Does age really matter? Why is it such a big deal?

Question

I am 18 years old, and i'm head over heels for someone 23 years older then me. we both love each other so much and want to be together forever. we are planning on getting married next summer have already planned our lives together. My problem is that i want to be able to invite our family and friends, but because of the age gap i'm worried that his family isnt going to like me. and im also worried about what my family is going to think about him. He is the most incredible man i have ever met, and he loves me for who i am. i know people think he just wants some young girl but it isnt true. we have all the same interests and goals in our lives and it seems so perfect. another thing would be that he has a son. his son is great and likes me alot, actually he has a crush on me and thinks im his GF. i hope that he will be ok with us being together. (his ex wife hates my guts of course) i just want people to understand. i mean is our age gap really that unreasonable?

We talk about everything, we are both very intellectual and competive as well. we are constantly challenging each other and have the same sense of humor so we are always able to make each other laugh. we also have the same interests as well, we both are runners and compete in local races and triathalons together. we definately have alot of things to talk about.

Why is it taboo in american society? in another country no one would think twice about it. but here everyone gets judgemental.

lol...his son is 8 its just puppy love

Answer 1

It sounds like your relationship is great but one thing that worried me - you said you were worried his family wouldn't like you - you should meet them first, and make sure he meets yours first.

When I first started reading your post I had my doubts, BUT
I don't think the age difference matters in your case. In some it does, but your relationship does seem more mature. People always think I am too young also. I'm 19 and getting married next summer too. I love this man and he is my best friend and my life partner. We've been together since I was in middle school and we've grown up together and are still growing together. I think it's amazing to find a love like this when you are so young. Don't worry about what everyone else thinks - count your blessings that you have something that some people NEVER find.

Just be sure you have the same goals, and plans for the future. For example, in a few years you are going to want a son or daughter with him also. I am sure you love his son like your own but the time will come when it will drive you crazy that he is not your own and you need to make sure he will be willing to have more children.

Answer 2

Yes, age really matters. It is precisely because you are only 18 that you don't realize this. The person you are with could be your father - isn't the thought of that rather icky to you? You have fallen for someone who is probably showering you with affection, and the situation with his son is an obvious problem. You need to look at this from another angle, and maybe your parents could help you with this - there is something obviously wrong with a 41 year old man who is interested in someone your age! It's not that you may not be nice, or pretty - those have nothing to do with it. He's got to be horribly immature and possibly has other psychological issues that he doesn't realize how wrong this is. Don't be fooled by "he loves me for who I am" and the way you say you "have all the same interests and goals in our lives" = those are both things that you are deluding yourself about. I suggest you seek some help.

Answer 3

I was 27 when I married a man 20 years older than me. He had a 13 year old daughter who liked me OK. His ex-wife hated my guts and did everything within her power to make my life miserable (including dropping the daughter off on our doorstep while we were off getting married so we had to cancel the honeymoon). Three years later I was a widow. A widow at 30 years old. Yes, he was the most incredible man I have yet to ever meet. I loved him immensely. We were both "devil may care rebels" who didn't give a flip what people thought. I have never been so lonely in my entire life as I was once he was gone. And even further lonely because people were even stranger to me. Nobody knows how to deal with a 30 year old widow. You get avoided alot. All I can say is it was the best of times paid for with the worst of times. Just realize there are consequences for every decision you make. People may just be afraid of future hurt you may have to work thru. I'm not saying cut them some slack, I'm just looking back in hindsight...

Answer 4

A few years ago, I would have said no. But yes, it does matter. Not because of what other people would think and say but of the mind and the body years down the road. Forgive me but I think at 18, marriage is still not a thing to consider yet. Still way too young. Take your time to think about it. When I say time, that means YEARS. This might have already crossed your mind; when the time comes that you gotta take care of him coz of old age and maybe you are more than willing to take on that. How about if you have kids? Sure they say that the sperm cells might still be good. But hey, when it become a 2-legged-creatures that run and play, it isn't easy for an old guy to play and catch up of with them.

Answer 5

Age matters. You come from different worlds of experience, and he has lived a life already, while you are still partially a child. You probably think that's ridiculous, blah blah, but it's not. If you stay with him, you will grow apart. You will mature, he will stay the same. Eventually, he'll be an old man and you'll be his nurse. Is that the future you want? You may think it is now, while youre in the unreasoning flush of 'love', but it wont be.

The fact that you asked this at all is a sign that you're unsure. Well that unsure-ness is your wisdom trying to get your attention.

Answer 6

The age thing shouldn't be an issue. Just ignore anyone who doesn't believe in your love. You said one thing that does bother me - "his son thinks I'm his girlfriend" - that makes me think the younger version of the father holds some attraction for you. I may be reading it wrong, but that looks like trouble, especially if he's so accepting where others are not. If you are really sure you can put the son in his place - for your sake as much as his - then I don't see any other hurdles. Good luck.

Answer 7

Basically, if you don't see the problem, then you are too young to understand any explanation that demonstrates the error of your way.

Maybe you should ask yourself, if everyone else says there's a problem and you're the only one who doesn't see the problem, that should tell you something about you.

By the way, this is the age that a man's body starts to deteriorate and his sexual performance won't be what it once was and might start to need chemical assistance.

Go play with some kids your own age.

Answer 8

you are not even that different in age. I have 5 years difference with my husband we have been together since I was 16 got married when i was 21 I am know 35 he is 40. I love him more than the day i met him we have never separated and have never cheated on each other. we have two beautiful kids. the point is age doesn't matter as long as there is love

Answer 9

I was in your situation about 3 years ago. I dated a man 13 years older than I was when I was 17. I thought he was the most wonderful man I have ever met. That he was perfect for me! When I would tell people about our age difference, they were so judgemental. Always being negative about it and not giving him a chance (Let's not even talk about how my family reacted). And believe that beacause of all the negativity I got from people, that made me want to prove to them all how wrong they were about us. We planned our lives together, wedding, family, children, etc. We were together for 3 years. But obviously, I found out that he was just a scumbag, and never deserved all the time I wasted on him.

When I look back at our relationship, I realized that I was WAY too young to be with a man THAT old. For a 17 yr old girl, I thought I was really mature, and that was proved by this older man being with me, and telling me he loved me. But at that age, you are too innocent. You really need to experience your life. I dont know how he treats you, or how your relationship is. This is not the point. I am not going to judge you or him. But I am focused on you. An 18 year old girl. Who feels she is ready to jump into a life-long relationship with a much older man. A man who has already experienced life. A man who has already accomplished as much as he could. Compared to a girl who has so much to give to the world, and so many decisions to make that will affect the rest of her life. I suggest you finish your major goals first. I.e. finishing college, and landing your first job that will start your career. This is just my thinking. It worked for me. While I loved the man I was with very much, he continually spoke about marriage and children (he did not have any of his own, neither did I). But I knew that I wanted to be sure. Marriage is sacred to me, although not so much to others. I wanted to be completly sure, not just about him, but myself. I wanted to know that there was not someone else out there for me. (Which there was... I am with him now. I truely know what love is now. I see my life with him. And we speak about our marriage constantly. But we are STILL WAITING. We want both of us to be financially stable, emotionally ready, and mature enough to spend our lives together. I am 23 now, and at a MUCH better place than I was years ago. I have learned SO much. When you look back, you will understand. TRUST ME.

Finally, (I know this is long.. the longest I have ever wrote because I really feel for you. I really hope you make the right decision.) My opinion is.. and I hate saying this, but I do not believe you are ready. Please wait. This will give you more time to get to know each other more. You may think you know him already, but trust me, you can never REALLY know someone too much. There is always a suprise around the corner. So take my advice, hold off on the marriage and enjoy your life. No need to get into something too serious at 18.

Answer 10

It is natural for girls of young age to get impressed with elderly persons due to their experience and wealth. It is easy to emotionally impress ayoune immature girl. But in a long term realtionship or marriage say after 30 years when you will be 50 and he will be 73. There would not be any compatability for sex. Secondly you two are not from 2 generations but from two different worlds. Well for short term if none you are cheating any body else,it is OK.