Is my bf taking advantage of me and my Mom? What should I do?

Question

I'm 33 and have lived with my Mom for 10 years. I had to drop out of college because of severe depression and emotional problems. I also have battled addiction since then. I met a guy 6 years ago and he moved in within a month with my Mom and I. We were in love and he was working and contributing a little. I have worked off and on but for the most part, my Mom has supported me. She is just a teacher so she doesn't make alot of money. My parents used to be wealthy before they split and we still live in a large home. I think my bf still thinks my Mom has money so now he doesn't pay anything! He won't even help out around the house. He eats all the food my Mom buys and is very disrespectful. I don't have any friends but him and am still very depressed. I know if I asked him to move out, I might lose him. My Mom is 67 and she is a good person and has alot on her plate dealing with me let alone my bf. My bf works but blows all his money. I don't want to be alone. Advice?

Answer 1

Why don't you both move out and support yourselves? Do you think at age 33 your Mommie still needs to support you?

Answer 2

First of all, you sound extremely co-dependant. This is definitely something you need to overcome in order to eliminate your depression. You can't look to others for fulfillment.

In regards to your BF, it sounds like both you and your mother are enabling him to take advantage of you and the situation. By him in turn taking advantage of it and given the circumstances...I would say it would be best for him to leave. If he decides that he would sever the relationship at that point, you are better off without him. Perhaps even talking to him about it first and letting him know that what he is doing isn't cool should be your starting point.

You won't make friends in this state of depression, who wants to hang out with a depressed person? Seek some counseling and break out of this funk you are in. You shouldn't be living with your mom at 33 anyway, you need to establish some indepenance. Get out of the nest and back into the world. Mom can't shelter you forever...

Answer 3

You really shouldn't do this to your mom. He sounds like a loser and I think you should get rid of him. If he was a real man, he wouldn't have moved in with you and your mom in the first place. He would have waited until marriage to live with you, and even then he would have provided a home for you and him. Don't be selfish by putting your lonliness ahead of your Mom. She won't be here forever. Show her the respect that you claim your bf doesn't, because you are the one who owes it.

Answer 4

If he doesn't change, dump him. I think you feel without him you'll be alone, so you become dependent on him. Don't let that happen especially if he being disrespectful. Go and join a church you'll meet a lot of nice people there. Also you should get some counseling for whatever it is that caused your depression. You have to find out what's causing it and fix it. You have to be happy with yourself of else relationships won't work.

Answer 5

There is a saying that "If you loan someone $20 and you never hear from them again, it was worth it." You and your mom have given much more than $20 to this guy. It is time for him to go! Have you tried talking to your mom about it to help in the decision making? She will likely support you in this.

Answer 6

i think that u need to let him go i would not put my mom though that if he loves u he will understand that u and your mom needs held he would help with no questions asked i know that hard but what r u going to do when he dose not have any cash and stays home all the time and at that point he wont be able to go cause he can afford it that is not good a guy that that needs to go and find himself

Answer 7

Honestly, you should talk to you bf and let him know what's going on with the money situation..if he still doesn't come around then kick him out and seek professional help for your depression

Answer 8

obviously he doesn't respect you or your mother. No one wants to be alone, but maybe he's the reason for your depression. I think you should tell him to help out or move out. You will be better off and so will your mother. And to answer your question...Yes he's taking advantage of the both of you!

Answer 9

I KNOW YOU DONT WANT TO LOSE HIM BUT DO YOU REALLY WANT SOMEONE WHO DISRESPECTS YOUR MOM? COME ON NOW SHE RAISED YOU AND PROTECTED YOU AND SHE TAKES YOU BACK IN AFTER YOUR GROWN TO HELP YOU OUT AND THE THANKS YOU GIVE HER IS AN EXTRA MOUTH TO FEED AND WHO DONT APPRECIATE NOTHING SHE DOES YOU SHOULD TURN HIM LOSE WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO BE INVOLVED WITH SOME ONE LIKE THAT ANY WAY YOU WILL BE SAD FOR A WHILE BUT YOULL FIND SOME ONE NEW BUT YOU CANNEVER HAVE ANOTHER MOM YOU NEED TO PROTECT HER AND NOT SOME HUY THAT CAN BE REPLACED.IF HE SEES HE CAN WALK ALL OVER YOU HE WILL DO IT THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.GOOD LUCK WITH THAT HOPE IT WORKS OUT FOR THE BEST

Answer 10

You need to bite the bullet sister and get this guy out. He has no respect for your mom.. and you need to stand up for her and kick him to the curb... You also need to get to a support group and get a life.... why would you want a man that cant support you .. is that what you think of your self??? You need to stick up for your mom ... this guy is taking advantage... and your letting him... stand up from the table .. and take charge of your life. stand up and be tall. get him out... your depression might go away. really. Is this a guy you want to be married to ... a guy that dispespects your elderly mom.... NO ... GET RID OF HIM>>>>>>> and make him pay till he leaves... YOUR killing your mom.