Am I In The Wrong?

Question

Months ago my mother revealed to me a family secret, which only i never knew about...it was of my father having other 2 children out there and being still officially married to this other women- people he abandoned years and years ago. At the time i was 15 and im only 16 now...it slipt out today that i had told my best friend this story, because it is something which schocked me at the time even though im not that close to my dad...my mum lost her mind and became very angry, saying that what is said in the family should have stayed there...i trust my best friend and that is why i told her...i find it hard to talk about these things with my family, because im a shy person and prefer to talk to my friends...I'm just wondering, am i in the wrong or is my mother right?

Answer 1

This is BIG NEWS and a lot to take in. You talking with someone - and it being your best friend - in my opinion - you did what was best for you. You had to talk it out, sort it out in your mind and take steps to deal with reality. Your mom is ashamed and embarrassed and I'm sure doesn't like it a bit - but she has to deal with the reality of it too. Hopefully, the two of you can discuss and talk it out.

Answer 2

.You are right. Your mother should have been truthful with you at an earlier age.. It is her dirty little secret and she feels ashamed, that is why she is reacting this way. A dear friend which I also have and tell everything to ,is most important to have at your side,. They are your sounding board when you need to vent and you can trust secrets not to go any further. I can imagine you are shocked and probably feel slighted by this. I think your Mom needs to get real, the world is not going to end, but now she has been exposed as well as your father and this does not look good in other peoples eyes..that I think is her biggest fear... that she has lied by omission and now people will know she hasn't been truthful. She is worried about her own persona and how she looks to others....

Answer 3

Knowing that it shocked you is understandable, but it is also understandable that your mother would be upset with this. For one, she feels that you have betrayed her by telling something that she thought you should know. By telling a friend, she probably feels like now that someone else knows, others will find out and look at you or your family different. Many families have secrets, and thats what they should stay, is as secrets. It is nice sometimes to get something off of your chest, but maybe instead, you should have talked to your mom, or family about it more if it was bothering you.

Answer 4

Well, I suppose you have to respect the fact your mother wanted it to be a "family" secret. But I don't think you were wrong to talk about it with your close and trusted friend. It was something that obviously had an impact on you and you needed someone to talk to about it. Your mother will probably get over it, but just give her a little time. Don't feel badly about the fact that you shared something important with a close friend... and try to help your mother see that that was all it was, you trying to get help to deal with your feelings.

Answer 5

Family secrets should stay within the family. Blood is thicker than water. Not even close friends could equal the importance of family members. Do not wash you dirty linen in public. Your mother is right. What is in the family belongs to the family.

Answer 6

If I knew some secret like that I wouldn't want to tell anyone for the sake of her telling someone else. It is after all a FAMILY secret. But on the other hand I do understand telling a best friend everything. I have a best friend and I run my mouth like crazy to her. Girls will be girls! : )

Answer 7

your mother probably feels guilty about being in the wrong all those years ago and is ashamed of her past actions and doesnt want more people to know about them, because the more people who know, the more insecure she feels. she therefore decides to transfer some guilt onto you, for telling people.
*plus rumors fly around, and you dont want to give your family a bad reputation in the community, especially if its a small community.
im guessing your mother is a pretty bad decision maker, in that she waited till you were in your mid teens to tell you this terrible fact. and to let you deal with it on your own is another thing. you did the right thing by telling someone at the time, humans are social creatures, we need to vent and communicate our concerns with other humans, im not saying your mums not human, she displays plenty of human qualities. nobodys perfect

Answer 8

I understand perfectly (being 16) I tell my friends things I can`t even tell my mom! and how did your mom find out that you told her? Your mom shouldn`t be so upset you needed to talk to someone and didn`t feel she was the one because you would prlly go off. But on the other hand your mom does kinda have a right to be mad because she told you that in confindence that you wouldn`t tell ANYONE... she feels betrayed.... and your dad can get into a LOT of trouble if anyone authoritive finds out we`re talking jail time! (@ least in the USA)

Answer 9

You are right. Your mother is engaging in unhealthy behaviour. She shouldn't ask her child to keep secrets. It's healthy to talk about things that bother you and you need to for your own mental health. You may even want to find a good guidance counsellor or therapist to talk about the issue in depth. You need to take care of your own needs and keeping family secrets is not a good idea. You may want to go to family counselling to help you deal with your mom's anger. It's not fair to you. Take care of yourself and get yourself lots of support. It's going to be hard for you for now and you'll need to have people to lean on.

Answer 10

You were right. You're in a difficult situation and you needed to talk to someone you can trust. That person was this friend of yours and as long as he/she didn't spread it around I see nothing wrong in your actions. Your mother is probably dealing with the situation herself and is simply afraid of people finding out.