It's been made quite clear to me that although the person I love cares about me, he doesn't love me in the way I want him to. There's really nothing to do but move on from it. I know how to get over him, but he's also my best friend so I don't want to lose that. I just want to know how to lose the attraction that I feel toward him and go back to friendship love. Any thoughts?
2006-11-10 13:55:02 · 16 answers · asked by centralwimusic 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I don't want to stop hanging out with him. He's my best friend. He didn't try to hurt me in telling me that it's not going to be that way with us, he's always been in love with someone else and it's not my fault that he doesn't love me. He's been 100% honest and respectful of me and I don't want to lose what we've got by that separation period... plus all that happens when I'm apart from him for a long time is that, even if it starts to get better, even if I find a new crush or feel like I'm getting over him, the next time I see him I fall for him all over again. He knows and respects that I care about him but that doesn't change things...
2006-11-10 14:33:43 · update #1
I read this book on breaking up, and it said that if you want to remain friends with someone you should cut off all contact for 60 days. Get rid of anything that reminds you of them, and I mean everything then talk to them and all of what you feel right now will either be gone or manageable. If you don't do that you will never have things go back even remotely close to how they were. I am trying it, and I miss him like crazy you really have no idea, but it's now going on 3 weeks. I have been with a guy or two sexually and that has not even worked, but me not talking to him does get easier as more days go by. Good luck.
2006-11-10 14:01:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your first sentence is the key. If someone you love doesn't reciprocate the kind of love you need, then that's not really love at all. My advice is simple. Don't settle for less. Use your willpower to control your feelings. Give yourself a strict 'no-contact' rule in regards to him. No phone calls, no visits with him, nothing. Don't keep any pictures,mementos, etc. around. Once you've cut off contact, don't try to find out what he's up to. Don't google his name or do any investigative work on him. Move forward with your life and don't look back. Keep yourself busy and don't call him no matter what. A good book to read is: "He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys" by by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo. Even though we think guys are confusing, they really aren't. We just tend to over-analyze their behavior. Once you face the truth, it's easier to let go. Best of luck to you.
2006-11-10 14:39:00 · answer #2 · answered by Jenny A_331 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he really your best friend if he's hurt you like this? Do you want a friendship with someone that rebuffed your feelings? Why does he deserve to have you remain in his life? The only way to get over someone is to break it off totally and cleanly. You don't really NEED him as a friend, do you? Walk away and don't look back.
2006-11-10 14:01:04 · answer #3 · answered by Lioness 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain, I am going through the same situation. The best way to get over someone and be their friend is to cut them off completely for a while until you have healed and dont have any romantic feelings for him anymore. Then and only then can you two truly be friends.
2006-11-10 13:59:48 · answer #4 · answered by Blanca 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe we should try to close Pandora's box as well. The attraction will always be there and in time you will get used to the friendship if you are still interested. Good luck !
2006-11-10 14:00:37 · answer #5 · answered by Roger89 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your asking the ultimate HOW ? move on and have fun with your life it takes time-sometimes alot of time but have to go forward --never know they may realize it if you get serious in a year or so with someone else.
2006-11-10 14:00:44 · answer #6 · answered by michael_stewart32 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
there is really nothing that can help love but time! I've been there and it hurts! but we learn and take time to heal! Its a learning experience although i know you dont want to hear this.
GoodLuck
2006-11-10 13:59:19 · answer #7 · answered by greatgiginthesky_80 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
stop talking to them and find someone else. you have to move on in your mind and your heart will follow. i know cause i'm doing that right now
2006-11-10 13:58:37 · answer #8 · answered by Antonio 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would get some friends that you can hang out with get your mind off of him. and start dating. don't get serious with any one yet though it will be a rebound and you will get hurt again
2006-11-10 14:04:46 · answer #9 · answered by mydaughters_mother 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
find a new person to love
2006-11-10 13:58:28 · answer #10 · answered by Rusty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋