What can I do to get my brother to speak to my mother again?

Question

I am so mad at myself right now. Earlier today, I asked a question about hating my brother, blah-blah-blah-blah. You could say I was ticked off.

Well, this evening, like we always do, we went to my gram's house for supper. My brother was locked in his room again (as usual when my mom gets there) and I knocked on the door wondering what was going on. He let me in and we talked.

He said he wanted to know why I hated him, and if mom truley thought that if he hadn't been adopted he would have SPARED US THE PAIN OF LOOSING MY FATHER. I don't know why, but my mom threw herself into it, and it became a fight - and now my brother's not going to talk to my mom ever again (and he is 17).

I feel like such a buthead now. What should I do?

Answer 1

It sounds like both of them need some time. Your mother is grieving over the lost of your father and it is easy to blame others when you are hurting. However assure your brother that you love him and that it is not his fault. As he may be blaming himself as well. Let him know that everyone is grieving and that in time things will be alright. If he understands how the lost has affected everyone, then in time he and your mother will be able to come to terms and talk. If it continues, then maybe your family needs someone to help you with the grief you are going through. It sounds like you are having some grief issues as well, you also have to take care of yourself.

Answer 2

Look if I was in your position I would just isolate myself from her at all times. Don't talk to her, don't go over to see her, don't call, don't do anything to interact with her. Do you and let her do her. She'll notice you don't care anymore. Thats when she'll notice you. Everyone has problems and when her time comes I bet you that you'll get a phone call from her asking for help. Then its just up to you whether you do or don't. You can help her even though she has abused you since you were 4, or you can tell her no and she has to handle her problems on her own. Not an easy decision but you'll know what to do.

Answer 3

First of all---I also hate my sibling on occasion (it's called sibling rivalry!!) I don't know how old you are, or how you lost your Dad, I do know that 17 is a volatile age (all that finding yourself, separating from family, etc.) I'm sure that being adopted is adding a bit more to the whole thing. Stop trying to fix everything--you are NOT a butthead and you are not the grand "fixer upper of family disputes"--sometimes you just have to let the people involved fix it themselves!!! Support them--don't pick sides (I know easier said than done!!)

Answer 4

You have to sit your brother down and talk to him and tell him sometimes parents along with others get so angry that sometimes they tend to take things out on others. Let him know that mothers are very precious people to us and he wouldn't want to stop not talking to your mother because none of us is promised tomorrow and it would be a really sad thing to know if something happen and he didn't get the chance to spend all that precious time with his mom or leave things unsaid because of misunderstandings or quarrels. Tell him that they have to talk and make it right before he never has a chance to. God Bless!

Answer 5

I am sorry but there is nothing you can do. It will be up to your mom and brother. I can say time will help do not beat yourself up
just learn from your mistakes.

Answer 6

Just say that you are very sorry and spoke in anger. Tell him that you love him very much and that you know mom does too.

Good luck and give him time.

Answer 7

you could go up to you room, lock the door, and cry hard into your pillow and you will feel better.