should I look for my daughter or have her look for me? It's been over 15 years and I know she wants to know.

Question

I was with her Mom who was actually living with her boyfriend at the time. She told me they were no longer together. We started a relationship, she got pregnant and was with me all the way up to the delivery. When I came to the hospital she told me the baby was not mine - it was her husbands. He can't have kids and he is also white. She is italian and I am black. I saw my daughter after she was born, but have not seen her since than. My sister told me that the lady had changed her hair color to black, and gained alot of weight. She used to be a Body Builder. Just to throw me off from recognizing who she was. I miss my girl - I know she is mine and I know she knows that couldn't be her BIOLOGICAL Dad. Her name was cheyanne when she was born. Moms name is Judy. They lived in California. I have more information, but this should suffice for now. Maybe someone is reading this who knows something. Tell her - her father's name is DOUG.

Answer 1

why not visit her?

Answer 2

Tough situation, but I know a lot of people who have experienced the same issue. When your daughter gets old enough to really know and care about that situation, she'll come looking for you. In the meantime, it wouldn't hurt to try and find out where they are living from mutual friends or maybe family. Good luck.

Answer 3

Wow, what an Amazing Story!

I'm a black woman with 2 brothers and 7 uncles, and I think I can give you good advise..If your daughter is Bi-Racial, then chances are it is Very Obvious that she is Not that white man's child. I have some bi-racial relatives, and it is usually very obvious when a child is Bi-Racial. So, if she is yours, then Chayanne probably knows by now that she is "different" from her white brothers and sisters, and that she might be mixed.

Your situation is different because your Baby's Mom... was married! So, it's somewhat understandable she was going to lie and say the baby was her husbands. It was WRONG, but she was probably very afraid of losing her husband.. But, you know what--the past is the past. Try to forgive her for lying to you at the hospital. She was wrong to do that--Yes. But she was a married woman.

OK, so Chayanne is 15 years old now--right? So, here's what I think is best for you to do. If you were my brother, I would tell you to to look for her now--and when you find her, send her a letter addressed to her telling her who you are and how you feel, and how sorry you are for what has happened.

You are her FATHER. Look for YOUR CHILD...I am a Teacher, and I see first hand what not having a father does to children--especially girls. Chayanne probably knows that white man is NOT her father. Imagine how she feels going to school every day, and when all the kids see her Mom and Dad--they Know that is NOT her father! I mean, maybe her mom is telling her that she inherited her "Italian side"---but looking at your photo--Chayanne probably has tanned/dark skin and maybe even has nappy hair. (like many bi-racial kids).. For example, Halle Berry's mom is white--but Halle Berry don't look white--at all...In other words, Chayanne probably feels sad, emabarrased, and ashamed about herself. On top of that, she might feel empty about not having her real Dad in her life.

If you come into her life--she will want to know what happened. Just tell her the truth, but be very, very gentle and very humble and sorry..Its going to hurt her either way--but the sooner the better...I have a 30 year old cousin who just found out that the man she thought was her Dad--is not..Her real father's family contacted her..My cousin feels angry and embarrased that she didnt know the truth much sooner in life. But, she is now building a reltionship with her real father and his family.

Try to reconcile with Chayanne's Mom and Forgive her Mom. You both are her PARENTS--and its time you come togther and act like Parents. In the newspaper in my town, there was a story about a man who never visited his son that he had as a teen. Then, his son turned 18, joined the army and went to Iraq. The son was killed in Iraq a few months ago. The Father had no idea his child was in Iraq. The father went to the funeral, we could tell he was soooo sorry that he let time slip by without ever reaching out to his child. The funny thing was that when they published both their pictures in the paper--they looked like twins.

Its time to start looking for your Daughter. You dont know what may happen to her--for we are not promised tomorrow.

Type in her full name (first and last) in Google.com, and see what comes up. Use the husbands last name. Put the name is quotation marks like "Chayanne Smith". Also type in her Mom's name..Or, try to locate her Mom's old friends and see if they know where she is--that might get your further.

Don't contact them arguing about the past, and yelling about who was right and who was wrong. Go in a spirit of Peace and Forgiveness. Move forward and build a relationship with your daughter and your baby's mom--and don't look back.

Try not to interfere in her relationship with her "other father". Maybe has has accpeted her and maybe he did take care of her and loves her. If so, then respect that he is a father figure to her as well; and dont make her feel guilty for loving him..Shake hands with him, and compliment him on the good man that he is if he did take care of her--after all, not many men would raise their wifes' black baby that she conceived by cheating on him with.

Good Luck.

Answer 4

YES BE THE PARENT AND FIND YOUR DAUGHTER IT WOULD THEN BE UP TO HER
(YOUR DAUGHTER) IF SHE WANTS TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS PS HER MOM SOUNDS LIKE A REAL BIYATCH I WOULD NEVER TELL SOMEONE HE IS THE FATHER THEN AFTER I GAVE BIRTH SAY HE WASNT THATS JUST WRONG!

Answer 5

Find your daughter by any means necessary and get all the help you possibly can. I don't understand why you waited so long to connect with your child. Find her NOW!!!!

Answer 6

Call the Maury show,the show has reunited families for years.Good luck

Answer 7

i don't know her but if i was the dad i would look for my kid

Answer 8

YOUR THE ADULT U KNOW WHAT U NEED TO DO SO STOP QUESTIONING IT & JUST DO IT