What's a good example of a Christian joke? I've never heard one....?

Question

And before you Christians start bashing me, take a look at this question, and the answers:

http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AnoQ1JyfXyrWpKZkX3n4cWiKBgx.?qid=20061110112408AAOdbRn

We regulars know who the Christians here are.

Wow, a good-natured bunch here. I'm sorry for sounding like a jerk. I feel like such a heel now.....

Answer 1

A man dies and goes to hell, and the devil says, it's not too bad down here, you might like it, we have a different theme for every day of the week--do you like to drink? The guy says "yeah, I love to drink" satan says "good,because mondays all we do is drink, do you like to get high?" he says yeah, who doesnt?" and the devil says "great thats all we do on tuesdays, drugs galore and you never OD because you're already dead! are you gay?" He says," No, I'm not gay." satan says" Oh bummer, then wednesday is not gonna be your day............."

Answer 2

Atheist meets his maker?

One day an atheist is walking through a forest looking at all the wonderful things that evolution has created. The next thing he knows there is a bear chasing him and he is running for dear life.

He trips on a rock and falls over with the bear getting closer every second. As the bear is about to maul him with its huge paws the athiest shouts "OH GOD" ]

Everything freezes and a burning bush appears. There is a voice from the bush, deep and powerful. " all these years you have denied me now you accept I exist when you are about to die? Oh well as I am a forgiving god I will save you"

The Atheist replies " That would make me a hipocrite thank you god but how about you make the bear a believer instead?"

"done"

With that the bush was gone time continued and the bear put it's paws together and said "for what I am about to recieve may the lord make me truly grateful"

Answer 3

The Bible and All it Contains

A young man once received a letter from a lawyer stating that his grandmother had left him an inheritance. To his astonishment, it was $50,000 plus “my Bible and all it contains.”

The youth was delighted to receive the money. However, he knew what the Bible contained, and because he wasn’t into religion he didn’t bother to open it. Instead, he put it on a high shelf. He gambled the $50,000, and over the next fifty years he lived as a pauper, scraping for every meal. Finally he became so destitute, he had to move in with his relatives. When he cleaned out his room, he reached up to get the dusty old Bible from the shelf. As he took it down, his trembling hands dropped it onto the floor, flinging it open to reveal a $100 bill between every page.

The man had lived as a pauper, simply because of his prejudice. He thought he knew what the Bible “contained.”

Answer 4

I will tell jokes from my Christian days. What is the difference between a Baptist and a Methodist? What a Methodist calls fellowship a Baptist calls sin.

Another--A Methodist went to Heaven and was being shown around by St Peter. As they passed a group of white robe clad people St Peter tiptoed and whispered to the Methodist, "SHHH...these are the Baptists and they think they are the only ones here, so be very quiet."

Answer 5

Guy dies and goes to heaven and he is getting the 2 penny tour. The guide says, "See that hill over there, that's where the protestants are and the valley down there is where the Jews are and that olive grove on the hill over there are where the Muslims are." The guy looks behind him and sees a wall that rises hundreds of feet in the air and extends to both horizons and asks what is behind the wall. The guide says, You must NEVER go over the wall, it is not permitted." He asks, "Why Not" the guide replies, "Because that is where the Catholics are. They think they are the only ones here."

Answer 6

A woman from Los Angeles, who was a tree hugger and an anti-hunter,
purchased a piece of timberland. There was a large tree on one of the
highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural
splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree.

As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In
her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got
many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to the
nearest doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist and an
anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened
to her story with great patience and then told her to go into the
examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited
three hours before the doctor reappeared.

The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"

He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the
Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area. I'm sorry, but they turned me down."

Answer 7

Couldn't let ya down...

Jesus came upon a small crowd who had surrounded a young woman they believed to be an adulteress. They were preparing to stone her to death.

To calm the situation, Jesus said: "Whoever is without sin among you, let them cast the first stone."

Suddenly, an old lady at the back of the crowd picked up a huge rock and lobbed it at the young woman, scoring a direct hit on her head. The unfortunate young lady collapsed dead on the spot.

Jesus looked over towards the old lady and said: "Do you know, Mother, sometimes you really piss me off."

Answer 8

How about this one?

http://home.capecod.net/~tpanitz/ejoke/j9.html

Or...

Jesus made his usual rounds in heaven when he noticed a wizened, white-haired old man sitting in a corner looking very disconsolate. The next week he was disturbed to come across him again, looking equally miserable, and a week later he stopped to talk to him.

"See here, old fellow," said Jesus kindly, "this is heaven. The sun is shining, you've got all you could want to eat, all the instruments you might want to play-- you're supposed to be blissfully happy! What's wrong?

"Well," said the old man, "you see, I was a carpenter on earth, and lost my only, dearly beloved son at an early age. The last I saw of him was when people were jeering the holes in his hands and sides as he was tied to that bit of wood. And here in heaven I was hoping more than anything to find him."

"Tears sprang from Jesus' eyes. "FATHER!" he cried.

The old man jumped to his feet, bursting into tears, and sobbed, "PINOCCHIO!"

Answer 9

Memo.........
I am God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. It will be addressed in My time, not yours. Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it.

If you find yourself stuck in traffic; Don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.

Should you have a bad day at work; Think of the man who has been out of work for years.

Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; Think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; Think of the man in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed his children.

Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; Think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.

Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; Think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.

Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.

Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; Remember, things could be worse. You could be them!!!!

Answer 10

My favorite is about the priest, the minister, and the rabbi who went fishing in a rowboat. After awhile, the priest said that he needed to get some more bait, and then got up and walked across the water to shore, where he picked up the bait, then returned to the boat the way he had come.
After a minute or so, the rabbi looked up, said that he wanted to go back for his lunch. Then he got up and walked across the water to shore, where he picked up his lunch before walking back to the boat.
The minister saw all of this and said to himself, 'surely I have as much faith as these two! I'm going to go out and walk on water too!' He then said, "I... um...I've got to use the restroom. I'll be right back." He then stepped out of the boat and splashed into the water. As he struggled back into the boat, the priest said to the rabbi, "Do you think we should tell him about the stepping stones?"

Answer 11

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.

Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Stan, the Wal-Mart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse