This guy is nerdy, not a great student, not very smart, has no friends and I've even caught him picking his nose a couple of times. I felt really bad for him because kids always teased him so I became his friend, plus I could relate because I used to get teased. He's very nice and once when someone asked him if he preferred a girl with a nice butt or nice boobs he said that only inner beauty and personality mattered (I was sitting next to him so that might be why he said that, because he knew I have a low self-esteem when it comes to my looks). Now, whenever guys see him talking to me in school they tease him and say "Oh why don't you ask her out?" and stuff. Well last time they did that he actually did ask me out! I freaked out and had no idea how to respond but I politelly declined. We still talk and he's still interested in me, he even asked me if I thought he was attractive which made me uncomfortable because I don't. How can I let him know I'm not interested without hurting him?
2006-11-10 12:12:24 · 19 answers · asked by Peace 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thanks guys, a lot of great answers. I've never had a boyfriend before and I'm just not looking for one now. I just want to concentrate on school and nothing else. Thanks for all the encouraging answers. Next time I see him I'll just explain to him that I don't want a boyfriend right now and that I value his friendship and would like to remain a close friend.
2006-11-10 15:09:15 · update #1
LOL... this could have been describing me and Nate back in high school in 82. It's a jungle, high school. People not minding their own business, encouraging people not to obey their better instincts. What would I do now that I have some perspective?
First, respect him enough to be completely honest with him. Acknowledge that you're surrounded by losers who think that their way to be social is the only way. If you find him interesting as a person but are not attracted to him--and will not become attracted to him--then say so, all of it. Expect that he will survive. Be very straight so he doesn't get his hopes up again. Then just go on being friendly and nice, so long as he doesn't give you a creepy vibe.
Meantime, think of some really sharp come-backs for the idiot people who will taunt you. For inspiration watch A Cinderella Story with Hilary Duff. If you are smart then you should be able to think of some stuff to say to them, and deliver it with a scathing look that tells them they are idiots.
2006-11-10 12:23:43 · answer #1 · answered by Singinganddancing 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There's really no way to let someone down without hurting their feelings, especially if they're your friend. The best you can do is tell him that you think he's sweet, and that you enjoy his company, but you don't want to ruin your friendship by entering into a relationship. He'll probably be pissed for a while-- that seems to be the male response to all such let-downs-- and he may or may not want to continue seeing you after that. But that's the best advice I can give you on a touchy issue like that.
2006-11-10 12:23:25 · answer #2 · answered by OodlesofNoodles 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell him u value him as a friend but that u aren't ready or even looking for a committed relationship. u don't have to go into the fact you don't find him attractive, some things just don't need to be said, he is seeking some validation because he has a low self worth, so he asks u if u find him attractive, but it isn't necessary to be too candid, because it will hurt him and effect a good friendship if u tell him how u truly see him. sometimes it's smart to be a little on the discreet side when dealing with someone's emotions, and self worth.
2006-11-10 12:20:53 · answer #3 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Nerd,
I would tell him that you are not looking for a boy friend right now and thank him for asking though. Politely declined sounds to me exactly what you needed to say. If there is no feelings there then you really do not want to get hooked up with him, period.
TDCWH
2006-11-10 12:23:33 · answer #4 · answered by TDCWH 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Nerd: the best way is to just let him down very carefully and
you can explain why? see I know how relationships works
it takes time also understanding each other very well at first
good luck
2006-11-10 12:29:10 · answer #5 · answered by toddk57@sbcglobal.net 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you sound like a nice person..you care about what you want to say..and not hurt..that is a great..character...now..as to the situation you are in...just go along...and do not say anything...things will clear by themselves. how and why? it is time...time works..its way through many problems/issues...give it some time...the distance will appear..he will understand...or you will find time and moments to express...so do not worry...hope it helps...good luck we all need it. where is my ten points? just kidding...
2006-11-10 12:22:55 · answer #6 · answered by s t 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes issues arise and someone will get their feelings hurt. I am sure you will do your best to find a way to address this particular situation because you are sensitive to peoples feelings and a caring person. Who better to talk to him then you....
2006-11-10 12:23:35 · answer #7 · answered by Bikerbutt 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell him you are interested in someone else, tell him you like girls then later on if he See's you with a guy just tell him u were kidding about liking girls. Or just be honest and tell him he's not your type. (Not sure sorry) sunnydays
2006-11-10 12:20:12 · answer #8 · answered by sunnydays 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
okay i used to have the same problem just write a note to him instead of telling him and hope he understands
2006-11-10 12:19:48 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just say you don't want to lose a good friend so let's just keep it at friendship...
2006-11-10 12:16:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋