Any advice would be helpful for this situation/My husb. and I have been married for 26 yrs/we have 5 children?

Question

we hav 2 grandkids.All of our kids are over the age of 21 except 1 who is 16. My daughter is 25 and moved back in with us,she has the 2 kids.it's a mess.She is jobless,carless,no income except 80 wk for childsupport.Two of my sons lives on their own. One broke his ankle and is on layoff rt now.Not a week goes by that they don't ask for $.My son w/the broken ft needs $ for rent or he's getting evicted.My other son asks for 20.00 here and there but usually every wk or so but pays us back.My daughter was getting public asst{food stamps}which helped out feeding 3 extra people but dnt know what happened to that,she don't get them anymore.What can we do? I am sooo tired of this crap. We are not poor but we are not rich either and it seems like we work to support grown adults.I can't just throw my daughter and the grandkids out but she is so ungrateful and doesnt help do anything.I know it's not my sons fault he broke his foot but we don't have the $ to pay his rent.There is so much more...

Answer 1

They will continue to act as they are unless there are consequences.You have to sit each child down, and tell them that you are finished supporting them. Tell them that you just don't have the money the next time they ask. Let your daughter know that you will be charging her rent from now on, otherwise, you are going to kick her out. Do not threaten her, and then continue to support her. Threaten her, and then kick her out if she doesn't pay her rent. I would call city agencies to see if they can give you any help for the grandkids though, you don't want to see them on the streets. Your son that was laid off. - doesn't he get an unemployment check? Even if he doesn't, how long could he possibly be out of work? Have him pay you back when he gets back to work. Make him sign an I.O.U. And threaten to take him to small claims court if he doesn't pay you back. Good Luck!! p.s. The Dr. Phil show deals with this topic often, try to catch an episode on this.

Answer 2

To get this straight
5 kids
1 daughter
4 sons
2 Sons live on their own no problem
1 Son ask for money every week or so but pays back no problem.
1 son has a broken foot (How and why?)
1 Daughter ( with 2 kids) 80 dollars a week plus public asst

So the Question is which one is the trouble it sounds like your daughter so you need to stand up and let her know that she has to help around the house. If you work outside the home then she should be doing most if not all of the household work,cleaning, laundry, cooking.
My daughter (with 1 child)moved back in with no assistance at all but she took complete care of the home it was a totally pleasant experience. I still consider my grandchild as my own child.
As far as your son with broken foot what happens when he is healthy, in other words is this a short term problem or what?

Answer 3

They have to make their own ways. Its not YOUR fault any ot the things that have happened to them have. If you can't or dont want to help them, dont beat yourself up about it. Give your lazy daughter a date to be out (few months TOP) she was already living on her own before so she can do it again. Suggest that your laid off son bunks in with someone else because if you start paying his rent, you may be doing it for a while. DON'T put their problems on you, they are all adults and need to find a way to get through their trying times.

Answer 4

You need to learn how to say, "I love you, but no, I can't help out this time." - Get some counseling to help you through it. If you continue to say yes, you are not helping. Maybe you can help in every way except money.... you know babysitting, groceries, a ride here and there, but don't give money. Tell them..."I'm sorry, but the Bank of is closed indefinately, we are trying to save for ."

...of course, the 16 y/o is not included in that though.

If the 25/yr mother is a mess w/ drugs and the whole bit, see if she will give you custody of those children and kick her out until she gets her stuff together. Some people just don't learn.

Said a prayer for you. It will all work out in the end, as soon as you accept the olders ones are not your responsibility anymore. God bless.

Answer 5

It sounds like you need to have a sit-down serious family meeting with all of your adult children present. Let them know that you are more than willing to help as you can, but you can't continue to pay for everything for everyone. Maybe the son can move back in until his foot is healed and he's back to work (isn't he getting any type of disability?). Your daughter needs to step it up, and be a woman, and work to take care of herself and her children. Too many parents are paying for their grown children and grandchildren to live. In some cases, it's necessity, and in other's it's just laziness on the part of the grown children.

Tell them flat out - if they don't work they don't eat. That's biblical. Not easy, but you need to be firm about it. what will you and hubby do when all your savings, etc., is gone and you're living paycheck to paycheck? What happens if one of you can't work? Then what? I wish you strength and good luck.

Answer 6

It will be so hard to do this but it has to be done...those kids will continue to mooch off of you until YOU stop them....Give your daughter a time limit, say 3 monthes, to get her act together and find a job, her own place, etc. Explain to her you just cannot take care of them financially. Was your son's injury from a work related accident? He may be eligible for workers compensation. Your daughters public assistance probably stopped because she is living rent free at your home...this will make an emotional and financial ruin of you...tell your kids to grow up!!! God Bless and good luck.

Answer 7

What advice can anyone give you except to tell you not to help your kids when they ask for help, which is very hard because they are your kids and parents feel bad when they have to put their foot down when it comes to always helping them out in whatever situation they are in. But, I can see your point of view, who helps you when you are making ends meet with your earning, no one, I am also a mother and I used to help my kids out a lot, but it's the same story, because they are always in need of money, so, what I did was when they asked me for a loan I would say that I did not have any money, and I always stick to that. In your situation concerning your daughter you need to tell her that she has to find a job, so, that she can find somewhere else to live, which I am sure there is a lot of help for a single parent, there is housing which I am sure she qualifies. She needs to move out of your house because she knows she has it easy where she is right now. And about your son the one with the broken foot I would definitely help him out because he needs your help right now. I hope that you can find a solution to your problem. It's up to you to decide what solution you have to take.

Answer 8

Wow sheila,you have a mound of problems there huh,and no messing!! However,EVERY SINGLE ONE of the posts i read agree that there ARE things you can do to alleviate this situation,almost ALL agreeing that your daughter needs to pull her weight a little more-tough love i saw more than once in there.I especially thought the post about her moving in with her brother was excellent,way to go that lady!Sheila,once you sort out the main criteria here,you should be well on the way to being on top of the situation-remember,the gravy train stops here,tough love starts! Best of..:-)

Answer 9

it took my husband and that i 3 years to conceive as i had dazzling classes. holding the sperm in you particularly has no longer something to do with it - i consistently use the bathing room after intercourse and if that grew to become right into a confident hearth being pregnant prevention approach there does no longer be a fabulous style of teenage twits in this website pointing out that they are pregnant. good success - all good issues come to those that wait. you ought to although see a fertility professional because it particularly is often recommended that in case you havent conceived certainly interior of 12 montsh you ought to be examined for thyroid probs, untimely menopause and so on i did somewhat some diverse fertility remedies and then fell pregnant the previous-shaped way and am now 18 weeks good success

Answer 10

First have your daughter move in with the son with the broken leg.Tell her to get a job and help here brother. Also tell them that you did your job in raiseing them and now they need to depend on each other.Your job is over ..... I think u should put your foot down and make it clear to them that if their not willing to help themselfs then don't expect your help. If u keep on helping them u are enabling them to help themself.I wish u all the luck.