Boyfriend dilemma. What do you think of this?

Question

II am feeling sad, and you know how when you are upset you just reach out to someone who you think may be able to throw some light on the subject.
My BF asked me to marry him over a year ago. I really felt in love with him, but am not used to moving fast on something that is this important. We are, however, 56 and 62 years old. He was so enthusiastic that I felt enthusiastic, too.
My only concern is my son. It is important that he get through school, and after such a horrendous experience with his dad, my ex (He was bipolar and an alcoholioc) another man close in the picture might hinder his schooling. My BF did not seem to emotionally understand that. Intellectually, he knew it, but emotionally he hated it. We have had ups and downs throughout our relationship, but seem to have gotten past them, although his anger I find distressing. We could get together when my son was through with school this year. Now, he just wants to date. This seems like a step backwards to me.

I actually just saw him, today and am very angry, again. He has decided that we should just date, so we went to the show and out to eat. He is extremely cold to me, and has put a wall up a mile thick. I told him that I cannot fathom living with this kind of relationship. I love him and I am sorry if he felt like I was putting him in second place. I then explained why that might be, with my daughters and everything and not seeing, but he told me he was not about to change his mind or be pressured into anything. Talk about control.............. Then, I get home, go to put an alarm clock in my son's room, only to discover a pack of cigarettes!!!!!!!!!!!!! Real cool since he has asthma. I have already grounded him from the car, what should I do now??? I am about to pull my hair out. I am not crying, but I can tell it is there. The men in my life are being jerks. Dave even went to a psychic yesterday to have her tell him about us.

Answer 1

Did you ever take the time to talk to your son about how you feel for the new man in your life? Have you ever asked him how he felt about the possibility of a step-father? It seems as though you have done 3 people a dis-service by not talking to your son and assuming that your new man might be as problematic as your ex-husband.

You need to talk to the men in your life that you love...not the folks here on answers...be honest and open about how you feel and your fears...then the three of you can find a solution. Best wishes.