girl advice...help!!!?

Question

well i went out with this girl for a yr it was very serious. got her a promise ring we were about to move in together last sept. we were like best friends for 9 months before we went out. but when we started going out it became a long dist relationship. we went out in aug 05 and talked on the phone just about every night for hours. met up again in dec, march...had sex three times, may.. went to the beach etc, and june...beach etc. so end of july we start arguing and stuff and she says bc of that and her family life...her dad was cheating on her mom, he said he was gonna take off, she was about to get her own apt, she said she needed a break from us.
of course im devastated. and two days later she tells melast may/june she started having thoughts in her head like "omg im with the guy im gonna be with forever..this is it..and im about to move in with him...this is it...i wontever be single again" and she said shes really never been on her own, always from one relationship to another

she said these thoughts werent big or anything but they were there...and then we have sex in june and it was pretty steamy after we couldnt stop smiling laying next to each other...and she never told me she was having those thought. she said the arguments in july triggered her thoughts more. we took a break/broke up july 27th and she took off the ring like aug 5 or 6.. but she was still talking to me saying she just needs time, etc, and that she hopes we end up together hopes its us in the end thats what she feels. so end of august she says she feels "numb" that she thinks its best we move on , etc, and she let this guy andy stay in her apt bc he just broke up with his gf. he moves in and they start dating early sept.

sept 15 she emails me "hey i love you and i miss you and i cant believe all that has happened between us, i would have never expected it. if ure not ready to work things out now then i need to know you'll want to later bc we really did have something great". and she said she thinks of me all the time. so like oct 1 she emails me and says she needs to talk to me about something. she broke up with andy and that hes a jerk and she kicked him out .. and she said when she was w. him it felt like she was w/ with the wrong guy, that she was thinking of me and us all the time. so we start talking again oct 5 and we're just like before. we'e talking imtimately, talking again, joking around, she mentions we should rent a cabin in dec and go bc we'll have it to ourselves and wont have to sneak around like we did in her parents house.

she was asking me if i oculd go see her for a weekend, that she misses me, that she would come see me if she had the money right now. that she misses being out here. so oct 22 we're talking online. i mention i wanna kiss her...i mean we've said in the last few weeks about wanting to have sex etc. she says ur not m bf i only kiss my bf. later she said she meant she was thinking about us and its not what she needs right now... that she is enjoying being single, just partying and stuff. she said she still wanted to go to the cabin as long as there was no pressure to do anything just see wut happens.

she said again bc she has never really been single she just wants to have fun right now. that shes not out looking for someone bc she already knows what she wants. she says she knows im her future. that she loves me and does want to be with me...in the future. and like a few days ago i left her msgs saying i miss you and then she called me and i said i love you. and she said it makes her feel bad bc she cant say it back right now bc when i talk like that it makes her wanna come out to see me and be with me and she said she knows if she did that then in a few months she would be back to wanting to have fun again bc thats she knows what she needs right now. but like last month,,,oct...she was calling me at night, like after she went out, we were laughing, sayingi love you all that...and now ever since she said us isnt what she needs now she never calls me or IMs me...but like oct 30 shes like "ill have to take pics at the halloween party so you can see me and my friends dressed up"

and we did say a lot to each other in august. but then in oct she apologized for all of that, said she was sorry for what she said. etc.
recently i asked if she still wants me out there. she said no, but only bc its not the time bc shes so busy working doubles, paying rent, that its not the time. but a few weeks before she said she wish she hadnt changed her mine about me moving there bc then id be there right now

and she always says the last month always tell me how u feel, but whenever i do or show vulnerable or anything it seems it pushes her away. i leave msgs on aim how i feel and she doesnt reply when shes back from 'away' and she doesnt return my calls either.

Answer 1

Huh??? Come again, please make it long story short!!!

Answer 2

Now I maybe completely wrong but I think this young woman does care about you but she is confused. You may think it is simple that if she truly cares about you she would be it with you. Sometimes it is not that simple.
Her desire to be single is a healthy one. It will give her a chance to find her strenghts and her weaknesses, and enable her to grow as a person.
At the same time she believes you are that special person and dosen't want to give up completely. She doensn't want to loose you be she knows at this point she can't stay.

Let her know that you would like to remain friends but what she is doing right now is confusing you. Encourage her to take some time and truley sort herself out, who she is and what she wants. Let her know that once she is sure, she should let you know - better yet come find you.

Good Luck

ps.
If she really loves you she'll find you (once she has sorted her self out).
Till then enjoy being single. Relax. Take a break from relationships for a while. Go spend time with a few good friends and let yourself heal.

pps
I was in a similar situation once. i got back into the relationship without truely having taken a break from it. When it ended I was broken. So now I don't return to relationships where the other person is wavering I wait for them to get it together. If they don't I stay away.

:-)

Answer 3

I think you should continue in this friendship relationship with her right now.. You guys should stay together but not.. "together".. spend some time as friends, single friends, don't think about th sex, she was having problems with her parents, so she was probably thinking about their relationship and doubting yours, let her be free.. she says her future is with you, give her 6-8 more months and ask her to be your gf again.. let her be able to trust you.. and have no doubts

Answer 4

Hey Let her be..I know it will be hard but actually i know kinda what she is going through If your parents are having trouble it actually makes you question your relationship more. My dad Just commited suicide in may beacause my mom cheated on him and it made me question my relationship with my Bf I love him but i get scared:( But If you love her give it time if it is ment to be she will come back to you be a friend too her thats what she needs.

Answer 5

Maybe you should write down your memoirs in a novel format. She is simply looking for the "hook up" and wants to be able to keep her individual identity. In other words she wants to have her cake and eat it too. It is ultimately your choice as to what will happen.

Answer 6

So i skimmed all that and by the time i got to the bottom, i forgot what was at the top. And what is your question anyway?

I think i would move on, idont know really, i dont understand all this.

Answer 7

Whoa, long question. Sounds messy, I think you should break up with her because she is not committed to you or your relationship.

Answer 8

DAMN LONG AZZ THING LOL!!!!!

BUT I THINK U SHOULD GIVE HER UP SHE SOUNDS ANNOYING TO ME!!!
FIND A DIFFRENT GURL!
I THINK SHE IS WRONG FOR U BUT THAT MY OPINNION.