Why can't I commit to any girl - I am 30 and I've been with many girls but I just get itchy and have to go ?

Question

Despite that I never cheated on any one of them, but it seems that after a year or so I just feel suffocated. The only long relationship I had was at 17 and lasted for four years. It was very painful to breakup and since then I cannot tolerate a long relationship or commitment. Help !

Answer 1

Commitment is not about how you feel but rather a concious decision.
If you change how you think you will be able to commit. Consider the things that are important to you in a relationship, the values such as honesty, loyalty etc, find out the things that are important to her. The commit to those things.
These are no big decisions. For example, honesty. Everytime there is something in your relationship that you think you should keep from your G/f, then tell her. It's that easy. Once you get going on these things you will find that selfishness leaves your relationship.

Another example. Loyalty. When your walking down the street and you see someone that you think might be prettier than your G/f, make a conscious decision to look away. It's not to say that you cannot look, but think about how your G/f would react if she new what you were thinking. By giving her that respect you will also be a loyal partner.

Why should you do all this. Because, when you make these decisions and commit to her, you will find the way you feel in the relationship will add so much value to it, that love will continue to grow to such a point that you would not want to live without her.

In summary. Decide to Commit.

Answer 2

Darling, you and everyone else on this planet has had their heart ripped out and stomped on. Usually not a pretty sight. We have all had those experiences. The trouble is learning to trust or feel again. And sometimes we have the feeling to do it before its done to us, because we are being ruled by fear. If you have not found anyone to settle down with or call your own, it could be you have not found the right one, or it maybe that your tolerance for ANY intimacy is stilted. I would suggest really thinking about this, as you have the potential to either be alone if setting your standards too high (we all have faults, can you live with others who have them too?) or distancing yourself when you should be pulling closer. Honest conversation with your potentials should be pulling you closer or exposing what I call fatal flaws that could ruin a long term relationship. Someone who lies, cheats or is dishonorable and thinks its okay, has trouble written all over it. Someone who is kind, even when others aren't, tries to think of others, and puts up with you, even when you aren't at your best, is someone worth investing more time in. Maybe you need to realize, when commiting to someone, you are not necessarily being suffocated, you are exchanging a free wheeling lifestyle for a longterm life of hopefully joy and happiness (if you have picked the right person, that should be your expectation). If you see your life as a drag with this person, maybe you are projecting or maybe you are seeing what can happen because their character will lead to this, or maybe your will? In any case, I do not think 30 is THAT old. But you are more self aware, and so I think maybe a little more self examination may lead you to know if the single life it for you, if you like changing GF's more often than people get new cars, think to yourself, do I want to be old and alone? Or do I like the idea of the chase more than the drudgery of day to day life, even if that may bring the potential for children, stability and ultimately happiness and joy on a deeper level? Think about it and decide for yourself where your actions are taking you and if thats what your goal is, then good, if not, perhaps you need to make some fundemental changes in yourself to achieve your goals, whatever that may be. Good luck to you and I commend you for looking for help to make that happen for yourself.

Answer 3

You have unresolved issues from the 4 year girlfriend and are terrified to get hurt again. Are your parents divorced as well? That could have something to do with it.
You're not ready for something long term, maybe you never will be. If it concerns you that much, go to counseling and have someone help you find the root of the issue and work through it.

Just out of curiousity, Are you definatly over that significant ex? Maybe you have some issues still with her.

Answer 4

I recommend reading Nick Hornby's novel, "High Fidelity." You'll find that you're not alone, and that at some point you will have to grow up or risk being alone for the rest of your life. (A 50-year old out there dating isn't pretty).

Answer 5

Stop dating girls. Now don't get mad I'm not saying little girls just women that are girls in the mind. You're a grown man you have to get with WOMEN that are on grown women things. That's why I dated older women. Young women won't attract and intrest you like older women would. And they don't need to be all latched on to you to know you care. Worked for me. (Not too old though)

Answer 6

Wow, thats rough. Well that is something that you have to search and find out why you cant commit. Sounds to me your scared to be married to one person! Stop worrying and just commit or dont date at all

Answer 7

you need help for this because you dont want to be alone all your life you need to see a psicology because with terapy this will be over soon and the you will have a good realtionship with someone and maybe you wont have to break up all the time

Answer 8

maybe you just haven't found the right girl for you

Answer 9

maybe your still just immature?

Answer 10

No.