Do you ever question who you are & what you stand for?

Question

Do you ever question your beliefs? Do people ever tell you that you are judgemental, but you see it as simply trying to help people make wise choices & better themselves? Do you have a lot of people that you are actually close friends with but whose words and/or actions are against everything you feel to be morally right? I was just put in a very uncomfortable situation last night and I felt so out of place. A man told me to my face that he basically really 'hates' me because some of the things I said to him were very judgemental and I was butting into his life & his choices. But in my mind/heart I was only saying things to lift him up, to try to make him a better person and to help him change his life becuase I care about him. ( he does coke and I made some statement about what kind of people are who do that and what it turns them into)...yes my words were pretty harsh, but i have very strong opinions about that because I've experiened it in my family/friends. Was i wrong?

Answer 1

You weren't wrong, and you weren't right.

Here's the deal: With people who are deliberately leading lifestyles that are directly opposed to the will of God, you can carry the message to them that God can and will change their lives if they ask him. If the people want to know more, you can tell them. If they ask you to butt out, you need to butt out.

It is one thing to try to help someone. It is another to offer unsolicited advice. People who are not looking for solutions to their lives are not soliciting your help, at all, and so most times any efforts to help them fail and end up making the people resentful.

It is a process and a discipline learning how and when to help, and how and when to butt out.

While your judgments about this man may indeed be accurate, you may not be helping him by sharing your judgments. This is because when people feel judged, they tend to "hate" the one who passes the judgment. People have many defensive mechanisms in place, in general, and so instead of assessing their own lives to see if what you're saying is right, they end up assessing YOUR life and deciding that you're wrong. It is a common defense mechanism. Nothing personal. But someone who wants to defend a Godless lifestyle of coke snorting isn't generally very open to being told that his path is a dangerous and immoral one.

And when it comes down to it, everybody has choices. He is allowed to throw his life in the toilet, if he so desires. Your desire that he not throw his life in the toilet will most likely be of no use unless he comes to you seeking your aid. Until then, he won't be willing to listen to what you have to say.

There are choices that you have, too. This is where you open the door into the room of hard stuff. For example, not only is what this man doing immoral, but it's illegal. If you're around it, you're part of the problem. You may need to disengage completely. And you could also consider alerting the law to this particular lawbreaker. Or not. It's up to you.

And the bottom-line, most important thing I want to say is that if your own relationship with God is right, all the answers will become clear to you. You will learn who to try to reach and who to leave be. You will learn how to work on your own spiritual development so that you don't go around passing judgment on people's souls. You will retain the ability to discern--that is, judge their actions and see the consequences of such actions in their lives--but you won't approach them in judgment but in compassion. Moreover, God will teach you who you really are and what you really stand for--not who you think you are and not what you fancy yourself to stand for.

I would recommend if you don't have a living relationship with God that you seek him.

Answer 2

I have some friends who do the same, and although it is hard to tell them, I have to admit I usually turn the other way. It's not that I don't want to help them, it's that I believe they can't be helped. I have friends who have done coke but then eventually gave it up because they realized it was wrong, but they still talk about it as if it were some lost love. It's sad, but the point is, you have to let people change their own beliefs. Maybe I can change my beliefs by realizing that I can help them out, or maybe you can find more ways to help them out.

In my experience, with drugs, I find it is a lot easier to express my opinions on the drug and leave everyone else's judgment out. If someone asks me to smoke pot, I'll say, "it makes me lazy and hungry." and if someone wants me to do blow, I'll say, "yeah, if you're buying," just kidding, I'd really say, "that stuff makes me hyper, so unless you want me pacing back and forth around this room, count me out."

I find that judging other people is a no-no, but you have every right to judge yourself, just as long as you do it in a way that doesn't make it seem like you are just "rubbing" off your good morals onto others.

People are sensitive so take that into consideration. But I enjoyed the question and hope you can show your friends how much you really care.

Answer 3

That's a lot of questions. I'll try to answer as many of them as possible...

I no longer question my beliefs. I used to, when I was a Christian - possibly because believing in something you know with every cognitive portion of your brain to be a made up fairy tale, like Santa Claus, leads you down the path of questioning. This is known as "cognitive dissonance", and it led me to atheism - which I am so incredibly happy for. I realized that god is not existant on this planet, and if there even was a god, I wouldn't care.

People no longer call me judgemental - I was called judgemental when I was a Christian a few times though. I think it's part and parcel of 'the only way to heaven is through me' garbage. You tend to think you have the afterlife in your posession and everyone else is just wrong. The trouble is, you're not right either. You're all wrong.

People don't like it when you butt into their life choices. At all. For instance, if you criticized me for having pre-marital sex, I'd tell you to go take a flying leap off a cliff. I don't believe that there is anything wrong with pre-marital sex at all - I imagine you probably have a different opinion. That does not give you the right to share your opinion with me on the topic however, especially if I don't ask for it.

Stay out of people's life choices - they're trying to find their own way too. Now, if they come to YOU for help, that's an entirely different story.

Answer 4

Friend, If you felt God telling you to talk to this person, then NO, you were Not wrong, But sometimes we have a zeal that pushes us to do something, , You will find out as you grow in God, You will know when, What, & how to say something, I have been serving God over 36 yrs., You are not judgemental, You are only telling the truth, I don't know how long you have been a Christian, But aways make sure your life meaures up to that of what you are trying to portray, Because we are the only bible some people will read. Don't let people upset you.

Answer 5

I understand wanting to get through to somebody in a situation like this. When you choose harsh words and judgement though, it'll likely fall on deaf ears.

People with addictions and bad habits need to know they have support to get clean, they don't want to hear "about what kind of people are who do that and what it turns them into" I think you may have just insulted the guy and made him feel bad. If you really want to help him become a better person, then listen to him and talk to him, don't rant about what kinds of people do coke.

Answer 6

Do I question who I am? No, I am who I am by nature. I couldn't be anyone else.

Do I question my believes? Constantly, though I don't question whom I believe it. For me, my most important believes come from God. I don't question him, because who am I to question such a being. I do constantly question my beliefs. I believe that my beliefs are his beliefs. I believe that, because I copied my beliefs from him, but I could have done it wrong. There are hundreds of different types of Christians out there and not all of them can be right. If I tell someone they are wrong, when it is my opinion rather than the Word of God, I am honoring myself above God, much as the Pharisees did.

Were you wrong? Maybe, you should try to help people who need it, but with compassion. People will always hate you for doing what is right. People don't like rules, even if they are for their own good. Jesus said, that no student is greater than his master. Jesus was murdered because he taught what was right. Because we are not better than he is, we should expect to be hated for doing what is right as well. At the same time, telling people they are wrong should be done with compassion. We should help, not condemn them. How strong were your words? Only you can answer if you were right by asking yourself if his well being was your only motivation.

Then there is the issue about wrong vs. harmful. You don't have to be a Christian to believe you should help a friend avoid a harmful path. Most everyone believes that is what true friends do. As for what is wrong, you can only hold someone to standards based on faith if they share that faith. If I tell someone what they are doing is wrong because the Bible says so, but they don't believe in the Bible, why should they believe me? The Bible is meant for believers. Those who don't believe should be given love that leads to belief, not rules. Even if they follow those rules, but without faith, it will not help them.

Answer 7

if you have accepted christ as your lord and savior you shouldnt question yourself..also, some people just dont have a stronger realionship with god and they queestion things..i used to, when i was about 17, questioned if i was really saved or not..i was doing terrible things in the eyes of the lord..but, i started praying more and asking for help for the things i did and needed to refuse..i dont think its wrong to try and help people through a bad time and to help them come to christ..we are judgemental people, christian or not, and that stays w/ us..we cant help it..we let ourselves be judged and that leads to us being judgemental..just pray and keep trying..you can do your job, but if they dont want help all you can do is pray..my mom and dad went through the meth stage for 5 years..i understand what you mean by having strong opinions, you dont want them to go down a road you saw..to let him see that you are a good person and to help him, tell him you love him and that god loves him, no matter how bad he says he hates you..but, the best advice is just keep praying..youll see results, just depends on the person recieveing the message how long it takes them to respond to it.

Answer 8

I'm a human and I represent a part of the "free-will" percentage.
I know what my beliefs are, but I'm fine with change. I'm free to reconsider. I know how my decisions affect me and others; I simply encourage them to make choices, the best for them. Peple are individuals and I respect that. It's never wrong to be yourself, but it's never right to hurt yourself. I've friends who do cocaine. Done it myself, and it's not that bad. Never addictive, unless you're prone to become addicted to something. A lot of people are addicted to either being right or religion.

Answer 9

Constantly. If you don't you're living in ignorance and avoiding a potential opportunity for discovery and truth. Questioning leads to growth if it is pursued with honesty (if you question a motive with alterior motives other than truth you're not seeking growth but the predetermined end in mind).

Answer 10

I question my disbelief on a regular basis, and every time, I come to the same conclusion: I am right.

And maybe this man you're talking about will eventually value your attitude, not your harshness. Anyway, if he said that about you, that shows you hit in the nail. You're on the right track. Now let him reflect on what you said to him.