I'm full of flu and feeling sorry for myself, any funny stories to help cheer me up ?

Question

can anyone out there help me smile by telling me the most embarrasing thing that has ever happened to u ? most people have done something in their past that still makes them cringe when they think about it... i will start with one of mine...... a few years ago i was talking to a guy who i had a HUGE crush on.... we were talking about decorating (god knows why, i can't remember), when i came out with the classic ' i always use durex paint'...... what i MEANT to say was 'dulux paint'..... durex is a brand of condoms............ lol..... no prizes for guessing what i was thinking about.... there are several other shameful moments in my life - skirt tucked into knickers, falling down a huge flight of stairs in a nightclub, being terribly sick all over a strangers kitchen during a new year's eve party...... so - i have shared my f*ck-ups with u, what's the worst u have done ???

Answer 1

Hope you feel better soon K.
We had our cat "oscar", for a long time but old age crept up on it and we sadly had to have Oscar put to sleep. Everybody was really upset so i said i would bury the cat as soon as we got home, it was a dark cold wintry night. When i got up the next day my partner was looking out of the window crying her eyes out and calling me everything. As i looked out of the window i cringed, i had not buried the cat deep enough in the dark and its tail was sticking out of the ground as rigid as a stick with a Robin sat on top, embarrassing or what.

Answer 2

Cannot think of much, so heres a joke to cheer you up

TWENTY POUNDS

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her
new husband and asked for £20.00 for their first
lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her
husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made
love, for more than 30 years!, with him thinking that
it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and
other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was
surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.
During the next few minutes, he explained that his
employer was going through a process of corporate
downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely
that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another
position that paid anywhere near what
he'd been earning, and, therefore, they were
financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which
showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and
interest totaling nearly £1 million. Then she
showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank
which were worth over £2 million, and informed him
that they were one of the largest depositors in the
bank.

She explained that for the more than three decades she
had "charged" him for sex, these holdings had
multiplied and these were the results of her savings
and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth
over £3 million, her husband was so astounded he could
barely speak, but finally he found his voice and
blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were doing,
I would have given you ALL my business!"

That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don't know when
to keep their mouths shut!

Answer 3

I used to have a boss that was unbearable. One day, a friend took me to lunch so I could vent a little. I explained in every possible detail what an a-hole my boss was, how much of an idiot he was, and how he deserved to spend the rest of his life working for someone just like him. When we asked for the check, the waiter said that our bill had been covered by the party in the next booth. When we went over to thank them - you guessed it - my boss was sitting there.

Answer 4

I wakened making waiting for college and that i regarded for breakfast. I took out leftover rooster. when I observed the range clock I observed it replaced into basically 5 AM as i will have taken 3 extra hours of sleep. So I stayed up and ate extra of the rooster, and this super bowl of cereal (I oftentimes do no longer consume an astounding sort of breakfast and wait till lunch) the bus got here and as i replaced into driving it my abdomen began to gurgle. i attempted to forget approximately, yet human beings next to me could hear it. I went to type and the gurgling stopped. some classes later it began lower back. This time it got here with a present. It replaced into 6th era. I asked her thrice to bypass to the bathing room. She advised me if I asked lower back i'd bypass to the place of work. I felt heat leak out my rear end, accompanied by potential of gas. I ran to the door, yet i replaced into too previous due. Diarrhea rushed out my azz, to approximately 8 gallons. It replaced into like a tsunami protecting certainly everyone's property. Chunks of foodstuff floated in it. i began out to then VOMIT! certainly everyone screamed and leap on the tables to keep away from it. memory burned into my techniques.

Answer 5

An Irishman goes to the Doctor with bottom problems. "Dactor, it's me harse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot".

So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. "Incredible" he says, "there is a $20 note lodged up here."

Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a $10 note appears. "This is amazing!" exclaims the Doctor. "What do you want me to do?

"Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man!" shrieks the patient. The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and another and another, etc.

Finally the last note comes out and no more appear. "Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter, how moch is dare den?"

The Doctor counts the pile of cash. " $1,990 exactly." "Ah, dat'd be roit", says the Irishman "I knew I wasn't feeling two grand."

Answer 6

Junior year in High School.

First break time, took a pal to another pals home who was missing from school that day. Found them all hanging out (My pal, his little brother and his sister) Decided I was going to stay and drink with them, other pal I took with me was a wuss and wanted to go back to school. So I drove him back, then headed to the market to get some liquor.

Went back to the house, started drinking. By the the time my memory fades, I was drinking from a 8 oz glass tequila like it was water. I remember playing Hacki-Sack (sp?) for a little bit. I remember waking up twice and puking, once on the balcony, and once on the carpet next to a couch.

I remember two other pals asking me repeatedly if I was ok.

Sobered up enough to stay awake finally, and my friend who lived at the house drove me and my car back to my house, he took his skateboard to get back home. I loved on a hill and had to park at the bottom. On my long walk up, the tennis court lights were on, my mom and three of her friends were playing tennis at about 10pm... I snuck past, got in and crashed. Had a hangover through lunch the next day, still hit 3 home runs on P.E. softball in 1st period.

Answer 7

lol!!!....that made me laugh...i can just imagine da look on the fellas face lol...ammm 1 embarassing mom for me was the day we where in a lecture theatre...and the mate beside me was talking but a couldn't hear the man....and the place was soooo loud because of some show that was being showing...and he said something...cant mind what...and i shouted "**** off man"...an just before i said it the whole place went completely silent and there i was in the middle of a lecture theatre filled with laughing students....i felt sooo embaressed!!!....but it was a good laugh you knw!...hope it cheered you up...;)

Answer 8

I was in a pool, and I was swimming next to someone who had i had a very big crush on... And suddenly, my friend, as a joke pulled the top string of my bikini so that it opened, and my whole class saw me half naked, and this was in 9th grade, when i actually had breasts...
gosh..

Answer 9

me and my frends were skinny dipping in the middle of the night on the beach, when we got home we had to climb into the window becuz my parents thought we were asleep in our beds(ya rite) and then as we climbed in the window the alarm went off..basically every1 in the neighbourhood woke up..the POLICE arrived and we were standing there trying to cover up..few minutes later we had to explain to my parents and the police what the f*ck we had been doing..hahahahaha.....major CRINGE!!

Answer 10

I know a joke.....so my most embarrassing moment was dancing with my bf and he accidently ripped my dress in front of like 60 teens at a dance! oh yeah click on my avatar and go to my profile and click on my questions and find " what is your most embarrassing moment?" and one of mine is below. its very funny.