can u help me with a huge family fall-out???

Question

a few months ago my brother had an 18th birthday party....a physical fight broke out including close family relatives......several weeks laterr my granny...who wasnt involved at the party fallout, told people that i was seeing a man who was 29 (im 15)....i no they arn't true....and dont want to talk 2to her again.....mi cousin ...a girl the same age as me and myself have fallen out because of our families involvement and what happened at the party....we were very close and told each other everything ......its complicated but....how do i regain the friendship that we've lost...without being "disloyal" to my mum and dad and my brothers and sisters?????.....what should i do about my granny....i didn't think she could do something like that 2 her grand-daughter...plz help me resolve this problem...or help me try to?????

i caught my grandmother syaing it to my uncles girlfriend.....and other family relatives

this has been going on for several months now

Answer 1

Is it any of your grans business who you go out with?? No it isn't so explain this to her and say that at 15 you think 29 is ancient (i know i did at 15 lol) so you wouldn't go out with a 29 yr old. I think you should sit down with your family and basically tell them to grow up because you feel caught up in the middle of everything and it's hurting you. Good luck x

Answer 2

You need to go and see your granny and confront her directly. Firstly, can you trust the people who told you that she said that? Maybe they are lying. If she did say it though, tell her that you are very hurt at these false allegations as you love her and can't understand why she would say untrue things about you. Listen to her side of the story and take it from there. You may find that it was just a misunderstanding.

It's also sad that you and your cousin have fallen out, but maybe you could write her a letter telling her how you feel about everything and that you really don't want to let the incident with the two families come between the two of you. If you explain to your parents and siblings how hurt you are at losing your cousin, then I'm sure they wouldn't mind if the two of you continued seeing each other seperately from the rest of the family.

It's a tough situation to be in, but if you communicate openly and honestly with all involved, I'm sure you'll get it all sorted out. Good luck!

Answer 3

Find out who told your granny this info. Squash any ill will between you and granny. Talk, go for ice cream, whatever but insure that it's one on one. Who ever started the rumor, if it's family ask why. And clear the air between them. If it's not family, deal with them later. Family comes first.

Your cousin, talk with her 1 on 1 as well. Figure out why she is so upset with you. You both are more than likely defending your brother's. Which put you at odds. Express to her that you still love her and miss your friendship. I don't know what the fight was about but separate yourself from it. As you talk with your cousin try not to bring up the fight. Resolve it. But when you talk to her about what she means to you, don't bring up the fight. Example, don't say: "I miss the fun times we had together, but when you went against me at the party I felt like you didn't care anymore..." Say: "I miss the fun times we had together. I look foward to the new things we'll discover together." Resolve whatever the fight was about FIRST. But when you two agree to disagree don't let it cloud the happier part of the conversation.

And before you go to you granny and cousin. Ask your parents and siblings what they see coming from this. Are they content with not being the same kind of family as they were before. Express to them that you're not. Tell them you miss your cousin and granny. Also re asure your parents your not seeing a 29 year old.

Try your best to keep your emotions in control. But I've found that tears keep the situation clam and raising your voice (even just to be heard), just escalates anger. Cry if you must.

Good luck.

Answer 4

You need to ask your gran why she said that, maybe she got told by someone else & was just concerned! Just make it clear to her that it should have been you she was talking to about it, nobody else & that's why you're feeling upset!

Talk to your cousin, tell her that yes your families may have fallen out but that doesn't have to mean the end of your friendship. Families always fight, my family can't have a get together without a round of fisty cuffs! If it has been going on for a while now surely your cousin may be willing to let it go, or maybe she thinks it's you that doesn't want a reconciliation! Just talk to her!

As for the rest of your family, that will have to be sorted out by someone other than you, you're 15, way too young to be sorting out your families mess, just deal with your own problems (granny & cousin) & leave the rest to somebody else!

Good luck, I hope it works out for you in the end!

Answer 5

At 15 your world is all about drama. Girls gossip about everyone and everything. When something happens at home like you described, your emotions are going to get really stirred up. So first take some quiet time..just for you. Make a decision NOT to make a decision about any of the issues with your grandmother, your cousin, your loyalty to your family and the people who got into a physical confrontation. Just take some time to think about how you feel. Do you feel unsafe at home, angry at your grandmother, betrayed because she said some unkind things about you, scared that you lose people you love..what? All the feelings are OK. Don't act on them...just identify them.

Once you know what you're feeling, find an adult you trust to talk to. Maybe at church, or a school counselor, or a friend's mom...get their thoughts on how you should proceed to clear up the issues you have.

You shouldn't make any moves until you first know how you feel. And an adult can give you suggestions based on their own experience. At 15 you don't have the luxury of a lot of experience. That's why you ask for help.

And then when you talk with that adult, explain to them how your grandmother came to link you at 15 to a 29 year old man??? It's important to deal with that issue first. If you do like a man that age, you need to remember you need time to find out who you are, and not be influenced by any guy. And, he should be reminded that his life can be ruined by becoming involved with you...he could go to jail. I know you don't want to become part of anything like that. So talk to an adult you trust. Please.

It's hard to be a teenager. It seems like everyone is telling you you're old enough to be responsible, and the next minute tell you you're too young to do something you want. It's scarey to think you will be out in the world, with a job, and a high school diploma, and making choices for yourself...by yourself.

But how exciting, how wonderful to see such a future. Don't let anything come between you and an incredible future. Ask for help, advice, direction...ask adults you trust. You'll get the help you need to resolve all the issues you wrote about. Just take some time to work them out.

Good luck and blessings.

Answer 6

Oh my god, what a mess. What about writing a letter telling the truth about granny's lie, saying how wrong it was of everyone not to control their tempers at the 18th birthday party, telling your girl cousin you can't believe this has affected your good friendship and most of all, saying life is too short to waste time on things like this. Send a copy to everyone involved. Good luck.

Answer 7

First, try your best not to repeat gossip, you know like he said, she said stuff. You should try to forgive your grand mother and when things calm down a bit go to her alone and ask her why she said those things about you and learn what her relationship is to be with you. Your parents should want what is best for you and not involve you in so much stress. Your cousin may come around after some time goes by, she is reacting to her parents side, just like you are.

Answer 8

Your granny is old enough to know better, and i would not even bover getting upset wirth her, she sounds well mean and bitter and probably likes causing trouble, if you know the truth it does not matter what others think. God knows the truth and that is what matters and yourself, pray for your family as they have lots of problems and try to stay out of things, don,t be hurt sheis a silly woman. I am a granny and i would not do that, she sounds like a gossip to me and maybe jealous.
try to keep out of family arguements you have friends go out and mix with them and ask your cousin out. go somewhere nice.

Answer 9

We live in this world for such a short time. Y waste your time fighting? Let elders' fights be between them. This fight does not concern u. Speak to your cousin. U are not being disloyal in doing so. Ask your grandma directly about what she has said and clarify it with her.

Answer 10

Whew, what a mess! You need to start talking to mom and dad and then the rest of the family...just tell the truth and be nice! (Maybe granny is getting a bit senile and can't help herself?)