Need some advice (serious question)?

Question

Ok, here's the deal for the longest time in my life, I was a cheater in alot of my realtionships. Now that am a little older I have decided that not the path I desire to take anymore with my life. which seems like a good thing right?? Well heres my problem I have become a really jealous person now. I dont want to do this either as I have ruined 3 relationships with some very nice people. Well now I have meet the woman that I want to marry but I continue to be a jealous person. I think it comes from all the years that i was unfaithful. You know if you cant trust yourself who can you trust. has anybody been through this and made it out the other side??? Please help.. No joke replies as they are a watse of my and your time. Thanks

Answer 1

They always say when you doing dirt the past will always come back to haunt you. It is that conscience of yours that's remembering all the hearts you probably broke, and the woman you played around on. It's got you thinking that everybody must be this way. You cannot however project your mentality and way of doing things onto another person. Remember you made a choice to change and do the right thing, so you should of all people should believe that change is possible. We all make mistakes, but don't run this woman, you think you want to marry, away. Your mind is playing tricks on you about the shady behavior you exhibited in the past. Ever heard what goes around comes around? Look to the future, you are a changed man, who no longer cheats, Right? So try not to let your mind wander back to those days. Stop worrying so much about someone trying to run some kinda game on you, that you drive them away. Just because you did it for so long and "got away with it" doesn't mean everybody thinks that way or evens wants to do that. It's about trust, in yourself and your partner, that the person you are involved with is not a player like you used to be. Besides it's no need for jealousy, if you taking care of your woman, and treating her the way she should be treated, you probably have nothing to worry about. Think about it: why did those woman you were creeping around with choose you? Probably because the men they had at home were not taking care of business. The moral to the story always at least try to treat people the way you want to be treated. When you was running around on them woman you thought you were" getting away with it", and were being very careless with their feelings, but look at you now all these years later you still dealing with it. Unable to trust a woman. On the flip side though, it takes a strong man or woman to admit his cheating ways or any faults they may have, and turn away from them, good for you too, especially with everything out here today to catch. Stop stressing the woman with the jealous stuff, it might be cute at first, but nobody wants a jealous man. Makes people nervous to be around you, because a jealous person is unpredictable, that's why they was running from you. Too many crazy people in this world, nobody trying to become a statistic, so chill, put the past behind you. All the best.

Answer 2

Sometimes our past can haunt us. It makes perfect sense that if YOU spent alot of your life being deceitful and cheating on your woman that you would now be distrustful of your partner. You see things from a different point of view. If she says she is going to the store....you hear, I am meeting up with someone else - because you played those games yourself. It will take time, but you can change your way of thinking. Know that just because you messed around doesn't mean that SHE IS. Don't think..."what did I use to do is this situation", think......."what kind of person is she really, and would she really do what I am thinking she is" Take a deep breath....take 10 deep breaths.....and talk to yourself inside your head. Ask yourself if you really LOVE the person you are with, and if she is worth the chance 0you are willing to take of being hurt one day . That day may come, but it also might be the best thing that ever happened to you. I think you need to do some deep thinking. Tell your partner that is YOUR issue, not HERS. Ask her to reassure you and help you conquer your FEAR. Because really that is what it is ....the FEAR of being hurt. Good luck, I will say a prayer for you.

Answer 3

well you are in quite the pickle i must say....
im a jealous person as well so i know what you mean, it just pushes them away and you dont want to lose her.
my jealousy tho doesnt come from being unfaithful, it was caused by being betrayed and lied to and cheated on.
so it is definately very hard for me to trust someone, but im working on it.
you just have to number one tell your partner how you feel, trust is one of the most important things ina relationship. explain to her that you want to improve, she should understand if she cares about you.
next is that you have to really try, sit down and get it in your head that if you really want this to work, that you have to let go of your trust issues.
in your mind think of what is more important. losing someone you care about over nothing or being able to work through your problems and have a healthy relationship.
hope i could help a little bit
good luck

Answer 4

Your eagerness to want to change your sinful ways is a great start. The only thing you can do is continue on with your relationship as it is going now and if your jealousy becomes an issue then talk about it with your woman. If you find yourself unable to stop your cheating ways the only fair thing to do is to let her know and end the relationship immediately, if only temporarily until you can trust yourself.

Answer 5

You might consider talking this over with a therapist. Cheating and jealousy are both more or less the same low self-esteem issues.

Answer 6

its like this/ you cant FIND what you are looking for until you know WHAT you are looking for. it sounds to me like you are still struggling with your attitude change/ you may need to take more time to find out more abt the "new" you before you undertake marriage

good luck and smile big

Answer 7

i havent been thru this... so i cant really help... i just thot i might mention, ur doin the right thing, even if it seems hard.... ur on ur way to becoming one of us nice guyz... and ur gonna finish last every now and then

Answer 8

KARMA KARMA KARMA. But, all you can do is try to overvome that. It isn't too hard, communication is a wonderful thing.