Believe it or not, these are REAL 911 calls...
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I'm wearing a blouse and slacks, why?
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it.
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one.
Caller: Hi, is this the police?
Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance?
Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I've never cooked one before.
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. Fire or emergency?
Caller: Fire, I guess.
Dispatcher: How can I help you sir?
Caller: I was wondering.....does the Fire Dept. put snow chains on their trucks?
Dispatcher: Yes sir, do you have an emergency?
Caller: Well, I've spent the last 4 hours trying to put these chains on my tires and....well.... do you think the Fire Dept. could come over and help me?
Dispatcher: Help you what?
Caller: Help me get these chains on my car!
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband.
And the winner is . . . . . .
Dispatcher: Nine-one-one.
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath.
Darn...I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn......
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the police.
2006-11-10 10:10:36 · 14 answers · asked by writer_girl20 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
those are absolutely hilarious!!!
2006-11-10 10:14:13 · answer #1 · answered by GAgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was sitting here reading these 911 calls with my 10 year old son,
It must have taken us 20 minutes to get through them, We were laughing at these for so long . We cant believe people can be sooo
foolish to think the way they do.
Where do these people come from ? Pluto ?
2006-11-10 10:59:22 · answer #2 · answered by Steve 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid omg 2 punchlines in a row this is hilarious lol
2016-05-22 03:42:38 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the court dialogues are a whole lot funnier than this but the three last jokes really made me rolling on the floor laughing my *** off !!!
2006-11-10 10:14:49 · answer #4 · answered by seXy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Those are gr-8!
Thanks for the laugh!!
2006-11-10 10:25:52 · answer #5 · answered by Lindsey H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG! Those are Real?! That's super Hilarious!!!
2006-11-10 10:32:39 · answer #6 · answered by Helena 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ha ha ha ha that last one was the best!
2006-11-10 10:27:02 · answer #7 · answered by me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dam those made me laugh out loud.
2006-11-10 10:21:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow if those are true thats just sad lol
2006-11-10 11:08:26 · answer #9 · answered by Push_mb20girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hahah thats great!
2006-11-10 10:16:02 · answer #10 · answered by Silly Big Man 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ding! Fries are done...
2006-11-10 10:15:43 · answer #11 · answered by garfield 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋