I am a single woman (26) with two kids (1,3). Guys don't ask for a second date after I tell them I have two kids. That is so shallow. Some guys will say they don't have a problem with it, but no longer want a relationship. Then, they push to have sex with me. Guys are jerks. I don't think I'll ever get married, or have just a relationship ever again. I'll never meet a guy who doesn't have a problem with dating a woman that has two kids, and possibly wanting a real relationship.
2006-11-10 07:11:43 · 10 answers · asked by Kat206 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
yeah well i don't agree with the one guy that said to start a family first... he is stupid... because he must not realize there are some of us that get married and are married for a long time then you get divorced... duh you are then a single mom again with two kids... I have dated alot of men and had the same problem... but I know there is a great guy around the corner that is willing to become part of your family... *you just have to understand that most men if have no kids want kids of "their own" so just be upfront and ask before even dating...*no sense in wasting your time and theirs... :)
2006-11-10 07:25:18 · answer #1 · answered by mandw1005 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Relationships can be difficult to build. Remember you're asking the guy to build a simulatneous relationship with at least three people. (Four or five if the father(s) are still involved in their kids' lives.)That's a pretty tall order.
Aside from the sociological, and some may argue biological, issue of raising another man's offspring, there's the financial issue. If the relationship progresses to marriage, the guy suddenly has a family of four that he has to help provide for.
Also, what if he wants children? He may fear that you won't want anymore. A first date is a bit early to ask those questions so he may just take the safe way out.
Finally, (and I don't want to appear cruel) maybe your kids have less to do with it than you think. A date, especially a first date, is a time to just scope out the other party. Not all first dates lead to relationships or even second dates.
I imagine dating is difficult for a single mother. Try making the first date just you and him. Remember, you're just out for a little adult companionship. I'm not suggesting you lie about having kids but don't make it the main topic of conversation. Talk about yourself; talk about him. Leave the kids out of it for the first date. There's plenty of time to talk about the kids later IF you and he click at all. The right guy is out there but he needs to fall in love with YOU first.
2006-11-10 08:06:27 · answer #2 · answered by SA Writer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being a guy, I can tell you that most guys (especially in their 20s) are really scared because if they don't have kids of their own, it's probably because they still view THEMSELVES as kids. They are still trying to figure themselves out before they can "settle down"--believe me, I fully admit to this myself. Kids are a very big responsibility, which I'm positive you already know. They aren't ready to take on that kind of responsibility and panic. It's nothing wrong with you, it's just the stage in life where most people are.
On the other hand and positive side, there ARE guys out there who would be extremely happy to help you and your kids. You just have to find one who is on the same level as you. Don't give up and just keep looking :)
2006-11-10 07:28:35 · answer #3 · answered by Tgrman80 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is difficult to raise kids, especially when they are not your own. I know many people who are in relationships with others who have children. It is not impossible, only harder to find someone. In your situation you should focus on developing friendships with men you like and let it go from there. It is not necessarily shallow for a man not to want the responsibility of raising someone else's children. On a first date he does not know much about you, but he does know that he is not interested in children. Give it time you are young, and your children need you.
2006-11-10 07:24:01 · answer #4 · answered by ecp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust me, there's a guy out there who are going to love you and your kids.
I found one who fell in love with me and my (then 5 year old) daughter. I made sure he knew it was a package deal. He told me that he loved us both and wanted us to be a family. We have been married for 7 years now and that daughter is now 12. We also have a 5 year old together.
I love him with all my heart, and let me tell you, there IS someone out there like that for you. I truly believe it!
Good luck!
2006-11-10 07:16:46 · answer #5 · answered by Cindy S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Because single guys are scared that they are gonna have to step up and take care of your kids. You should think about finding a guy who has a child and i bet it would be alot easier for you.
2006-11-10 07:16:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
They probably automatically think you are looking for a new daddy. Shallow, I know.
2006-11-10 07:14:56 · answer #7 · answered by JC 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
See, this is why it's a good idea to get married FIRST and THEN have kids. And you thought people who did things the old-fashioned way were stupid.
2006-11-10 07:15:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 2⤋
mayb they would like a fresh family or dont want to start a relationship with kids that r not theres? or mayb u r minging??
2006-11-10 07:15:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋