help! What the best way i can support a friend who cuts themselves?

Question

I recently f
found out that my best friend has been cutting herself for the past 6 months. I know the basics of what not to do and what to do-obviously, let her know that I'm there for her, that I'm not mad, ect. But should I tell her things like, say the best way to stop bleeding? Things to do instead of cutting? Reasons to stop? As I myself am coping with bulimia/anorexia and cutting, I feel like I'm being hypocritical. Please, anything would be helpful, websites, phone #'s, ect. Also, is there anyway she can get reduced cost therapy? She really does want to get help, but her family cant afford 100$ a pop sessions.

Shes also allready very open about it with a few of her close friends. She knows alot of people who do cut themselves, but every single one of them has told her/would tell her that cutting is a BAD IDEA, including me.

to flyleafpunk- I really wish i could do that, but there not scars on me, there fresh.

Answer 1

Cutting is an addiction. Weird but true. When a person cuts it actually starts to release endorphins from the pain and it's a way to deal with stress. Just like any other addiction you have got to want to stop doing it. That means you are both going to need to find another healthier outlet for stress when you decide you are ready to quit. You'll have to get rid of all the things used to cut and break down any ritual involved in the process and identify the emotions you usually feel before you start to head into the process of cutting.

Things to do instead of cutting might be to write out how you feel with a bright red marker on your arms, dance, draw, paint or find a way to get the frustration and anger of life out. Waxing your legs and plucking your eyebrows are also good choices as they really hurt a lot but are acceptable grooming activities. Hold an ice cube for as long as you can if you really have to feel pain and this won't cause any permanent damage. Cutting your hair instead of your arms might be another choice, if you're brave. At least hair grows back if you mess up. Run until your lungs hurt, scream into a pillow or go to a batting cage.

The cutting might come from inability to express emotions especially anger, feelings of sadness and loss, self-punishing and guilt, need for attention or healing, or a desire for that impossible perfection. It is possible to stop cutting just like it's possible to stop smoking or doing drugs. It's not easy and you might backslide a little during the process once you decide to quit. Forgive yourself if you do.

When you cut you risk a chance of infection, you scar your body and you also increase the chance someone else is going to pick up this habit from you. You have to care about yourself, look at yourself realistically, accept that all of us have imperfections and it's really okay for you to have them too. Give yourself permission to make mistakes, have ugly emotions and to be angry.

Look at yourself as another person. Would you cut someone else? Give yourself the same amount of respect you would for another.

I don't think you are hypocritical by wanting your friend to stop. It sounds like you care about your friend and don't want to see her in pain and can empathize because you have similar problems.
I wish the best for the both of you. I know it's possible to stop cutting so don't give up.

Answer 2

Well, as long as you have stopped and helped your self, you should tell her that you have. Be honest, tell her that yeah, you have gone through some tough stuff, but you know that you are happier now. She needs help, self injury is not healthy at allllll!!
Tell her that she is worth more than a cut, and that her pain can be stopped, by stopping the cutting. Tell her why its better, and give her all the support she needs.
Guidence Councilors are really helpful! Tell them the problems with the cutting and the price of therapy. If your friend really wants help, she will cooperate, and if she doesn't cooperate, help her as much as you can.
Even if she gets mad at you for a little while, its better that, then serious injury!

Good luck, and your being a great friend by helping her!

Answer 3

I read 4 books on the subject from the library, and the best is
"The Bright Red Scream"....interesting.

My 16 year old this year admitted after I saw multiple scars all over her body that she was cutting.

Her school has guidance counselors, and others who know what they're doing to get her the help....and I also got her into counseling....now if she lies to all of them, and want to deny her problem, then it is just that...her problem.

Everyone can get free help by using the MH crisis counselors in the phone books, and guidance counselors at every school.

It's easier to ignore it.....But we are not professionals, and we cannot cure anyone....but getting her into therapy is called intervention, and it's done everyday by people who love those with problems...and then it seems to lower the problems because they find out that they are not alone.

They scream leave me alone, and then they cry themselves to sleep.....I know....as a heartbroken mom....watching her....destroy herself....I do feel so helpless. so I'm praying that I find a good counselor for her.....and I'm in counseling now about that also.

Answer 4

there has to be a low income mental health place in your community. look in the yellow pages~ask your regular doctor. see if the UNITED WAY has a helpline in your area.

i was a cutter up until i was 30. counseling can help and you need to get involved in it asap.

you know one of these times you could actually cut something important and die. i am not saying this to be critical, this is what happened to me~i cut my ulna artery. you don't want to die, you are just really hurting inside and cutting is a way to alleviate that pain. please get into counselling as soon as possible.

i have a daughter and nieces that are doing this now. GET HELP. there has to be another way to get rid of the pain and i believe talking to someone might be one way.

another suggestion i might make is since there seems to be several of your peers and/or friends doing it as well, maybe you can start a kind of impromptu group and all talk about what is hurting each of you~maybe this way you see that things can always be worse even though they seem very very bad to each of you.

god bless you and get help.

Answer 5

U know I have a friend who used to cut alot, and has tons of scars. I've considered it myself, but I always worry that those scars would remind me of my problems for the rest of my life. MY friend has been cutting for years, but she recently stopped because much like u, she had a friend doing the same thing. She didn't want her friend to do it, and her friend didn't want her to do it. They both cared about eachother and wanted to have eachother stop so they did. They both swore that they would stop. And my friend swore on her dad's grave, so it means alot to her to keep off it. If u stop maybe ur friend will too.

Answer 6

Mary jane micheals LCPC

Bleach, Fliske, & Associates

9015 Woodtard RD. suite 209, Clinton MD 20735
301-856-3636/Fax [phone]

Srry this is only in maryland
here are sum sites hope there helpful

http://www.myfirstlink.org/html/hotline.html

http://www.helpline.org/
This is all i could fine the # is from my therpist off her cared so good luck & God Bless=)

Answer 7

I hope you both get help. Maybe going together to a school counselor will help as they can often refer people to places in your area where you can get help at rates you or your parents can afford. You could also call a crisis hotline and get referrals as well as a Women's center. I don't know what town you are in, but a school counselor would be familiar with these organization as would a crisis hotline worker.

Answer 8

Take them to a free clinic and ask the nurse to explain to her what a lifetime of Interferon from getting Hep-c will be like if she doesn't stop.

Most cutters, especially the ones that cry all the time about wanting to die, are usually the first to stop when they are actually faced with it. (death) Especially a slow and painful one filled with medication that makes you twice as sick! Tell her, when she gets it and her intestines and liver shut down that you're sorry, but you won't be wiping her as*s for her....

Answer 9

From what I have learned about cutting, it is a way for someone to release pain of something deeper that is going on in their lives. I urge you and your friend to both talk to someone, a councillor or a Phychologist.

Answer 10

Just smile and say, "Wow fresh scars, you know i quit that wanna see my scars? Ya i just got fed up with this bleeding and stopped, I feel better now"