My seven year old daughter has had it rough. Her dad and my husband of five and a half years left last year a week before xmas. He hasnt called, seen her nor paid any support. She pushes my bf away to the point of anger. Somedays she really likes him and they have a great time together. But, others she won't talk to him and wants nothing to do with him. She is in counseling and has been for a couple months now. Since her dad left she has thrown really bad tantrums and is very disrespectful to people, including me. How do I get her to express her emotions without anger? Ive tried to get her to talk about her father but she won't and she acts like she don't miss him and it doesnt matter to her. Any tips on how to get her to open up would be greatly appreciated. She does extrodinary in school and with friends, no prob there. She is a very smart little girl and sometimes I feel that she is a little too mature for her age and carries too much on her shoulders.
2006-11-10 11:13:59 · 15 answers · asked by ? 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
I'm sorry to hear that. Tell your bf don't get offended if she tries to push him away, it's an natural response to try to push him away she doesn't and do want him in your and her lives she wants her dad back to and this is painful and confussing to a 7 year old. Don't put up with her temper tantrums use your emagination on what to do in defussing her, but don't hit it would just make matters worse. Have her write her feelings on a pice of paper and then burn it, that's what I use to do. She will talk about her father when she is ready to talk about him, and of course she's going to act like she doesn't miss him she doesn't want you to know how hurt she is. It's good that she is good in school, tell her to keep it up, give her rewards it always helps.... Good luck. If you need more help e-mail me at lill_angel_07_88@yahoo.com
Good luck!
2006-11-10 11:31:17 · answer #1 · answered by lill_angel_07_88 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to feel like you have been abandoned. While I am sure she knows that you love her it has only been a year and especially at this time of year she is going to have a difficult time.
I'm surprised that you have a boyfriend already and she may be drawing from that feeling as well. Almost every child holds to the idea that Mom and Dad will miraculously get back together and the old image of family will be restored.
My parents divorced when I was 6. My mother then disappeared with her drug-dealer boyfriend for 3 years. No call, no show, no nothing. BUT, it didn't stop me from idealizing her. Because she was not in the picture I did not see all of the bad things she did or would have said and with a lack of negative images she ended up on a pedestal in my mind which my Dad did all the work.
Later when my Dad would bring girlfriends home to meet us there was always conflict. Sometimes I would like them but then I would have feelings of guilt, like I was betraying my Mom by liking someone else.
Rather the opposite of your situation with her but I hope it gives you an inside look at one perspective.
I wish you much luck with your daughter and my prayers that you will have the strength to be patient with her. She is grieving for the family she lost whether she realizes it or not. And I am sure you must be too, to some point.
2006-11-10 11:31:31 · answer #2 · answered by Pixie Dust 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you have a boyfriend and is he sleeping with you in the same house when she is there the other thing is she isn't ready to let your boy friend boy be her dad and you and him should think it will ever be you need to tell her that he is not going to be dad he has to earn this and the only way this will happen is in time and you need to give him time with her go to the store for short time's and return and do things as family learn to trust each other and you talk to her about this. Your ex not paying child support has nothing to do with her and your boy friend. How do I know this because I am doing the same thing but my girl friend's daughter's dad has died it has been hard but give her space she will talk.
2006-11-11 01:50:08 · answer #3 · answered by isitreal1963 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She does have a lot on her shoulders- the counselling will work eventually- you can talk to her until your blue in the face- but keep that line of communication open-sounds as if she doesn't trust that new BF of yours- after what her dad did.. Just reassure her & love her she'll learn to adapt...remember she's only 7- you can make her sit with you and keep the conversation rolling- even if she doesn't seem to be listening- she is... you both will get through this
2006-11-10 11:25:59 · answer #4 · answered by bugz 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
My kids' father left when my daughter turned five. She started to throw tantrums and screaming and being disrespectful. I thought counseling was the answer, so I placed her with a counselor. She got worse rather than better. She was feeding off of the counselor and started telling me she wanted to see him. Well, I pulled her out of counseling, we moved out of state and she calls my new husband "daddy". They still see their father for holidays and summer vacation. She is also doing very well in school and is very polite and sweet.
It takes a lot of patience and understanding, but counseling hurt rather than helped.
2006-11-10 16:50:29 · answer #5 · answered by mcgrawm7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it from one who learned from mistakes. Make a plan with her for a code word or sign that she can give you when she needs space, and he needs to excuse himself at least from the area and maybe the home for the time being. She will be more tolerant if he respects her feelings. She will not resent you if you put her first. He is not worth it if he can not understand her needs. This way you can find out if she needs time alone with you or if he has nothing to do with it. If she continues to have anger, don't blame her for normal feelings... she can do jumping jacks or draw to express feelings but not throw tantrums of rage. Enforce consequences now for rage.
2006-11-10 11:51:55 · answer #6 · answered by ambriannaone 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dad left a year ago, you already have a new boyfriend and you are wondering why she is stressing? She is stressing because Christmas is coming, the last one that came round, she lost a parent...perhaps she is scared of it happening again. Maybe she is scared to open up around your boyfriend because the last man in her life abandoned her- she doesn't want this repeating!
2006-11-10 12:49:29 · answer #7 · answered by ♥Pamela♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would think that she has feelings of abandonment and that is why she will push your bf away. Let her know that you will never leave her and that you love her and keep up the counseling. Good luck, kids and their emotions are a hard thing to deal with as they don't know how to deal with them and this one is pretty big for a 7yr old.
2006-11-10 11:20:42 · answer #8 · answered by Megan 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have been raising my son without his father around for 12 years. He opens up to me because he trust me not to judge him. I always spend time with him especially at 7. We use to go to the children's museum. When we went on Vacations we always go to amusement parks and ride all of the rides together. Since he is an only child I have also included his friends. If she pretends still pretend with her. God Bless!
2006-11-10 13:30:26 · answer #9 · answered by Christy 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would ask her counselor for suggestions. I'm sure they know her fairly well now. They would probably have the best answers and you would feel safe in knowing what you would be trying wouldn't be detrimental. Also, you might considering going to counseling together so she can see she might not have been the only one to feel rejected etc.
2006-11-10 11:53:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋