tell me ur funniest joke and i will choose u as my best answer for my next 3 questions i post?

Answer 1

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

Answer 2

You need to pay me with real dow for this.

There was this African farmer. A grand father. His son came home with his grandson who happens to be in primary one.

They all went to the farm and the Grand farther wanted to show his grandson his farming skills. He was not wearing any shirt and what he had on his waist was actually an old fashioned string undies which you tied the end of the string to the back at the waistline. The grand father optioned to loose it. He turned his back on Junior and was farming. Junior was amazed and shocked as he saw a huge black chisel facing down with a twim stone like object attahed between his grandfather's legs. After staring for a long time Junior concluded it must be a bat.

He screamed to alert his grandfather. the grand father turned and the following conversation ensued.

Grandfather. "What was that junior"
Junior. "I saw a bat"
GrandFather. "Where is the bat"
Junior. "It has gone past like this. (pointing and turning his hands behind the oldman.

The grandfather shrugged and continued his farming. It was when Junior screamed again that the Grandfather decided it must be the withches in his village that are trying to kill his grandson out of jealousy. He instructed Junior to use the sharp cutlass he brought to the farm to slice the bat into two if possible.

Junior shouted for the third time and without raising his head and turning back the Grand father instructed Junior to slice the bat into two. And Junior sliced the old man's genitals into two. Guess what happens next.

Junior did another one to his mother at home. This time around on wounds.

Answer 3

Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the
words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept
anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a
TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find
where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and
find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely
into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean
way over??"
Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle -
it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I
have is coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power...................................... A power
failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing
stuff your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it
up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you
bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell
them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too *%%!!** stupid to own a
computer!!!!!"

Answer 4

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”
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A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?"

Answer 5

European Heaven:

British Humour
French Food
German Technology


European Hell:

British Food
French Technology
German Humour

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An old lady walks up to the Bank of America one day with $200,000 in cash. The clerk asks 'Where did you get all this money from?' The old lady replies 'I place a few bets here and there.' The clerk replies 'I'm sorry, but I'll have to take you to the president.'
The clerk leads the old lady up a flight of stairs into the president of the Bank of America's office. He asks her also, 'Where did you get all this money from?' The old lady replies again 'I place a few bets here and there. Would you care to make one with me now?' The Bank of America feels lucky so he accepts her challenge. She says ' I bet you $25,000 dollars that your tes*t*icles are square.' The president replies 'well ok.' He gets ready to pull down his pants. The old lady stops him by saying 'Can we do this tomorrow? I'd like to get my lawyer to come along so I can make sure that we are fair.' The president agrees and they both go home.

That night, the president tosses and turns, making sure his balls are not square. When he is fully satisfied, he climbs into bed and turns off the light.

The next day at midday, the old lady arrives with her lawyer. The president pulls his pants down. To be fully satisfied, the old lady suggests 'May I touch them to make sure?' He obliges her, sure he is going to win. She touches them, and then hands over the $25,000. Suddenly, the president becomes aware of the lawyer banging his head against the wall. He asks the lady 'What's wrong with your lawyer?'
The old lady replies 'I bet him $100,000 yesterday that at midday the next day I would have the president of the Bank of America's balls in my hand.'

Answer 6

A man and his wife were working in their garden one day. The man looks over at his wife and says "Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue grill." With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.
"Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue
grill!!!" The woman chose to ignore her husband.

Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off. "What's wrong?" he asks. She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-*** grill for one little weenie?"

Answer 7

How do you kill a blue elephant?

with a blue elephant shot gun
how do you kill a red elephant?

strangle it till it turns blue then shoot with a blue elephant shot gun
how do you kill a green elephant?

say something sexual to make it go red strangle it till it turns blue then shoot it with a blue elepahtn shot gun
how do u kill a yellow elephant?

Have you ever heard of a yellow elephant?

llol the lamest and funniest joke i have:P

Answer 8

Once a girl and a boy were sitting in a park.
BOY:I can kiss you without touching you
GIRL:oh thats impossible
BOY:I bet $2 i can
GIRL:ok show me how........

The boy holds the girl and kisses her for a long time,

GIRL:Hey! but you held me
BOY:heres your $2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

the judge asked the lady.'why did u killed ur husbend.' The lady replied.'SIR, he called me from office.took me 2 the bedroom removed my clothes.spread my legs n said. ' APRIL FOOL ,

Answer 10

the girl comes home and says to his father:father,I'm getting maried!"but you just know him for 2 days!"
thats my problem
"but does he even loves you?"
thats he's problem!
"and how do you 2 gonna live?"
thats YOUR problem,father!!