I daughter is almost 7 years old. She is a very hyper kid, and gets depressed very easily. I have been looking for her father since she was born, and a couple of weeks ago I got a thing from the Child Support people that they found him. Living about 30 minutes away from us!!! I always thought he had left state. Now, I have to go to court for paternity tests. I dont really dare to tell her because it always bothers her that she does not have a father. What if he wants nothing to do with her? What if he does? Should I tell her or wait to see if he even shows up? I am very confused and worried about how she will take it all. She knows his name and even has a picture. But until now, I don't even know if he knew about her. Please help me!!!!
2006-11-10 16:37:12 · 20 answers · asked by lynno 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
I don't know if I can answer this for you,but If I were in your shoes and it was my child I would not tell her unless I was 100% sure he wanted to be in her life. I just don't think I could ever look at my own son and tell him that his father wanted nothing to do with him. I could never break his heart in such a devastating way. The most worst thing in the world for any child is to feel as if their parents don't love them. In this case you have to weigh the options, either you lie and pray she doesn't find out until she is old enough to understand and perhaps is strong enough to handle it and you try to protect her or you level with her and pray that she takes the news well. Honestly, at the age of 7 I just don't see that happening. From one mother to another, I love my son more than life itself, and I can see you love your daughter just as much. I can tell you that I would take whatever measures necessary to protect my son from heartache that he is too young too cope with,and if that means lying to him , so be it. I think in this case it is okay to protect your child from getting hurt. This type of pain is something that will haunt her forever. Of course your daughter's father may very well surprise you and want to be part of her life. So before you make any rash decision to tell her the truth( if that is the way you are leaning) then I would at least wait until you have achance to talk this out with him. Good luck
2006-11-10 17:04:32 · answer #1 · answered by Michelle F 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would think it best if you wait till you have more information. No sense in getting her all worked up for no reason. How well do you know this man? You may not want him to have any thing to do with your daughter if he's not going to be a good influence!
No sense in worrying over this until you have the REST of the story. However, it will be nice for you to be receiving the financial help this will give you! Look at the bright side, this may be a wonderful blessing! Don't get all worked up over something that may not happen! Hang in there and be cheerful!!
2006-11-10 16:52:14 · answer #2 · answered by Carolyn T 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Depending on what state you live in his not wanting to have anything to do with her could result not getting child support. In some states if a parent signs away all parental rights they are no longer liable for that child's support, however if he doesn't do that then whether he has anything to do with her or not he will still have to pay child support. As for her reaction, no one knows but she does have the right to know what is going on because it IS affecting HER life. I can only suggest that you tell her the truth and take it from there.
2006-11-11 20:02:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would wait until I knew a bit more info. I would have to evaluate him after not seeing him for some time, and find out if he would make a suitable father for my child. I'd have to ask him what his intentions were and if he is interested in having visitations or partial custody as well as his intentions in paying child support. Then, after all these questions were answered, and I had gone to court to see what was going to take place regarding visitation, custody, and/or child support, then I would sit my daughter down for a little conversation advising her of what was going to take place, and find out her wishes. I wouldn't get her involved for fear that she would worry unnecessarily until I knew what we were dealing with. Good luck to you all!
2006-11-10 19:57:25 · answer #4 · answered by Cynthia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hyper and depressed. Sounds like she is around too many adult conversations and feels confused.
She MAY be bringing up the father thing because that is the only thing she knows how to get your attention with.
Her childhood is at stake if her father or lack of becomes her WHOOOOLE life. You as mom should distract her with a new hobby together and child appropriate fun.
PLEASE.
2006-11-10 16:46:04 · answer #5 · answered by dbzgalaxy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have to approach the father without telling your daughter to see how he feels. If he wants nothing to do with it then don't tell your daughter about him; make up a story that he died or something. If he is 100% willing to be her father then only let things proceed.
It is very important that you don't tell the father where you live or your contact number at the very beginning, because he might say no initially and then later change his mind and show up at your door which can't be good for your kid.
2006-11-10 16:45:38 · answer #6 · answered by Wiseguy 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Children are very impressionable. You should go ahead with the test and make sure that he will even be willing to be in her life before you give her any information on what is going on. It is better for her this way instead of being let down twice. She is too young to know too much information anyway. She will be better equipped to handle it when she is a lot older. Let her be a child as long as possible. You will thank yourself later for it and she will too. Good luck.
2006-11-10 16:45:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you should sort it all out with him and the courts before you tell your daughter. You don't want to get her hopes up and then have her heart broken if this man doesn't want anything to do with her. You need to speak to him about seeing her, make sure he's not going to just see her for a few months then start to play games with you. Make sure he's in it for the long run before you decide anything.
2006-11-10 18:23:09 · answer #8 · answered by rach 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm severe while assisting the particular desires toddlers I artwork with. yet i'm heavily enjoying them. they don't prefer to be dealt with as something particular. they merely prefer to be dealt with like the different toddler. I take that very heavily with a grin and a snigger and actual love in my heart. ok sufficient of cleansing soap field preaching I take my marriage heavily yet back i attempt to maintain it sparkling and new. each thing else I in basic terms take 0.5 heavily. I on no account have faith what a toddler-kisser tells me so how do you're taking them heavily? The media is to the factor the place they inform you in basic terms what fits there very own schedule extremely of merely reporting the information as that is. So how do I take them heavily? even with the undeniable fact that; I rarely take on an known basis existence heavily. I used to try this and it tremendously much killed me so now I take daily because it comes and take a glance at to have as plenty relaxing with it as i will. not something makes you experience greater effective than a snigger or a grin. nicely aside from an remarkable intimate come upon besides. That places a super smile on my face.LOL
2016-11-23 15:10:55 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't give her false hopes about a dad who isn't in the picture. She'll only resent you when she's older for having done it. YOU need to reestablish the relationship with the father first before you ever bring him into the picture for her. The same goes for any man you plan on dating in the future. Best wishes. :)
2006-11-11 02:54:56 · answer #10 · answered by elizabeth_ashley44 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋