im 20 years old and my boyfriend is 21 hes a soldier in the U.S army. we've met trough friends we started dating then we fall in love. but the main thing is im still living with my father, he doesnt even allowed me to even talk to guys, but my boyfriend want me to marry him and move in with him but im scared that if i get married and move out my father will forever hate me and never talk to me for the rest of his life. but i want to be with the love of my life i want to be my own women but my dad wont let me,
please help i wanna be independent but im scared of what my dad might think.
2006-11-10 03:41:01 · 25 answers · asked by alourdes p 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Don't get married, not yet. I married the first time at 25, and regretted it. I was too young, and married for the wrong reasons.
Why doesn't you dad want you to talk to guys? At 20, that seems a little unreasonable. Sit down and ask your dad what his concerns are, and show him how responsible, smart, and independent you can be. If you prove to him that you are an adult, he will accept a man in your life better.
My dad told me once that he would love me more than anyone else in the world ever would, no matter what I did right or wrong.
Hope that helps.
2006-11-10 03:45:06 · answer #1 · answered by nottashygirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are young, and daddies protect their children. And I am only surmising that you are still in school and your father is afraid that you will not get an eduation, which is why he has the restrictions on your dating.
But, if that is NOT the case, your father may be holding on to you for very selfish & self-centerd reasons. You don't mention a mother. You might be replacing that companionship.
It is hard sometimes for a parent to let go of their children. (The reason so many go spastic when a wedding is announced)
You can tell your father that you are getting married or you can get married & then tell him. Either way you can expect some trouble. You don't want him to go after your boyfriend cause someone will end up hurt.
Becoming independant is hard enough. But it is part of the growing up process. And trust me, from experience, some parents don't let go easily. ( the selfish part again) Which makes for a miserable life.
You're in a very tough situation. One you & your boyfriend need to discuss with somone trusted like a minister or Army chaplain.
Good luck to you.
2006-11-10 11:54:46 · answer #2 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd be interested in knowing how long you've known your boyfriend. I think you are right to be concerned about your dad's feelings. Parents raise us and put a great deal of energy into making sure we don't screw up our lives. You are a little young to be discussing marriage, and not because you aren't mature enough. I say that more so because by the time you turn 25 you are going to be a completely different person from who you are now. I wouldn't wish that anyone be stuck with the person they dated in their early 20's.
If you haven't known your boyfriend long, I would suggest you start slow with acquainting your dad with the idea that you are an adult. If you just get married, your dad is going to attribute your behavior to your boyfriend rather than the inevitability of you growing up.
You should start asserting some independence without involving your boyfriend. If you are in college, maybe you should move on campus, or if you have a job, try finding a couple of roommates and moving out. If your dad is still providing for you, try finding a job to eliminate your reliance on him. Parents' love should grow toward separation as we get older, and our ability to behave like adults will help them in that process.
2006-11-10 11:57:55 · answer #3 · answered by 10timesalady 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a hard one. I've been in that situation before. What you need to do is evaluate what will make YOU the happiest. And take it from there, if you want to marry this guy and move in with him, thats your decision...you need to make it, not your dad. Sit down with your dad and have a heart to heart. You are 20 years old and not a baby anymore, but your father still sees you as his "little girl" and he is scared of losing you in that sense. Its hard for fathers that way. It will be okay and only time will tell :) But give it a shot!!
2006-11-10 11:44:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm happy that you've found love. however there's nothing independent about moving from your father's house into your marital home. why don't u move into the dorm at college or get a roommate and get an apartment. u are only 20 years old and should experience living outside your parents home b4 jumpin to marriage. most likely, you'll end up feeling like u missed out once your pregnant with your 3rd child and u realize u never had a chance to really get to know yourself. get a job. save some $. move out to the dorm or an apt. if it's meant to be with your bf it will be. he's probably in singapore bangin some asian chick anyway, so why shouldn't u experience life?
2006-11-10 12:19:14 · answer #5 · answered by feetal2003 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are a legal adult. Do what you want. But do so with the knowledge of the consequences. Your father will most likely get over his anger. Losing his little girl can't be easy for him. Realizing that his little girl is a woman now must be even harder. Marry your love. Live your life. Dad will come to understand that you can't live at home forever. Good luck to you.
2006-11-10 11:45:26 · answer #6 · answered by Emm 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Baby girl, you have to live your own life. Talk to your dad and explain that you are an adult. If he said something like, his house his rules, you will have to move out. He won't stay mad at you when he sees you happily married and when you place his first grand child in his arms. Remind him that you will not stop loving him, ever, and you will always be his little girl. Then move ahead with your life. Your daddy is probably afraid of losing you so much that he has become a control freak. Gently remind him he raised you to be your own girl, and do so immediately. You have a lot of support from us and best of luck. Always. Nana
2006-11-10 11:54:55 · answer #7 · answered by nanawnuts 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you move out on your own before you get married? Find a girlfriend who needs a roommate. It will help you establish your independence. After you have been on your own for a while, then get married. That way your dad will see that you moved out for independence as opposed to get married to a guy. Good Luck!!!
2006-11-10 13:22:22 · answer #8 · answered by KC 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First thing first, plan ahead and ask yourself this question, is he really the guy that can bring you happiness and stay with you till your old age.. if he really is the one, then it's worth talking to your father about your decisions and why you are making the decision. Maybe your father is worried about your safety with guys. By convincing your father about the guy that you are going to be with is a really good guy, maybe he'll let you get married to the guy.
2006-11-10 17:08:10 · answer #9 · answered by fairytalesuicide 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Young Lady you are 20 years old , you may do and go as you wish. IF your father is a TRUE father he will not hate you. You must step out and learn on your own. Marriage is a serious step and PLEASE be sure you really LOVE him and HE really loves you. DO NOT GET MARRIED BECAUSE HE HIS HANDSOME AND OR GOOD IN BED yes those are important but do you consider him your BEST FRIEND ? I wish you all the luck to you. If your GUT says YES sleep on it and say YES the next day. JIM
2006-11-10 11:48:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋