i'm pregnant....but...its not as simple as that, help!?

Question

i found out a little over two weeks ago that i was pregnant was my ex boyfriends baby. i tried for two weeks to get back with him because i wanted to actually consider having the child. i didnt tell him that i was pregnant when i was trying and he said no. i believe that people need a reason aside from having a child to be together.

so, im pregnant, and im alone. i have dreams that i want to achieve and things i wish to do, but this kind of ruins those. everything intelligent is telling me to...get rid of it. but, my heart tells me not to. my heart tells me i can have the child, put it up for adoption and hope he/she has wonderful parents that will help the child become an amazing person someday. but, ive never wanted to have children and the thought of having one that i don't or cannot raise myself is...just...too difficult.

i don't know what to do. please help!

telling my family about it would be the worst thing i could do. i don't believe in abortions as a means to birth control either. its never as simple as that, i thought it was until i was in this situation.

Answer 1

Sweetheart, believe me that it's not your heart telling you to have the child. It's the hormones that you body's being flooded with that are sending you that maternal mesage. If you really want to carry this child and put it up for adoption, you need to talk to your parents NOW.

Any decision you make will be difficult and have reprocussions. I'm sure people on this site will hate me for saying this, but abortion is defiantely an option you should consider, and SOON. In the end it may cause you and your family a lot less heartache, and although it's no walk in the park, you will recover, and life will go on...possibly better than if you have a child you never wanted and then have to live with the fact that someone else is raising your own blood because you could not or didn't want to.

This is a very conservative site, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that if you do decide on an abortion, then it's the right decision for you. Your body, your future, your choice.

Answer 2

It is up to you whether to have an abortion or not. Lots of people will answer this saying "OMG do not have an abortion" (and I will get lots of 'thumbs downs' for saying that) but in the end it is YOUR choice. There are lots of things to consider, but since you're all worked up over it (which I totally understand), try doing this to help you go through the process.

First, breathe! Then think. Can you handle raising a child? Is there any way you could? Can someone else help? Can you go on welfare? Can you live with your parents for a while? Etc.
If the answer is YES, then ask yourself if you would love and want this child.
If the answer is YES, then you have decided.

If the first answer is definitely NO, you could not raise a child, then the option of keeping it is out.
So then ask yourself "Can I handle carrying this pregnancy to term?" What effects will it have on you? Could you emotionally handle giving a child up for adoption? Could you handle having an abortion? Will you lose just as much (your career, etc) through carrying this child?
If the answer is YES, I am ready to deal with being pregnant and giving this child up when it's born, then you should consider adoption.
If the answer is NO, I could never carry a child and give it away, or NO I can't afford to be pregnant right now for whatever reasons, you should consider abortion.

Call Planned Parenthood. They will not pressure you either way, contrary to what some people would have you believe. Their number is 1-800-230-7526. If there is an office in your area, they can set up a free appointment with a counselor to talk about your decision. If there is not, the person on the phone can still discuss all the things you need to consider.

Good luck. It is not an easy thing to decide.

Answer 3

Listen up, Hon. Being pregnant isnt the end of your dreams just a little addition to it. Adoption is always hard but if you feel you cannot keep the child then at least you gave it the chance for life. And by adopting you know the parents have enough money to take care of the child. Make sure if you do decide on adoption to go with a reputable organization so that the parents will be screened and you dont have to worry. I wish you would at least consider keeping the child as it could be the best thing that ever happened to you. At least consider it as an option. I wish you all good luck and hope that this hard time in your life works out for you.

Answer 4

First of all, it sounds like you have your head on straight so take a deep breath. It is scary when you find yourself single and pregnant (I know from experience) but as time goes by, if you do keep the baby, you will find strength you didn't know you had. Also remember many women may be attached or married but that isn't always the answer either--some men leave, some men cheat, some men act like babies too, and some men drop dead. So you might find yourself alone (or better off alone) at some point anyway, and if that happened you wouldn't give that baby up, you'd figure out how to make a way. Lastly, don't think of your plans being "ruined." Our plans are nothing but flexible, you have to roll with the punches. You might get what you think you want and decide later that was a waste of time. Or you might go down one road headed toward your goal and it leads to something else amazing, something totally different. Often you will find the best things that happen in life are unplanned. In hindsight you may look back one day and think this baby is the best thing that ever happened to me. If you do decide to terminate your pregnancy you will also have to look back at that in hindsight and you might not feel so great. I am sorry you are in a tough situation but please try to stay healthy in the meantime, take your folic acid and prenatal vitamins, and make your decision with confidence. This is one that you can't really take back once it's made, you have to stick to it. Whatever you decide, keep in mind all of the reasons why you went with it and not all of the reasons you could have gone another way. Good luck and be strong.

Answer 5

Consider a few things.....

Even if you choose to keep the child, you still can accomplish all of the goals you have, it may just take a little longer.

Think about "Open Adoption", this is where you get to sellect the future parents of the baby, and sometimes even stay in contact. This may make it easier for you if you get to personally sellect the parents.

Stay possitive! Visit a place like Planned Parenthood. They can help show you all of your options.

Once you've made you descision, don't let anybody force you to do something you dont want to. After all, this will affect the rest of your life! Good luck, and best wishes (no matter what you descide!)

Answer 6

Honey, you are in a really tough situation. You do not want children, yet you are pregnant. You do not believe in abortion, yet you don't want adoption either. You have to make a decision. My advice is adoption. You are right, this child may be an amazing person one day. I don't believe it is our right to take that away from a child just because it interferes with our plans. Do you know about open adoption? This way you are able to keep contact with the adoptive parents to see how the child is doing and how much of an amazing person they become later in life! I talk to girls in your situation all the time. If you want to talk, instant message me. angels_among_us7777

Answer 7

well let me tell u this... if your not ready to have a baby u shouldn't...coming from a mother who started young i currently have 1 child and I had him when i was 17 and truth be told i told myself i was ready for the baby but months into being a mother it took a lot away for me...i don't regret having my son but in your case a baby wont keep a man around... and giving up the child for adoption wouldn't feel right because at the end of the day you have to think about it... would u had wanted ur parents to give u up for adoption... and by doing that eventually the child would want to know who is real parents and u don't want that kind of drama...as a woman and a mother i can only tell u follow her heart... a baby can make the world u live go round

Answer 8

A child is an awesome thing, an extension of yourself. The love of a child will put an end to your loneliness. Don't worry about taking care of the child, there are plenty of single mothers out there that are doing an awesome job! Putting the child up for adoption will just give you years of wondering what things could have been like with your child. I think you are just going though some fear because you don't have a man around to help you, but that can always change and until then, think of the little bundle of joy will have in your arms, all fear will go away.

Answer 9

Hey sweetie. These things are sent to test us aren't they? :( I am 18 weeks pregnant, my boyfriend promised me the world and round about now we were due to move in together and everything was going to be magical. I was really good to him and then two weeks back he left me for a reason i do not know and wont even speak to me. He broke my heart.

I knew in my heart i didnt want to have an abortion and i was having the baby. I have considered adoption but i just know when i hold the baby i wont be able to let go.

I had dreams too, but i am just starting to look at it as they are being put on hold for a few years. Instead of having my life now, i will do it later on, when my child is older and i am more on track.

If you keep this baby, you will find that they are the magic of your eye and that you dont need the father to be enough for your little one. You just find the strength because you have to. Your little one will make you happier then you have ever been i bet and it is a blessing that your little one will be a best friend for you for the rest of your life!!! :)

Your family might be really shocked and worried for you at first but they will come round and support you all the way. They love you and will love their grandchild.

Stay strong for yourself and your little baby. Your baby needs its mummy to stay strong.

I wish you all the best!

Alexa X

If you need to talk to someone then my email address is [e-mail]

Answer 10

First of all, if you're a minor, you need to tell your parents. I know that is easier said than done, but you have to be strong. You need to have prenatal care. You can speak to someone at Planned Parenthood regarding adoption options. It is early yet and you have time to decide what you want to do, but please, make sure you have medical care while you are pregnant for your sake as well as the baby's. You also should tell the father of the child. He has a right to know about his child. It doesn't meant you have to get back together with him, but he is the father.