He's gone, I can't let him go.?

Question

Ok, so I know I've given many others advice on grieving a lost pet.

The truth is, I haven't grieved my dog I lost 6 months ago. I'm aware that I HAVE to allow myself to grieve. I have not because I feel so helpless and the sadness is overwhelming.

I got Maverick 15 years ago as a puppy from a shelter and as silly as it may sound to some of you, he was my soulmate. Having gone through my teenage years with me, the birth of my son at a very young age, as well as all the other major changes in my life in the last ten years, he was my only constant. He meant everything to me. I sometimes feel that he could still be with me had I not put him down. Like there was soemthing else I could have done. I can't talk about him let alone think about him. I have his ashes in an earn with his collar, a treat from the neighbor (who babied him) as well as a snip of hair from his tail. How unhealthy is my reaction? What am I supposed to DO?

PLEASE, no smart a** comments.

Should have mentioned... I do have two other young, high maintenance dogs that require a lot of attention, exercise and love. It doesn't help.

You can see a pic of Maverick and me on his last day. My son and I played hookie the day the vet came out to put him to sleep. There's also a pic of my other two if you click on "my pics"

www.myspace.com/kristenjohnson14

Answer 1

your reaction is normal..I also have a relationship like that with my dog..however having compassion and putting your dog down (so he didd'nt suffer anymore is not something you should berate yourself for) IT IS A GREAT THING YOU DID FOR YOUR BEST FRIEND....somehow we as humans hold back our hearts from others because of fear of being hurt or ridaculed but with a special pet we can love them unabashedly....I recommend you going to the homeless shelter and sharing your heart with another deserving friend as this is a wonderful gift you can give an animal and YOURSELF...AND AS A LAST THOUHT..PLEASE STOP FEELING GUILTY...AS YOUR PET IS ALWAYS WITH YOU AS YOU CARRY HIM IN YOUR HEART...he would wish you happiness with a new pet I am sure......you are a great pet lover as I am too...:>}

Answer 2

I think your reaction is a healthy one. You were obviously very attached to your dog and I know how that feels, to lose one having had to put that loved one to sleep. There are always the nagging thoughts of what if I had done this or that? But the truth is, when you are that close to a dog you more than likely exhausted many avenues doing everything you could to help your dog before resorting to the most humane option.
I hope you continue to talk about your loss and keep around whatever you need to until you are DONE. There is not a timetable that is exact for grieving. I still have my German Shepherd Dog's urn and I lost her four years ago. My memories of her are warm now, without the pain.
I think it took longer to "let her go" because I have two other dogs that were both foster-mom'ed by her and they remind me of her too, but those memories are good now.
In sympathy for your loss! - Jo

Answer 3

I am so sorry. I put my Shih Tzu, Singlei, down 2 years ago. I still miss her everyday. Sometimes I can still feel her around me. I also have her urn, collar and a beautiful picture of her. I don't think that is abnormal. She was with me, also during teenage years and a terrible battle with Anorexia.

Putting a dog a down is a very traumatic experience, but it is a very humane thing to do. That is the one thing that we can do for our furbabies. We can have compassion to put them out of their pain and suffering. I also questioned my decision but she was suffering and I didn't want her to suffer because I couldn't let her go. You did the humane and loving thing for your dog. I keep reminding my self of that.

You do need to grieve. Some people don't understand the attachment people can have with the pets, but my two Yorkies that I have now are my babies. I did get a new dog right after I had Singlei put down. Just give yourself time. We can't get over traumatic experience like that over night or even a year or two. Everyone grieves at a different pace.

I wouldn't trade one minute with my Singlei despite all the pain and sadness I have felt since she has been gone- It was all worth it.

Answer 4

You don't have to let him go. Think about all the fun times and the sad times that you shared with him. Times that will make you smile and times that will make you sad. The way you are feeling is totally normal .Eventually you will be able to tell stories about him and feel melancholly.In the last 5 years I unfortunately lost 2 dogs .One was pts and the other had a very tragic accident happen. Even now with Noey who I pts 5 years ago,sometimes i'll look at her pic and talk about her and get tears in my eyes , and Sadie when I talk about her accident 3 years after it happened I cry. At the same time I can talk about happy funny stories about each of them ,and it puts a smile on my face.Sadie I have her ashes in a urn and her pic on my fridge ,and Noey I have her ashes in a box and pics of her my mantle.I'll never let either one go ,they will both have a special place in my heart.Give it time the pain will lesson ,and maybe someday you'll get another puppy. Not to replace Maverick ,but to help fill a empty place.

Answer 5

I lost my dog back in 1986. November 9, 4:00 PM.
Although it was a hard loss, and it still affects me today,
I've learned that even though she isn't here physically, she's always
in my heart.
You have other dogs that need your love and attention.
You'll never forget Maverick, but you'll find in time, as I have that
once you realize that your pet is no longer suffering, that you can
remember the happy times and not feel so bad they're gone.
Be well and live life to the fullest, for life is indeed short and our
time here on Earth is finite.
I leave you with....

A Dog's Prayer



by Beth Norman Harris

Treat me kindly, my beloved master, for no heart in all the world is more grateful for kindness than the loving heart of mine.

Do not break my spirit with a stick, for though I should lick your hand between the blows, your patience and understanding will more quickly teach me the things you would have me do.

Speak to me often, for your voice is the world's sweetest music, as you must know by the fierce wagging of my tail when your footstep falls upon my waiting ear.

When it is cold and wet, please take me inside, for I am now a domesticated animal, no longer used to bitter elements. And I ask no greater glory than the privilege of sitting at your feet beside the hearth. Though you had no home, I would rather follow you through ice and snow than rest upon the softest pillow in the warmest home in all the land, for you are my god and I am your devoted worshipper.

Keep my pan filled with fresh water, for although I should not reproach you were it dry, I cannot tell you when I suffer thirst. Feed me clean food, that I may stay well, to romp and play and do your bidding, to walk by your side, and stand ready, willing and able to protect you with my life should your life be in danger.

And, beloved master, should the great Master see fit to deprive me of my health or sight, do not turn me away from you. Rather hold me gently in your arms as skilled hands grant me the merciful boon of eternal rest -- and I will leave you knowing with the last breath I drew, my fate was ever safest in your hands.

Answer 6

My opinion...

First let me say I'm sorry for your loss. A pet is a member of the family and should be grieved for as long as you feel you need to. As with human loss, time will allow you to heal and soon you will remember the love you felt with and for Maverick with a smile on your face instead of with tears.

I lost my Blackie cat November of 2005. Although I don't cry anymore, I still miss him every single day and I know I will for the rest of my life.

Muffin, the dog that I had while I was a teenager and through my early 20's is a dog that I say "God, I wish she were here to see my son" or I'll have a nice memory of her and smile remembering...but still miss her til this day. I had a can of her dog food in my dresser for the longest time, it may still be in there in fact.

We all double think the issue when we put our animals to sleep. Wouldn't it be nice if they could just fall asleep in their favorite chair or on their favorite rug? But we all feel guilty when we have to be the ones to make the decision, even if our heads know it was the right thing to do, our hearts are broken for a long time.

Your reaction IMHO is normal, because I've felt it. All of it. I've kept blankets of Blackie's because they had his fur on it. And only last week finally felt that it was ok for me to get rid of it. That's when I finally felt it was ok to let those material things go after almost a year. For you, it may take longer....but don't worry about being "normal" or not. Unless you feel that you're not able to function because your grief is so overwhelming, then I'd say there was a problem. But this is all just normal. Your loss feels tremendous because your love for him was TREMEMDOUS. And it's ok.

Don't worry, you'll be together again one day....all of our babies are waiting for us. :-)

Good luck to you......

Answer 7

I wish you read my question from a hour ago. My boyfriends aunt was going to put her 17 year old collie mix dog to sleep today. His name is Micky. He is soooo adorable even in old age.
He has a series of old age related issues.
Partial blindness w/ cataracs, stiffnes upon rising and sitting, deaf (although I think he has selective hearing deafness) seperation anxiety, non cancerous tumors, shedding, ect.
Less than 2 hours ago he WAS going to be put to sleep to ease his suffering. He was right there on the table.
After the exam he was deemed a healthy dog for his age.
All he needed was a joint lubricator/arthritis pill. A mild excercise program and a different diet. He is in NO PAIN.
The entire family was fighting over Micky being put to sleep.
I cried for an hour till I got the call that Micky is home.
I say all this because I was in hysterics thinking of him leaving us.I LOVE the crazy old guy. He still chases cats to this day :)

It is OK to grieve. Even if it is considered a long time by others. Screw them. Your the mommy of Maverick. He saw all of your milestones. He knows he was loved and cherished. It is normal to keep all of his stuff together after he passed away.
One day it will be a lesser pain for you. You will always remember him. As he remembers you. You will meet him again. Remember he is happy in heaven as we speak.

You will be OK sweetie.

I almost lost my buddy Micky. He is not my doggy but I love him as if he was.

Take care.
Keep Maverick alive in your heart.

Answer 8

My heart hurts for you as you explain how you felt about your dog , we had to put our lab to sleep 2 years ago, and I still think about him every day, I smile now when I think of him, but at first I just cried and cried. It takes time to get over, it is like losing a person, you grieve for them and slowly the sadness in your heart will ease and when you think about him he will bring a smile to your face. Always remember your dog may be gone from your sight, but will remain in your heart forever. God bless.

PS-Please don't second guess yourself and the idea that you could have done something different, you did the humane and responsible, kind and caring thing that we must all do for our pets, we cannot keep a pet with us just because we want to when it is their time to cross over Rainbow Bridge.

I have my dogs ashes in the Living Room right next to his picture and I still have his collar. It took me one full year before I would take his collar of the bedpost of our bed.

Answer 9

I am so very sorry for your loss. Sometimes I think it's worse to lose a pet than it is to lose another human, because pets, dogs especially, give us unconditional love and loyalty. But lose the guilt. Don't pack that around, because you don't need to. You did the best thing - the right thing. Your reaction is exactly what it should by - your reaction. Everyone of us is different.
You are not supposed to DO anything. Just remember him with love. Cry when you have to. God bless and heal your heart.

Answer 10

I lost my dober-girl on 9/12/06 and she was just 10 1/2. She never met a stranger! Her passing has been very difficult, she went everywhere with me.

We are fortunate enough to have 2 of her daughters with us, and both are pretty close to being a mirror image of their momma.

Because she loved to ride, her collar is on my rear view mirror.

The only thing that keeps me from being a total basket case about losing her is the fond memories and all the joy she brought me and my children. She is missed all the time, but we know she is in good hands, pain free and waiting on the other side of the "Rainbow Bridge".

I have Jasmine's ashes and her collar. Dogs are a very big part of our lives, your reaction completely understandable and yes, normal.
Cry, throw pillows.........you'll always miss him, just always remember the joy he brought to your life.