We act like we're engaged already.... I think I'm a little confused... =========================?

Question

Ok. I know I just posted a question about this.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Av3MHUYNmLLIGdvqCqrtp5_sy6IX?qid=20061110132130AABqSCm

Some people said I should talk to my boyfriend about this whole "engagement" thing... so we are on the same page.

I'm a little hesitant about that though. I'm scared I'll end up ruining a plan he has (IF he even has a plan).

Or I'm scared that I'm asking too much of him too "soon." We've been together for 9 months. He's asked me to marry him several times. No ring. We always talk like we're already engaged. Our future house, kids, pets, etc. I'm a little confused. Why are we talking like this if we're not even officially engaged? Is this normal?

Or maybe I'm getting all hyped about this because everyone else seems to be getting engaged (after only 1 month, 5 months, and 8 months)... and I feel like I have to be engaged too. I mean, I've even been with my boyfriend for longer.

I don't know... why am I feeling like this??

Oh. And this is my first serious relationship. I've never talked to a guy about marriage and everything like this before. I don't know how this stuff goes.

THANKS!!

He's the right guy for me. I swear it.
He's not just talk. We really love each other.
Maybe being in college at the same time and the whole financial situation isn't helping any...

And I have said yes to him.
So I'm sure about him. : }

To Sam:

We plan on getting married after we're done with college. And yeah, I was thinking maybe he's gonna wait till an anniversary or something to get engaged...

Answer 1

Hey hun:) Yes - this is normal. Most relationship progress by word first, then action.

For example, you meet a guy who you think is great. First you talk about going out, maybe a date or two. Then you decide you want to be in a relationship. Now you are dating....

After a while as a official couple, it usually either gets old and ends, or starts to get a bit more serious. At this point, you start talking about future plans and what you do/don't want. This eventually leads to an engagement.

It sounds like that is were you are at right now. This is an important part of any relationship. After all - once he does pop the question, you want to know you are giving the right answer right? Things like were you want to live, how many kids you want, etc - are important things to know about each other BEFORE commiting.

After all - if you don't discuss it, you won't know if you are even headed in the same direction in life - and you need to figure that out BEFORE you get engaged rather then after.

Answer 2

well, there is no rush to get married, you still have time. And just because everyone else is getting engaged/married does't mean you have to. It irks me when people do that. Since my husband and I got engaged/married 4 or 5 of our friends have gotten engaged and I swear 3 of them aren't even going to last through the engagement! I'm not saying this is your case at all, I'm just saying, don't do it b/c everyone else is doing it. :P

If you really aren't sure talk to him. If it's real love you won't scare him by moving too fast, I mean the guys already asked you, I don't think he's scared of it. Just say, I don't want to ruin any plans if there are any but I was wondering...." and ask that way. So he's not obligated to reveal plans if any, but you can talk about it and see what's going on.

Communication is a huuuuuuge part of marriage (relationships in general actually) and if you can not communicate well now... it doesn't look good for your future, so just talk to him. He loves you, he'll understand; and who knows he might be having the same feeling you are, he's just too scared to say anything just like you. :D

Answer 3

This man of yours is getting severe approximately matters that he realizes are going to be primary disorders one day. And cash is a massive dilemma. If you don't seem to be at the identical web page together with your fiscal suggestions, you have to paintings via that earlier than marriage. If he thinks you are uninteresting considering you will not drink and smoke with him, then probably the 2 of you don't seem to be headed within the identical course and also you have to seem at that dilemma as good. Is your consuming and smoking the one factor he appreciated approximately you??? You would ask him that and with a bit of luck support him notice that the ones are movements, no longer who you're. Do the of you may have whatever in average except partying? Better to determine that out now than after a doomed marriage. It's going to take a few severe verbal exchange to determine wherein you are each coming from right here. Talk, speak, speak!!! It's tough, however ultimately it is valued at each minute you spend money on verbal exchange. I wish matters determine. If no longer, then there's consistently a cause. I do want you the first-class.

Answer 4

I understand where you are coming from, my boyfriend and I are in our early 20s too and we have been dating since our senior year in high school. We can't wait to get married so we talk about it a lot. We look at wedding websites and organize ideas, and we are not engaged because we want to wait until we graduate from college first. It is normal to talk about being engaged when you meet the one. We will be graduating soon so we will be making our dreams are reality soon! But we talk about our wedding and our future together all the time, and we have always been on the same page. So just talk to him so you will know if you are on the same page. Good luck!

Answer 5

My fiance and I did this before making it official. We would talk about the future and how we would work out being married and having careers that run on completely different time schedules (ugh). So, yes, it is normal to talk about it a great deal ahead of time.

He may be waiting until you have hit a landmark anniversary. I don't mean that he's going to propose ON your anniversary; it could just be that he or his family would feel more comfortable if you were together for, say, a year before engagement.

Ask him, "When would your ideal time be to get married?" or "What is your ideal age to get married?" It wouldn't be putting any pressure on him and would give you an idea of what's going on.

Answer 6

It's obvious that you are young and don't have a great grasp of reality - not saying that to be mean, honest, but it's true. Stuff you are talking about is just junk. You are young, and have not much experience in the ways of the world. If he is your first serious bf, then that could be a problem. You just could be infatuated. You sure won't know in only going out for nine months!
To heck with what "everyone else" is doing - that makes you sound like you are 12!

Answer 7

I think it's normal to talk about your future when you are in a relationship. It doesn't mean that you have to be engaged or anything. Just take it slow, really there is no rush, especially since you are in college. Good things come to those who wait.

Answer 8

there was this guy who said i love you the second time he called me and we're not even friends. next month, we were talking about wedding in the Netherlands (oh, i jst like to have blue tulips!), then we were talking about honeymoon in Seychelles and/or Maldives then Singapore...hahaha...we jst met a month ago...then we were talking about kids names and dream house and the whole enchalada...and we're not even bf/gf..no formal date as to when we started to be a couple, it came all in a blur and haste...dunno...a bit confusing..after a year, during a very casual lunch, he popped out the question and the ring...we're getting married in January 2007...you may say it all started with talking/planning about the wedding...well, i'd say it all started with "hello" :)
just continue planning, enjoy it don't stress urself much on it...and observe what he is doing in return, is he as excited as you are or jst plain "ok, whatever you like" type of guy..
whatever the outcome is, keep your cool...anyhow, you could always have those wedding plans work on other guys...*wink*

Answer 9

go ahead and talk to him. just don't start planning the proposal if you're afraid of ruining a plan he may have. he has already asked you, and you have said yes, so technically, you are engaged, ring or not. so, sit him down, explain what you've explained to all of us; that you feel the two of you are engaged, and ask him if that's how he feels as well. you need to speak with him about it if you are honestly confused!

Answer 10

When asking a girl to marry you a ring is standard, no ring = just talk. Slow down and just because everyone else is doing it does not mean you have to. The right moment will come and the right guy will have a ring prepared not just talk. Good luck.