my mum'sside of the family are angry cos they think i am "friendly" with my dad and his side of the family?

Question

mum + dad divorced about 10years ago and i don't see either side much but it's like i'm "not allowed" to see my dad because my mum hates him. how can i stop this bitterness + petty jealousy?

Answer 1

Sorry, but you can't stop it. It's not your problem. It's theirs! Blow it off and live your life your way!

Answer 2

You mum has to appreciate that he's your dad and you are going to want to see him. He left your mum he didn't leave his children and your mum should be happy that he is still taking an instead in his daughter as some men after a divorce do not.

I think that you need to sit down and tell your mum that you want to see your dad, and tell her that he is your dad and that is willing to see you and you'd like to see him. Make her understand that just because you are seeing you dad it doesn't mean that you will love her any less. Ask her if she'd rather she went behind her back and met up with him in secret, which something that you obviously do not want to do. She what her reaction to this is she may be angry but hopefully after a while she will come around, however if she doesn't you may have to toy with the idea of meeting up with him in secret, if this is the only way.

Answer 3

My Dad got here from a kinfolk of 5 and replaced into the youngest. He has one sister left alive in her ninety's that i do not bear in mind ok in any respect. My mom had 2 youthful brothers. The youngest brother replaced into an electric powered Engineer and my aunt replaced right into a R.N. both one among them continually watched their weight, were solid people, made an rather valuable searching couple, saved their funds, placed their 3 childrens by college, were married nicely over 50+ years in the past and their 2 oldest little ones that are closest to my age have continually been my prominent cousins. So it would want to must be on my mom's area. My Aunt is in her mid 70', remains very lively and has continually been there for me even as i necessary someone. ?

Answer 4

Oh dear, sometimes parents act like children and the children then have to act like the adults. I don't know the circumstances of their falling out and would say that unless your dad is a violent man and could cause you harm, you have a right to be in contact with him. Therefore you need to sit your mum down and calmly tell her that by seeing your dad doesn't mean you love or respect or any less. She may be worried that if you and your dad get on really well she could lose you. It's up to you to reassure her I'm afraid. Good luck.

Answer 5

It sounds like your mothers side are behaving pretty immaturely! First step, be frank, say how you feel and how you think they should be behaving.Tell your mums side that their behaviour makes you upset ,and that it will not make you think any less of your dads family, so they may as well give it up as a bad job.Parents shouldn't bring kids into their own personal differences and should get on with things for the sake of their children, who should come first. Your mother cant tell you if your 'allowed ' to see your dad and his family, its not her decision.Like i say, really dig deep and tell her that if anything, her behaviour is pushing you closer to them, so unless she stops, you'll be seeing less of her and more of your dads family. Be strong and do whats right for you.

Answer 6

It is indeed jealousy. Bloody hell, by now you must be of age. You can dig it in a bit by saying to your mum's family
"If you weren't so damned controlling and had your abnormally long noses in my business out of spite, I would no longer have the desire to see them out of sheer spite!"
If nothing else you are apparently the mature one in this. If you can somehow make fun of them, and not let your mum's family get to you, you might swing the pendulum!
You are nicer than I. I would probably tell them to mind their own business outright. Also, since apparently you don't see them that often, why let them know you have seen your dad and his side? It comes down to it that you are a part of both sides. Mum and her's need to grow up and realize this.
Best of luck!

Answer 7

i am going to be quite frank with you , so please don't take any offense to my response, first of all you choose who you want to see when you want to see them, don't let the dysfunctional side of the family drag you down in a controlling situation just because they are not mature enough to be civil, the choices were made not to work things out and stay married but to divorce, so that person needs to live with it and not punish anyone else, especially you. sounds like dear old mom is still living in denial and really needs some therapy, after 10yrs she should have gotten,if not over, on with her life, sounds like she is still having the classic "oh pity me" party. sorry dear for the directness but I know exactly what you are going through, I'm a father who would very much like to see his Son 12 and his step daughter who is 22 and I have raised since she was nine , but due to a dysfunctional side of the family they feel they will betray their mother if they show me any kind of civility. and she is famous for saying that she does nothing wrong and that I'm the brain washer and I live in a fairytale world. Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 8

You can't stop it from her, she's upset and bitter and will stay that way.

The only thing you can do is to tell her that she can't transfer all her pain onto you, while you understand why she feels how she feels she needs to understand that you need to be allowed to develop your own feelings in your own way. Make it clear that you need to know both your Mum and your Dad to feel complete as a person and it's your decision alone.

Answer 9

Just be strong and tell them that you will continue to see him as he is your dad, tell your mum that you love her but the problems between them should not effect you. They are showing immaturity it is so wrong to try to stop anyone from seeing their parents whatever that person has done. Good luck to you.

Answer 10

DONT LET HOW YOUR MUM FEELS ABOUT YOUR DAD STOP U CONTACTING HIM OR HIS FAMILY . U CANT STOP EITHER SIDE NOT LIKING EACH OTHER BUT U CAN TRY AND BUILD A RELATIONSHIP FOR YOUR SELF WITH BOTH FAMILIES . DIDN'T REALISE HOW MUCH I MISSED HAVING A BIG FAMILY AFTER MUM AND DAD SPLIT UNTIL I MET MY PARTNERS FAMILY AND SEEN HOW CLOSE THEY WERE.

Answer 11

it can be tough when you are young as you dont have as much say as you would like,,you could try explaining to your mum about how you understand he may have hurt her but he is your dad and you just want to get along with him,,it may not happen but if this is something you really want to do,,say you will respect her wishes BUT,when you are old enough to make your own decisions you will be getting in contact and do want to have him and the family in your life.if she knows you are serious she may consider letting you see him as long as she doesnt have to have anything to do with him,,she may hate him but you dont and as an individual you have the right to make your own choices.