We are going out of town to have our wedding and close friends and family members will be there.
But he wants to invite his ex-wife to go.
They were married about 6 years ago for less than a year. They have a son that is 11.
Now the ex is remarried with more kids.
they are "friends" I guess you could say...they talk when they have to
the excuse for her to go is that his son needs to be there.
BUT we have grandmas and grandpas and great grammas, aunts, uncles..
We have a lot of kids going and lots of people to care for them.
I dont want her or her new family there. I feel that I am always going to be the 2nd wife and for my wedding day I want it to just be me. Am I wrong?/
We were never invited to her wedding!!!!!!
Sometimes I feel like she always has to stick her nose in
Its our wedding day I want to be the only one. What do you guys think?
2006-11-10 03:51:14 · 46 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
We are not friends but we get along fine.
Like I said she never invited us to her wedding, I think it would be odd if we were invited..
why should she see me and my fiance share our vows? I dont think it is appropriate
2006-11-10 03:56:40 · update #1
it's an uncomfrotable situation for you- tell him you would prefer if she didn't come
2006-11-10 03:52:08 · answer #1 · answered by Ms.Budonkadonk 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Majority rules here - SHE DOESN'T NEED TO BE THERE! Let the son come - someone can watch him during the service. This is your day and there's no reason why you should feel uncomfortable on your own wedding day. Besides, you weren't at hers. Tell your honey that it would be a great disrespect to you by inviting his ex to this occasion, and he should respect that.
Some people say that you're always stuck with your lover's ex when there's children involved, but SOME occasions are not appropriate for the ex! You know your man has a son with her, but that does not mean that your wishes come second, especially on your own wedding day! YOU deserve some respect.
2006-11-10 09:55:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please don't get me wrong or anything, but I think that if your husband wants to invite his ex-wife, then the both of you should invite her. It seems as if his ex-wife has already moved on with her love-life and has started an extended family with her new husband. You should have known about your fiance's situation with his ex-wife before you got into the relationship. And if you truly love him, you would try and work this out with him. I think that all the feelings you are feeling is due to an insecurity issue. Also, your fiance's son is going to be there ..and if you love him too, you would let his mother join him in this joyous moment that is your wedding...
And if you and your fiance were not invited to her wedding, then you should be the bigger person and still invite her. You should not feel second to her or anything .... He's marrying you for special reasons in which he sees and wants to share his life with you... not her. Your wedding is definitely going to be all about you.. Don't worry about the ex-wife... Just be the bigger person ... and plus, you'd be the prettiest person in the room anyways on your wedding day! I hope this helps... Congrats on your wedding!!!
2006-11-10 04:07:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before (WAY BEFORE) you walk down the aisle with this guy, you need to have a discussion about expectations and involvement with the ex. Your marriage changes what they have been doing in the past. It's great that you found a guy who is comfortable enough and confident enough and just all around nice enough to take care of his kids and treat their mom well.
One boundary to set....is how does this (insert event/situation/involvement) benefit the children or make the two parents better parents? if it doesn't, its outside the box. Its a nice simple boundary that might be good for you and your new beau. It will also establish a framework for awkward events (like if you decide to have your own children)....cause you will be focused on purpose rather than being caught up in the other crap that comes with it.
That said, two thoughts come to mind. First, you do need to be a priorty to this man. Trust your instincts. My grandma always said its okay to TELL HIM where he can and can't go...because men love the attention and like to know you love em---so long as you are saying it with love. Second, does he set limits well anywhere else? There is a big different between kindness and codependence. If he has a huge need for approval and never makes decisions ...RUN....
All the best to you
2006-11-10 04:11:05 · answer #4 · answered by Sweetserenity 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have to put your foot down and tell you future husband your not having this!!!! Its your day,and she should have no part of it!!! They're son will have alot of other people there to take care of him. The thing is,he is 11 years old, he does'nt need a babysitter. I'm sure your hubby is just trying to be nice to his ex, and want her to feel that they are friends now,but this is not the kind of thing you invite your ex too!! I say NO NO NO!!!
I also have the same problem with: the ex, now friend, her friends are my friends. But your wedding day, no!!!
This is your day,just let him know your not comfortable with the idea,and you dont want her there! You will not be happy with her there. I'm sure he wants you to have a great, unforgetable day, so with what ever your not happy with,he will compromise.
She can come to your first childs christening, now thats more like the ex wife scene.
Good luck! Your the bride, you have the final say!!!
2006-11-10 04:24:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I understand that you want it to be all about you because it is your wedding day after all, but you have to understand that when you started dating this man that he had all of this extra baggage. His son and ex-wife are all apart of him really. And part of you taking these wedding vows means taking them on to. My boyfriend has a two children by someone else and we all have to be around each other and if inviting her to some of my functions will make thing easier then bring her on. Also remember keep your friends close and your enemies even closer.
2006-11-10 04:13:40 · answer #6 · answered by Sweetness 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmm....I think you're marrying the wrong guy. He was married previously for less than a year. What was the reason for that? They have a son who is 11. Does he want to spite his ex? How childish can he be? I get along with my wife's ex just fine. They have kids together. He wants me to be close to his kids too and not some distant person. It sounds like you are not close to his son. If that's the case, you seriously need to reconsider. His son may resent you big time for shutting him out.
2006-11-10 04:28:54 · answer #7 · answered by Your #1 fan 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My ex (my son's dad) was at my wedding. He is friendly with my husband and me and I have known him since I was 15.
It depends on how you feel about her. If there is animosity, then do not include her. On the other hand, if it would make your husband happy and you can be civil with her, I am sure it would be OK to include her. it actually makes you look like a strong and confident woman not to let the past ruin the present.
I hope your wedding is lovely whichever route you choose to take.
2006-11-10 04:24:19 · answer #8 · answered by Chloe 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that there is any need for the ex-wife's family to be there. I can appreciate that her son will have to go to your wedding because he is also your husband to be's son. If I were you I'd discuss things with husband to be and tell him that you don't want her to come to the wedding. However if he says that she needs to be there because of his son, say okay fine, the two of them can come but the rest of her family stays at home. You will have to deal with this woman a lot, but you just have to deal with her as far as her son is concerned nothing else. Personally I think that you need to talk to husband to be and tell him. Bottom-line is it is your wedding and no matter what you are going to be the centre of attention, if she tries to make it about her, she would be making a fool of herself, and it will show her up. So if she has to attend it should just be her and her son, no other member of her family
2006-11-10 03:58:52 · answer #9 · answered by Baps . 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are marrying someone who has a past with a son and an ex. This is part of who he is and you will have this trailing you forever. You may as well take a deep breath and relax and invite them. When you act impeccable with good manners and grace, you will always win big.
Life is a compromise and so is marriage. Accept who your husband to be is and go with the flow.
2006-11-10 08:24:08 · answer #10 · answered by sheryl d 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ask him why he wants to invite her. There may be a specific reason that you don't know about. If the only reason he wants to invite her is because of his son, then calmy explain your resistance to the idea. Let him know how you feel. If he insists that she be there, then you have some serious problems to work out before getting married.
2006-11-10 07:08:09 · answer #11 · answered by married2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋