I have been with my boyfriend for over ten years and although sex is good we hardly ever do it (not for the want of trying on my behalf) i have suggested many things to spice it up and some have worked out ok. My main question is i'v always liked the idea of going with another girl and have said that when we go on holiday at newyear my boyfried and i will get a another girl to join us. I have told my boyfriend unless he makes more effort with me (alone) before we go he will end up only watching. Should i really do this am i brave enough to act out a fantasy? What if it backfires, what if i like it too much? what if he will want it all the time? what steps could i take take to ensure it go's well. Someone told me that when you love someone you do what it takes to keep it exciting. ( We'v both enjoyed the idea for years my idea to actually do it. Should i stop worrying and just go ahead and have some fun?
2006-11-10 10:00:10 · 27 answers · asked by missbadbehaviour 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
That can be a can of worms you may have a hard time closing if you open it. You better be Real Secure in your relationship.
It can get out of hand and ruin everything.
2006-11-10 10:03:51 · answer #1 · answered by Just Me baby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to resolve your own problems before bringing someone else into the mix, if fact it will probably make things much worse.
People who act out fantasies such as this suddenly find the reality is not nearly as good, and these people are usually in a stable and solid relationship.
The fact your attracted to other girls is a seperate issue and something you need to put on hold until you resolve the problem or call it a day with your boyfriend.
Ten years together brings along feelings of complacency in all relationships, you get used to each other, know what each others thinking and you have to work at keeping the spark there.
Don't try and blackmail him into making an improvement, talk to him and find out why, suggest a romantic weekend away to kick start things again.
If you really go ahead with bringing another girl into bed, be prepared it that could be the last time you have your boyfriend in there.
2006-11-10 10:13:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your boyfriend is a lazy, complacent git. Why not let him worry about spicing up your sex life? If he can't be bothered, suggest a 3-some with another guy instead of another girl. If that doesn't get a reaction dump him and find someone else.
The other girl thing really won't help. It may be a quick buzz for you both at the time, but it really won't resolve matters long term. He needs a good kick up the a*se at the very least.
2006-11-10 10:48:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to have worked up all those Bible bashers you wicked wicked woman, I say we should stone you to death, scarlet woman, or maybe the ducking stool. Poor misguided fools. Reality check, Mmmm you seem like a good hearted loyal woman, yet a little blind. All the excuses in the world cannot camouflage the fact that he does not fancy you physically any longer, he is bored and pretty uninterested, he is also dishonest, he is in the comfort zone, he may be getting something elsewhere or he may just have a low sex drive but he certainly is not happy. He should move on but you will tolerate plenty and not overly push him, you to are dishonest, you hold back and do not tell him exactly how you feel. So you dance around each other, playing your well rehearsed routine. Is this a way to lead one's life. You know the answer to that one. You know the truth and you know what you will do about it. You will dance your dance.
2006-11-10 13:50:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say, you have been together 10 years, and hardly ever do it, ( relative, as some people might think once a year ,plenty, others ,once every three hours, not enough ) and that you have done what you can to ensure that you do. But he is not as keen , though you both agree a third party would not be dis-agreeable to you. ....... I think it would only give you a temporary relief from your present situation. The situation would return to your present circumstance, once the initial ' turn on ' and after effects had subsided. Sorry to be blunt, but, he is either , not as se*ually driven as you, or not as attracted to you as you hope. Let's hope it is the former. Good luck.
2006-11-11 09:26:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be dodgy, and cause all sorts of problems. Who will you get to join you? What about STD`s? The main problem I think would be though, is if he ends up fancying the other woman. After the event it could throw up all sorts of insecurities. It`s not right to say that you do what it takes to keep a relationship exciting. Wait until you`ve been married for 26 years like me. If he doesn`t want full sex get him to satisfy you in the other way!
2006-11-10 10:18:19 · answer #6 · answered by The BudMiester 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it is in your best interest to do it (this is my personal opinion) I have been in threesomes but never could I do it with someone I was that serious about. You have been with your man for ten years! Sounds really serious to me. I have seen relationships get torn apart from adding another person to their bedtime activities. There are many other ways to spice up your love life. You should watch some x-rated movies together...it could help.
2006-11-10 10:14:07 · answer #7 · answered by TJ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Believe me, no matter how much you both want it, it will probably turn out disastrous. Even if you don;t like it, he will obsess about it and throw it up in your face at every opportunity. If this is something you want, you need to do it when you are not in a relationship with him...It will ALWAYS be an issue.
I was in this very same situation once. When my husband saw me kissing another woman and fondling her, he went berserk. He wanted to beat me up.
Please don;t do this. Work out your feelings about other women after you have gotten out of this relationship. If you want to stay married, don;t bring another woman into the picture.
2006-11-10 10:09:35 · answer #8 · answered by Kimberly R. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should go ahead and do it - dont wait for him. You cant really take steps to ensure it goes well- if you find a girl who is willing it should be OK. If you like it too much - enjoy
2006-11-12 23:00:38 · answer #9 · answered by John H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi missy..
just go with the flow..some people want more sex than others.i think in all relationships there is one partner that desires the other more than the other. this can be very frustrating when its YOU....i think in a funny way you are trying to satisfy him with what you are suggesting,,, be selfish for once and do what you want to do...dont make the first move and see what happens...if he dosent respond then perhaps you need to re assess the relationship....good luck
2006-11-10 10:09:57 · answer #10 · answered by ringaloony 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋