My parents are very controlling. I'm 19yrs old. Stable (fincially and mentally) but they still treat me like a child.....
They tell me to act like an adult but I'm not able to show them that I am one when I'm not allowed to be out. They also tell me to learn from my mistakes and when I replied "how am i to learn from my mistakes when I'm not allowed to make in the first place because I'm not allowed out on my own" My mother replied -- I'm not going to let you make them as long as I'm alive ---- Then I said " Well the when your dead, who am I to run to for help in a situation that I've never been in since I never learned anything on my own?"
I have no relationship with my parents. They aren't understanding. They disagree with anything / everything that I do or at least try to do....
If anyone could help me that would be amazing....
2006-11-10 21:09:41 · 18 answers · asked by Sarah 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It is b/c they love you. It is probally harder on them than it is on you. In a few years, when you have kids, it will become clear just how much they love you. Until then, just hang in there. I promise things are a lot different then what they seem. I am 27 years old, and I felt the same way, until I "grew up." Have a great day!
2006-11-10 21:15:04 · answer #1 · answered by Mr. Know it all 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ok, if you are still living at home which it sounds like you are then you are NOT Fincially stable. You are 19, then you can move out and your parents CAN NOT tell you what to do. You live on your own pay your own bills, then you do not have to answer to them any more
You live at home and as crappy as it is no matter how old you are or how adult you think you are they are still your parents and will still tell you what do when to do it and how often you can not do it. That is just the way things are when you live at home with your parents.
Sometime being 'an adult' is having to do (or not do) things.
I suggest you find your own place. You and your parents might start to have a better relationship then.
2006-11-11 05:17:08 · answer #2 · answered by LadyCatherine 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like they are parents and you are trying to manipulate them with your logical statements "Well the when your dead, who am I to run to for help in a situation that I've never been in since I never learned anything on my own?" etc. From what you have said, I wouldn't think you were adult either. Getting there, but not quite yet. I don't mean to sound like I am 'attacking' you, but this is what I think, IMHO as it were. 19 is very young, I thought I knew it all and was grown at that age, like 90% of the people in the US do, but then life kicks the snot out of us a few times and years pass and we look back on 19 and know we were just babies.
Take the advice your parents are giving you, rely on that control for just a little bit longer because soon enough it will be gone and you will be on your own to make those mistakes.
2006-11-11 05:15:05 · answer #3 · answered by Star 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Be happy they are are just trying to love and protect you. I lost control of my daughter when she was just 15, At 15 she had 3 rules to live by they were. (1) don't puke on the rug. (2) no sex in the house. (3) call if your not coming home. She broke all three and died 5 months ago at age 34. Be controlled and be happy about it. They are are just trying to help you live maybe a little longer than my daughter. Find your relationship with them for someday they or you will be dead and they or you will not want any animosity towards each other. Find common ground and be happy, What would you think if they gave you my 3 rules? Would you be happy? I don't think so. Go and tell them you love them for one of you may not be here 8 hours from now.
2006-11-11 05:30:25 · answer #4 · answered by wackydac 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have you ever look at this way:
your parents love you so so much that they don't want you to get hurt even a bit.. well, yes I agree with you being so over protective can be a pain in the a$$.. but try to understand from their position too.. let's say when someday you have a kid, you won't anything bad happened to your kid, right?
is same situation with you and your parents, is just your parent are over protective.. they are too scared you will get hurt but they don't think about the future when you will get in to the same trouble..
I agree what you said to your mom.. I also said the exact same words to my mom when I'm pissed.. hahaha.. but just always remember that your parents love you very very much.. is not they don't understand u but they love you too much..
remind them that you are 19 and want to learn to be independent, try to talk to them NICELY about what you are going to do, how you are going to do it and tell them that you know your consequences if you took the wrong way and you are ready to face it..
if they still don't understand, ask them why they don't let you do it, if they give a good reason then just leave it there.. but if they can't give a good reason, tell them that u disagree with them, tell you are not a child and it's time for you to stand on your own..
2006-11-11 05:56:27 · answer #5 · answered by L-j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very sad for you as it sounds as if you need to go it alone. At 16 i rebelled against my parents (who were no where near as controlling as that) an now have an excellent relationship with them. It was hard to leave but i am a better person for it and our relationship could not be better. I have a 19 yr old friend at the moment who has a drug problem a small child to an abusive partner who beats her and as she was so sheltered by her grandparents (they raised her) she has been drawn back to this abusive man. She would rather be free to make her own choices than escape from this abuse. It is the sad reality of life, when faced with the choice between abuse and isolation she chose the abuse. I hope that you get the advise you need and that your decision works out for the best Good Luck....
2006-11-11 05:17:53 · answer #6 · answered by Tallie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This sounds almost identical to what happened with my sister, only she was 18. I told her to move out of my parent's house. That is the only way to get their respect. Find a roommate(or not if you are financially stable enough), and get an apartment. I recommend sitting both of your parents down with no distractions(i.e. TV, Computer, etc.) , and talk to them, and tell that that you want to move out because you are tired of being treated that way. It they won't allow you to move out, then act like an adult, and leave. After you turned 18, they have no legal right to keep you in their house. This works out especially since you are financially stable.
2006-11-11 15:20:55 · answer #7 · answered by tbirdwrestler 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well Craz 'ol Buddy, I think it's time to move on. The egg is broken and the chick should leave the nest. Your driving your parents crazy and they're driving you nutso, so, move on.
Get your own place, don't tell them, I have this feeling they'll try and stop you or take over the move. When and if they find out give them a break and set down some ground rules like when they can visit, not move in and take over, get it?
2006-11-11 05:18:51 · answer #8 · answered by cowboydoc 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Since you are 19, perhaps it is time for you to leave the nest and move out on your own. Once they can see you are fine, then they will perhaps get a life of their own. The problem could be you have been their focal point to remain together and they do not wish to be alone together. DO NOT be argumentative with them as you will not win, just stand alone as an adult.
2006-11-11 05:18:45 · answer #9 · answered by AJ 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well im only 14 so i don't know how i can help u but i'll try though... so ur parents r controlling than show them that u can live on ur own and u can make mistakes everyone can ur not perfect no one is!!! I mean as long as u live there ur in there territory and that means that they have the power 2 control u. it's ur decision
2006-11-11 05:41:51 · answer #10 · answered by angelcarrot 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋