My mom thinks she is too young to be a grandparent?

Question

My mom is going to be 50 next month, I am married and almost 26. My wife and I are trying to have our first baby and my mom has mentioned that she is too young to be someone's grandma.

She says that she doesn't feel like she has the time to be a grandma because she likes to hang out with her friends. Now she has a new boyfriend so we rarely see her.

I don't want her to take care of my baby, I just was hoping she would be a grandma to my kid since my dad is dead. (My parents were divorced)

I am her only child so my kid will be her only grandchild. I know I can't force her to be a grandma if she doesn't want to be one, but what do I do?

Can't she live her life AND be a grandma? I don't need her help with my family, I just wanted her to be somewhat involved. Maybe visit the baby a few times a month?

She doesn't say this because she is concerned about me: she wasn't into being a mom when I was a kid because she spent a lot of time with boyfriends.

What do you think?

Answer 1

Im sorry you have to go through this,I dont know your mother, but it does seem she is being a bit unreasonable, she can still have an active social life and be a grandma, I know lots of "hip" grandmas, and they are happy being a grandmother, after you have the baby, start out slow with your mother, she might completely change after the baby is born. and if she doesn't, it will be a shame that she will miss out. good luck

Answer 2

I'm answering under my daughter's log-in (we work together and I'm covering her area while she's at lunch). Any way -- I just turned a whopping 43 years old and my granddaughter will be 2 in December -- I've been a grandmother since I was 41 -- that's quite a bit younger than your mother's "50". My husband (of 4 1/2 years) and I are thrilled to be grandparents. If your mother wasn't into the whole being a mom thing, then I hate to say it, I wouldn't hold my breath for her to act like a grandma. She sounds selfish if you ask me and it seems to me she'll probably want to be called by some non-grandma name. Families will always be messed up don't go nuts wishing for the impossible. If your mother changes she changes - you can't make her do it. Learn to accept it and, if your wife's family is decent - let them enjoy the being the "fun" grandparents.

Answer 3

You are old enough now to make this decision on your own. She's old enough to decide if she wants to do what comes naturally or fight it all the way. Grandma doesn't mean she has to board up her house, adopt 50 cats, and sit home and knit all day. And as far as her being a part of your child's life, set up appointments with her so that you can be together as a family. You can't change the stripes of a tiger, and you certainly won't be able to change her, especially if she's always been like this. Don't set yourself up for disappointment and don't build your mother up to your child. If she's willing to give a couple days a month to be with you and your family, that better than nothing. Take what she offers and be thrilled to get that much. Lots of people don't even have *that* option. : )

Answer 4

sounds like your mom doesn't want to face the fact that she's 50. No offense, I am sure she is a great lady. I was 24 when I had my son and my mother was 51. My mom loves being a grandma. Perhaps once your wife becomes pregnant and the baby is here, your mom will change her attitude. If not, I honestly would go through with you and your wifes wishes and start your family.

Answer 5

I think women are scared that the word "grandma" makes them sound old. My mom was a grandma at 44 years old. At first she didn't like the sounds of saying she was one, but now she loves my daughter more than anything. You can't force her to do anything, but I think when the little bundle of joy arrives her thoughts will change. No one can say no to a beautiful little baby and knowing that your baby will be her grandchild will melt her heart. She will get over it, my mom did.

Answer 6

i think of your mom could recover from her very own existence once you and your spouse conceive. enable's wish so, besides. it style of feels that she's being slightly selfish precise now, yet this could o.k. bypass. Is it possible that she is worried approximately you having a infant precise now? For financial motives, as an occasion? enable me inform you what occurred in my existence. My daughter is unmarried, 21, residing with a guy i do no longer extremely preserve, he does not have a role, and he or she is now pregnant. once I recieved the information i replaced into devastated. particularly i replaced into worried approximately her wellbeing and approximately how lots her existence could exchange with a infant. the baby is due in January. i could no longer be happier now. She is shifting closer to me and that i plan on babysitting each risk i'm getting, even nevertheless i'm in grad college and artwork complete time and have an adolescent at abode and a husband -- all of this takes my time, yet believe me i will make time for my granddaughter. you're mom ought to and assured will come around. If no longer, according to risk it is for the ultimate. additionally, the reality that she is spending lots time with a sparkling boyfriends means that she has some esteem or emotional themes she desires to choose for. according to risk the reality of being a grandmother will inspire her to enhance up. As for what you do: make mad, random, and deserted love which includes your spouse with out the entire thing approximately beginning administration. often. ultimate desires

Answer 7

First of all, I agree that you and your wife need to make the decision to start a family regardless of your mother's concerns about her age. Not to offend, but I'd also say it's a decision to be made prayerfully, recognizing God's hand in the miracle of creation and new life.

My mom and I have had a rollercoaster kind of relationship, made all the more complicated by her living with us at the moment. She made a lot of hurtful comments before the birth of our son, but thankfully has become an amazing grandmother. Parents are individuals with their own set of goals and ideas, just like we as their children are individuals. Your mom may soften as others have said, but then again she might not. I think it will be important for you to discuss with your wife, your expecations of one another as parents, but also you hopes and goals for how your family participates. By recognizing now that she might not satisfy your ideal grandmother role, you'll prepare yourselves and protect yourselves from disappointment or fighting between you and your wife. Too often, frustration with parents gets taken out on the spouse.

Even if your mom doesn't fulfill the role you want her to, she is family and you'll want to raise your child to love her without being distracted by your own disappointment. It may be hard to not be angry with your mom, but it's important for your child's sense of confidence when they are young, to not let them see that anger. Over time, the relationship can grow.

One last thing, if your mom does become a grandmother, she'll likely be able to enjoy everyone telling her she looks too young to be a grandmother:)

Answer 8

when your wife has her baby, your mom wont have any choice but to be a grandma! its just like i dont have the choice of being a sister or not when my mom has another kid. but dont worry about it, when the baby comes, she will be tickled pink. being a grandma is better than being a mom - you dont have to wake up every few hours to feed the baby, but you still get to look after it!!! i'm sure your mom will play the place of a grandma just fine

Answer 9

Why do you keep asking this question?

Have you not gotten the answers you were looking for? Have a kid if you want to and are ready to take care of it and be done with it! I doubt your mother asked her parents for permission before having kids!

The fact that you feel that you need permission from your mother before having kids kinda indicates that you may be too immature and dependent upon your mother.

Answer 10

Sound like your mom is not MATURE enough to be a grandparent. I feel so bad for her that she will not be able to experience the joys of grandparenting. By the way I know a 36 year old grandmother that just adores her granddaughter. Good Luck