure he would get the message and realise you are serious about this.
I'm a single mum of a 4 year old and i have never smacked him and people often comment on my sons calm, friendly and loving nature. I try to rarely raise my voice and talk things through with him just as my mother did with me.
I'm also a qualified Nanny and now run a pre-School where we have a reputation as having a calm and warm environment and our children thrive on this, so please stick to your guns and don't be swayed, just be proud of being such a good and thought full parent. xx

Answer 6

you know your child is wonderful and lovely because you give him the time, attention, love and respect he deserves. I cant see any reason why you should EVER start smacking your son. I too have a son who is wonderful and i personally put this down to our parenting and the fact that we dont need to use physical punishment. You carry on as you are, your father is unfortunately old fashioned in his terms and i would hope he adores his grandson and im sure he would never strike him without your consent. Im highly shocked about the amount of parents who still use this old fashioned punishment, today we should be able to communicate with our children verbally, this goes hand in hand with loving contact though. Of course a child who hears nothing but negatives will act up and there will be no choice for the parent but to smack, but where will this go? a smack into a slap? a slap into a punch? worrying eh? thank you for bringing this to light. good luck and congratulations on being a wonderful parent xxx

Answer 7

My mum and dad walloped me a lot when I was young with slippers etc and it really hurt and for things like spilling drinks. I think its really bad, although I get on well with them now and it hasn't affected me at all. But I don't think that smacking you child on the bum or legs is that bad, even though if you can deal with them without having to do this then all the better. Your little one is only 2 so I wouldn't expect you to hit him. I wouldn't worry about your Dad I think its a generation thing, I mean you survived didnlt you so he must have done something right or did he beat you up as a kid? If not then don't worry about it. He's probably just saying that like a lot of adults do eg "in my day" blah blah blah!!!

Answer 8

I use to with my son but it was not at the moment of being mad what I mean if he did some thing wrong like broke a window then I would put him in front of the TV for 3 hours but the TV would be off and he couldn't leave for no reason even if he need to go to the bathroom that was a good one. If he was not beeing good in the class room and he was getting note's back from his teacher and sat with teacher one time during lunch then I told him if this happens you will get a spanking and guess what it happen again and he got what I said but he is to big now so there are better ways in doing stuff it is only when there are young this can be done. Not to say it is right I have seen both sides of this.

Answer 9

Teaching a child of two that there are consequences to his or her actions is difficult. Every parent uses different methods for different scenarios. Sometimes you will just take a toy, for example, and put it away. Sometimes you will put the child in a time out. Sometimes you just use a firm no, or stop to get your child to understand something they are doing is not acceptable.
In reality, sometimes pain is a great teaching method. If a child touches a hot burner on a stove for instance, it could do permanant damage to their hand, which would surely teach them not to touch the stove anymore. A child getting hit by a car for playing in the street would be a very tragic event for the child and the parents.
Naturally your not going to burn your childs hand to teach them or let them get hit by a car, but you do need to do something to show there are grave consequences to those actions.
A spanking, on the bottom with an open hand with a very firm NO is just such a consequence that works.

I personally want my child to fear the street. I do not want either of them to wander into it on accident. I want their little brains to have all sorts of bells and whistles going off when they get near hard pavement. So when she gets near it, there is a consequence.

I never want to turn around to the refridgerator to get some milk out and have my son reach up and touch the pretty glowing red thing on the stove. So if he ever reaches up for it, there is a consequence.

I can not tell you how many times I have watched the news and heard som mother say " I only turned around for a second."
Do not be that person.

Do not discount spanking, but do not overuse it. In the spilt drink scenario there is no reason for a spanking, but sometimes it is the most effective communication to our young.

Just think to yourself, "what will hurt my child more, a spanking or_______________________ if whatever is in the blank will hurt more, then spank your child to save them from that hurt.

Answer 10

Hitting and disciplining are 2 countless issues. And if achieved sparingly and as a style of self-discipline, toddlers do not affiliate spanking as hitting. i become spanked as quickly as in an remarkable jointly as, as a toddler, on no account did I affiliate my fathers self-discipline with hitting others or being a bully. And at 5'10 and able to bench 250lbs in severe college, i will have wiped the floor with tremendously much absolutely everyone I felt like. you have gotten some very undesirable examples which you're drawing out of your individual toddlers, yet for people who're in charge and want the suitable for his or her toddlers can use this very useful style of self-discipline with out crossing the line and inflicting anger subjects with their toddlers. *** Hitting interior the face isn't self-discipline and that i actually think of which you are going to have been abused and hence can not affiliate the version***

Answer 11

Smacking is just a symptom of parental stress, the parent doesn't know what else to do and has completely lost control of the situation. I think it's kind of interesting that most parents who choose to smack do so because they were also smacked as children. It's a cycle of violence, and that's all it is.

I was never smacked and grew up just fine. You really don't need to hit somebody to get your point across. If an adult hits another adult that's termed as an assault - so why is it acceptable to do it to a child just because it's small and doesn't yet know any better? I don't think it's right at all.

I think perhaps some parents could definitely do with being sent to parenting classes, as they really don't seem to have much of a clue about how they could go about things in a different way, and that's a really sad situation. :-/