My father and I hate each other?

Question

I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this. Ever since I was a little girl my relationship with my dad has been awful. When I was a little girl age (3-7) I would try so hard to get my father's attention but he would always act uninterested or busy. From age 10-15 I received treatment for leukemia and my father was rarely involved with my situation, my mother took care of me while he went to work. Now that I'm cured (age 17) my father has been trying to build a better relationship with me but I can't (and pretty much don't want to) get closer to him. I can't help but feel constant resentment over him and we often get into fights. I usually say something rude or he gets mad at something of very small detail. My mother always tells me that my father just wants to become closer to me and that I should at least be thankful for the all hard work he does to bring income into the family. But I can't help it, I hate him! I'd really like some opinions on anything I've said, thank you.

Answer 1

Listen to your mom. I know it can be very hard to have feelings for someone, or something, that you just don't have feelings for. But, in the case of your dad, as long as you give him respect, that will be good enough for now. It doesn't matter if you love him or not, just go through the motions and see what happens. One day you will marry and hopefully have children of your own. You will want to live by example. What you are doing for your father, even though he may totally not deserve it, will help you be a good teacher to your children. You will feel good about yourself and you won't look back with regret. He may not have been there for you, but you certainly don't ever want to be like him. And by cutting him off, you would (in a way) be like him. Don't do that to yourself, your family, or anyone else.

You sound like you have a good heart and you want to do what's right. It won't be easy, but it will pay off in the end. Also, it's very common for teens to get mad at their parents...especially one who hasn't "been there" for them. Why your dad didn't work harder on a relationship with you all these years, I don't know. But my guess is he has treated you the same way he was treated by his own dad while he was growing up. So I will repeat myself and say "Don't become like your dad." This type of thing has a tendency to be passed down from generation to generation.

Just show respect to your dad. Also, try to do something nice for him. You may not want to at first, but when you see how he reacts, it will make you feel good. And do it even if you feel he doesn't deserve it. He will be happily surprised, and maybe even a feel a little guilty. Surely he knows you have been upset with him. Maybe he doesn't know how to make the relationship right. But, since you have a heart to try to work this out, one way or another, you may be the one that gets it back on track. How good you can, and will, feel about doing that.

Give your dad a second chance and see how he changes. But don't expect it to happen overnight. After awhile, you will wonder how you ever "didn't love him" and eventually be so thankful that you "do love him." You will be blessed in more ways than you know if you and your dad work through this.

Answer 2

hi (i am a 30 year old male)
i could take about 4 years answering your Q but i will try to say what i wanna say as fast as poss....My father was never really there for me at the start of my life he also worked very hard and my mum always told me (in the 80's in ireland things were very tough) be thankfull for all the hard work he did for us all and even though he may not show it he really loves us a lot..i always was sceptical but it just turned out he had a different way of showing love and i now know that he did love me and my brother but things were bad back then....since then my father has help'd me and my bro in byuing a house for our selves and althought he is still a grumpy man i now understand that the **** he went through as a young person was a lot worse than me.
so i think you should just give your father time
(maby a few years) and you will understand him more or he will realise that he was not a great father and suddenly treat you like a princess.. hope you have a great life ...xxxxxxxxx.. irish blessings

Answer 3

Some men find it hard to show that they love their children. It may be that they did not receive that type of love and attention when they were growing up. It could be that they think it shows weakness to show affection or concern. The fact that he is trying to get closer now shows that he has learned over the years. I know that it is hard, that he was not there when you were growing up like you wanted him to be. His way of showing love for you and your mother may have been him working hard and providing for you. Give him a chance. If he is reaching out to you now don't turn your back on him. He may realize that he has not been there for you over the years and he wants to enjoy the rest of your life with you. If you really love him give him the chance to be a part of your life. From a father that had the same problem.

Answer 4

Ya know Hon, everyone makes mistakes-some big, some small. My daughter has been down the same road u are on. I was a real turd when she was around 12-14 years old. In my mind it was for her best interest. But- she began to shun me for trying to do what I thought was best. It's a bad situation but if your dad wants to make amends, please give him a chance at it! What the heck, you can't lose and only gain what may becomes the prize winner that a lot of kids don't even have the chance to ever see. Love the ol guy and if he sh*its on ya again then take it from there. Sounds ta me me he cares about you--Give him a chance!!!

Answer 5

Firstly, congrats on getting cured for ure leaukumia. Thats a wonderful miracle. Secondly, don't hate him. He's ure father. He loves you, and he obviously has a hard time showing it to you. He only gets mad if u say something rude. Your mother is right. Be thankful your father is trying to improve the relationship. It may seem like he waited, but you know he loves u. He always will. Give him a chance. Love him back.

Answer 6

Hi i'm blessina...i've read ur story and felt that i should really answer u back.......well 2 start wid......u knw it's de family all u got and they r ur future.....anyway u cant stay on like this 4ever...so u got 2 take a step forward....well its fine wat u said abt ur dad of him not paying any atention 2wards u frm ur childhood....its his fault 2 and i knw hw u feel nw abt it and hw ur not able 2 get adjusted 2 him....i'm telling u frm my own experience...coz even i've faced it...... u got 2 forget the past and go on wid ur future...atleast be happy as ur mom rightly said 2 u that he has brought u up and is bringing income 2 de family....if he would not have cared even 4 that den just take time 2 think where u would have been wid out his support....like not having education, proper food.....so he is comming closer 2 u knw its de best chance.....try 2 speak 2 him and ask him y he didn't care 4 u.....he also might feel guilty abt it......like that u can solve de problem and start speaking 2 him nicely.....u will get used 2 it someday dont worry......hope dis has helped u.....

Answer 7

I can understand your resentment towards your father. I dont blame you for feeling the way you do. Im sure your father loves you and maybe he's never really known how to show it. But I think you should seek counseling and try to put all the resentment and hatred towards your father behind you. So that you can have a healthy relationship with your dad. Trust me you will be alot happier later and you will feel a whole lot better about yourself. Give your father a chance to make up for all the lost time. Its never to late. Think about it. Good luck.

Answer 8

You do not hate him you are angry with him and you are confused. We have one life, this is no dress rehearsal. Take the opportunity and maybe teach him something. It seems he behaved very poorly, think to yourself and ask yourself where he came from, how much pain he carries, then maybe you'll find something inside yourself that can start to build bridges. The longest of all journeys were all undertaken by making that very first step. Are you so unforgiving as to not give him a lesson in tenderness and forgiveness. Little in life is perfect and there is most certainly no rule book as to how to bring up children. Very often it is the blind leading the blind.

Answer 9

Thats really hard. Sounds like your dad couldnt face seeing you sick and wasent around which obviously hurt you. Sometimes i wonder if dads are clueless...i've got anger towards my father as well . It wasent right of him to not support you in a really horrible time. If i were you i would not avoid him but ask him why he wasent there when you needed him the most. If hes like my dad and seems like he has no heart and dosent understand than this could be hard to even bring yourself to ask. As hard as it is to believe this sometimes people get lost, they go to another place where things arnt so hard. You have every reason to have problems with him , every reason in the world but you cant hate him forever. Talk to him....if he still cant give you a reason mabe then you should stop waiting.

Answer 10

Maybe he distanced himself from you when you were small because he didn't know how to act with little kids. A lot of men dont.
Then when you were ill he was probably too scared to get close in case anything happened to you. Now he is able to connect with you at this age, try to make the effort. Speak to him about how you feel in a calm, rational manner.
If you do not make the effort now you will regret it in the future when he is no longer around. You only get one Dad, Cherish him.