Is there any way to avoid falling in love with someone when you know that you're almost getting there. You keep thinking about someone, you can't live without them..... I don't want to fall in love.
2006-11-10 05:27:34 · 16 answers · asked by Razor 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The obvious answer would be to avoid her. But that's not so easy. I am trying but it's bloody tough.
2006-11-10 05:30:03 · update #1
Hi Maddy, you may say that due to my just getting married I have rose colored glasses on and would not be a good choice in giving advice on "not falling in love". Well, I suppose in some cases that may be true, but I am not really wishing to advice you to not fall in love. Maddy, love is a gift, love makes life so much sweeter. Love is a very fagile entity, not that it comes and goes easily, just that it is delicate, and needs nurishing and care in order to flurish. Sorry about my spelling! ;-)
Maddy, why not allow yourself to love and be loved in return? I was a widow for over ten years and had sincerely believed I would remain a widow the rest of my life. I was content, even peacefull within myself, and was prepared to just continue my life alone, with my children and someday my grandchildren around me. I lived in Northern CA, in a very small town, for the last thirty five years. My children (all eight of them) where raised in the same home, they went to school in the same district, have long time friends and are settling down in this town now as young adults, except for two who moved to Utah, and Nevada for job reasons. I never, in a million years expected to be where I am today.
Maddy, I know how to live alone, to be secure in my own patterns and routines, to be comfortable in all thes things. I had my extended family all there too, and all the friends I have made over the course of my life. I got saw my daughter online with one of those dating sites and was appalled she would take such "risks". I took her to task and she explained to me, during the course of several days, how much safer using the internet can actually be than meeting somebody in town at the park during one of our summer "concet in the park" series, or at the local store, or the many other myriad places a small town or even larger town has. She explained how safe it is and I began to see she was correct, as long as it was used in a safe manner with precautions. I saw that you could actually get to know people in a manner which put friendship first, communication first, and romance later. I realized that it was possible to expand ones life, by increasing friendship by the net. I never intended to get into a romance, just meet some nice men, have dinner, go to the movies and if something happened great, if not I was just fine with that as well. In fact, I was more than fine with that, I expected nothing less, really. I was and still am committed to my children and their well being, yet they are growing up and away and I am still in the same place. My children wanted my happiness as I wanted, and want theirs.
I put on my profile I was willing to meet people within a two hundred and fifty mile radius, and never thought for one moment I would ever actually seriously date any man, let alone one over two hundred miles from my home town. I did meet a lot of very nice men, and I had a lot of fun with them. We shared a lot of great conversation, had a lot of laughts but none of them sparked any real romantic feelings within me, which I was not surprised about.
One night Maddy, while chatting online a man popped into my window on a different chat window and said "hello, my name is Danny, how are you tonight"? That night we "spoke" together for over five hours and it seemed only an hour at the most. When we were finished I was so surprised how much time had passed and what a great time I had had talking with him about this and that, just about everything. I wanted to see who he was and to my surprise I discovered he was far from two hundred and fifty miles within my area. He was in a completely different state Maddy. I still had such a great conversation, as did he, we both sent each ohter an e-mail (through our programs) for each other when we awoke the next morning. He woke up only two hours after we finished chatting as he gets up at four am for work!
I sincerelly believed he and I would develop a long distance friendship and nothing more or less than that. I had no intention of leaving this area, and I certainly did not expect to 'fall in love' and move far away from my children, my family, my friends and all that was so familiar for me. However, as the months passed and we began to realize we had something that could be very special, he began to speak of meeting and how it was good we were so far apart as it forced us to take things slowly and to not rush anything. This alarmed me, not the possible meeting, but the idea Danny was thinking in terms of a romantic relationship. Not that I was not realizing I could easily fall in love with this man, as those feelings were already arising on their own, but the idea he would consider it even a possibility our being able to have more than a long distance friendship.
One of the things which stood out right away was how willing this man was for me to feel as safe as I needed to feel, for me to take the lead in any additional forms of communication, or my being the one to suggest we exchange our 'real" names and e-mail addresses in order to send our ever growing letters to each other, then to exchange phone numbers, etc. He was and is a gentleman of the first order and he treated me always as a lady, and never pushed me faster than I was willing to go. He always let me take the lead and allowed a feeling of respect and safety no other man had provided me with.
Maddy, life is for living, and living is for happiness. Life is hard, difficult at best,, and if happiness if a possibility, then grab it with both hands and run with it. Life is full of hurt, but without really being willign to accept the possible hurt, we truly are unable to grasp real happiness. Maddy, Danny brought back joy to my life. I had not felt joy, real joy, since the death of my first born son, my first born child, to cancer when he was two years old. When I realize that I was feeling joy when we talked when we shared one another, I began to realize that I simply could not spend the rest of my life regretting not reaching out and grasping happiness when life offered it to me, and Danny felt the same thing as I did.
Maddy, I took a huge leap of faith in Danny and moved out of my comfort zone and left the life I knew for the past thirtyfive years. I took that leap of faith, left my young adult children, my extended family, my lifetime friends, all that was familiar for me and moved to be with this man. As you know we just were married and I have not felt this level of happiness my entire life. I took this risk and it paid off for us in spades, for the both of us. I only regrett my children are far away were I am unable to see them every day or every other day as I once was able to do. They are wonderful and wanted my happiness and knew I had passed up many opportunities during their childhoods to be with a man, to seek company and companionship. I simply did not want to make a mistake in who I brought into their young lives. They encouraged me to do this and were here for our wedding in support of us.
Maddy, if you have the opportunity for love, please do not let it pass you by. LIfe is too short by far to do so. Yes, love is a risk, but so is life in general, and what do you really have to lose? Could you be hurt, sure you could be, but Maddy, a few years of hurt is worth a lot of potential happiness. Even if things go wrong, I am happy today, and that happiness is more valuable than all the gold in the world. Will there be hard times, sure, but if two people always put each other first, their needs always are met, and when you do this and are sincerelly for the happiness of the ohter, then communication is simple. Communiction is key to a healthy, happy, sound, long term relationship. People are consistantly saying "fifty percent of all marriages in the U.S wind up in divorce", and is this true? sure it is, but Maddy, that leaves the other fifty percent which does not end up in divorce, but which survives the years growing ever richer and deeper. My worst fear? Losing Danny to death, as I lost my first husband over twelve years ago. But I had happiness with my first husband too, and I would not give up those years just to excape the pain of grief. Life is for living and love is a gift, to be cherished and held gently in your hand. When you love and are loved back, there is nothing more precious in this world. Men and Women are meant to be together, not to spend their lives in fear alone. Life is so much sweeter, so much more vibrant with somebody who loves you beside you to share the joy, happiness, sadness, griefs and tragedies life brings.
Maddy, if you have a chance at real love, then I ask you what do you really have to lose in grasping for it, in taking that leap of faith? I only ask you to be sure of this person, to know that you are compatable, that you have open communication and honesty and trust. If there are any red flags, and I mean stability wise, then please do hesitate. That is good to be sure, but please don't look for negitives out of concern of being hurt. Hurt if a part of life, the same as joy and love is. We are unable to have one without the other, would be unable to appreciate the joy, the happiness when it came our way, if we did not also understand hurt, deep soul searing hurt.
Love is a gift Maddy, and if you have an opportunity for this, please do not shy away and hide from it. Live life to its fullest and find joy for yourself and the person you are loving. I will not try to talk you out of the opportunity of love. It is too much a gift, to rare to do so, I would be doing you a diservice.
Take care and I wish you the very best life has to offer. Blessed Be, Madddy,
Serenity
2006-11-13 07:34:06 · answer #1 · answered by Serenity 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
for a man to stay away it would be tough because they have testosterone and first they think sex and then later they think with emotions and intelligence. So it's not really falling in love you're talking about as it's a kind of fantasy, and probably even a need. You could just as well get out an old girlie magazine and feel the same way.
When you say you can't live without them, well iti s difficult. Have you pursued just what finding the right person would be like? Know that to find the right one you'd try out several and determine if there are any deal breakers, if so then move on to the next.
Your body is saying go for it so figure out why you don't want to fall in love. So sure, one way would be to avoid them.
2015-12-16 04:13:48 · answer #2 · answered by sophieb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi I am Dr. Phil, I would like to tell you that love is a very complicated relation, you should fall in love with that person if they think the same thing about you. You cannot fall in love if you do not want to, if you stay away from the person, you will miss them and realize that you love and cannot live without them. It is all about your heart, if your heart wants her then you cannot do anything, but if you do not really love her then the feeling you have will stop.
2006-11-10 05:34:11 · answer #3 · answered by The Calculus Alchemist 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
What are you so scared of have you been hurt before? Maybe you should just open up and let someone in your heart. If you think your falling in love then it must be a good person or you wouldnt feel that way, right. Take your time but dont close your heart and mind to love.
2006-11-10 05:32:48 · answer #4 · answered by Tiinnisha Z 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Try and distance yourself a little..i know its hard when u like someone but if you dont wanna fall in love your going to have too.Also it depends how long you've known them or been dating??But if you dont fall back a little you WILL end up in love without even realizing it..which in some cases is not a bad thing depending on the person
2006-11-10 05:32:54 · answer #5 · answered by ccrazeegyrl 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hello
How Not To Fall In Love?? Hmmm that is a really good question!
Personal i dont' think that is possible. You can help who you love.
You don't decide your heart dose.
So fallow your heart!
Best of luck
2006-11-10 05:30:18 · answer #6 · answered by heather_honey_2002hs 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Only one way. Once, in Australia on tour, I almost fell in love, but knew it was wrong. I told my best friends. They got me drunk and "kidnapped" me until I got over it. Extreme? Sort of, but it worked. Otherwise, in my book, you are doomed. Go for it.
2006-11-10 05:30:46 · answer #7 · answered by Isis 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't stop love, it will happen whether you like it or not, and the more you try and force it away, the more it will weigh on your mind.
2006-11-10 05:30:48 · answer #8 · answered by noambition 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
if u r falling in love its tough really.
2006-11-10 05:29:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you already are in love and you're just trying to deny it.
2006-11-10 05:29:55 · answer #10 · answered by Phaylynn 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You can't fight love. You could stop seeing them and keep yourself busy. That would prolly make your feelings become less intense.
2006-11-10 05:41:43 · answer #11 · answered by baby 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋