Problem with teenage daughter's ex boyfriend...?

Question

My 17 year old daughter was envolved with a young man that has been kicked out of school 2 times for smoking pot at school. He's lazy, whiney... And everytime he gets in trouble, it's always someone elses fault. We've made them break up, and thought that we had him out of the picture. Well, yesterday we seen her cell phone records, because her bill was real high... She has been calling him on her phone, and talking for hours... I took her phone, and took her mustang. Well, last night she got up in my face defending this young man. At one point, I was PISSED, and I kicked her out of the house. I said to let him provide all these things... Well, she called him to come get her. I told him to leave, and he tells me that he's not going to ever leave my daughter alone, and that they will be married when she turns 18 (5 months). This young man talked to me awful, and said that her family is her main problem... I ran him off, and he said that we haven't seen the last of him. What do I do?

Answer 1

Wow!! This is unfortunate, however, you are a concerned parent and you hv avery right to do what you hv to in order to defend your child! And as her primary caretaker, if you feel that her best interest is not served in this realtionship then you are not in the wrong for for taking her car away, thus reinforcing that her behavior is unacceptable. If I were you I would remain steadfast in taking away her car and other things that are a privlege to have. As a parent, you are not there to be her friends, you are there to be her father! Good luck! -Janet

Answer 2

I feel you man. Do you think beating the heck out if him will help? Maybe not.

I was that young man once. Bad attitude, world out to get me, screw everybody. It is just a phase many young adults go through when they have too much time on their hands. It does not mean he is a horrible person. It just means he has not learned proper respect. This only comes with life experience. He may get it some day, but then again he could be heading for the slammer. You need to find a way to make amends with him and your daughter. This way at the very least you can hold them at arms length.

Otherwise all you have is the hope that your upbringing the past 17 years will have a lasting impact on your daughter and she will make the correct decisions.

Answer 3

tell him if he calls, your gonna put out a restraining order, and if he stops by you'll call the cops.

She is still under age .

And Mom

Are you nuts giving her all the things she wants

She is a spoiled Brat.
and its your fault

You aren't preparing her for the real world

which Fyi is in 5 months. She needs a crash course

If she is still in highschool

make sure you pay for the Birth control and condoms.


but other than that, take all of her sh-t from her room, clothes panties, everything.

even the bed linen.

tell her she needs to earn them back.

She'll be mad , maybe stay with a friend but don't give her money , clothes , nothing , just the clothes on her back.
and a good warm coat.

tell her she is welcome to always come back but if she thinks she is an adult, she'll really have to take adult responsibility.

And get a job. that can support her.

Now,
and if her grades fall , so what, it'll be a good taste of the real life , and no college money.

Take it all and make sure she has no way of getting things except from you.

meals and showers only., and make her pay rent. so she can't save up money.

If she doesn't like apying you rent,

show her how much an apartment costs.

If she thinks she can live with his parents,
Speak to them and let them know you are 10 times crazier than them
tell them you will Sue them if they interfere, and press charges on her son.

And do just that.

Give a taste of the real life, and tough love baby.

if she isn't in school tell her she needs to start looking for her own place,

And honestly if you wait for her to marry this guy in 5 months

she'll just end up pregnant

make sure you put something that lasts for a few years up in there.

it'll be the best investment you ever made

And hopefully you are one of those parents that really care, and realize that she is leaving for college or marriage but not both,

Anyways, Also I think that you can put a block on the phone at home so she can't call that way. or email.

Passwords. and send all calls to the voice messaging system ,

you might not get your call right away but neither will she.

be smart mom.

make it hard but tolerable and she will see the light.

no money and she can't see him.

not even a dollar for lunch

make her clean her own clothes , and pack her own lunch.

and be sure not to have any money or valuables laying around.

cause they will go missing.

and make sure your husband agrees , grandparents everyone.

good luck.

meg
[e-mail]
http://www.bahai.org/

Answer 4

You need to stop now, if it isnt too late.
Badmouthing him to her only made her close ranks and defend him. If you put your 2 cents in every now and then, and had some faith in her ability to make the right decisions, she may have come up with the idea of leaving him herself.
If you do get a chance to talk to her again, tell her your sorry for the blow up, but you cannot give your blessings to a relationship that you think isnt good for her. Dont bother arguing, as it will only push her away further. All you can do is take her car and cell phone (if you pay them), yet tell her that if she needs you, you will be there for her. Try to keep the lines of communication open so that when this guy does screw up big, she will feel like she has somewhere else to go.

Answer 5

You are letting her control your actions, when she needs your strength as a parent most. MANY girls love LOSERS, the worse the better, because it makes them feel (briefly) superior as a woman, perhaps because they feel threatened or inferior to proper and successful males. They will often pick the most inadequate male they can find, to feel somewhat in charge.

It's time, since you have already given her the freedom of a phone and car, to ignore what she does. RESISTANCE from parents often drives lovers together---it feeds on their dramatic persecution complex, and makes them feel original and heroic.
If parents IGNORE the drama, roll their eyes in boredom, even laugh at the romantic adventure the child is acting out, there will be no satisfaction, no reward, for the rebellion.
Ignore any conversation devoted to the "boyfriend"---turn on the TV instead, or change the subject to what's for dinner, etc.

She will do what she wants to do, because she has no fear of consequences, having gone this far. BUT - if the adults in the family give her no dramatic reactions to feed the "drama" of her rebellion, she will have to be alone with her thoughts, and look clearly at the boyfriend as he really IS. Seeing reality around her might take time and solitude. If the PARENTS say nothing, she will be forced to listen to her internal dialogue.

Answer 6

Her school principal needs to be made aware of this. It is his duty to protect all of the students. Also, you might want to look into getting a restraining order and if he breakes it, then he goes to jail without passing go, and he can't use a get out of jail free card. It's your duty as a parent to protect your daughter, and at this point she needs to know there are some safe havens to go to should she get confronted by him while she is at her job, or out walking or wherever she may be. Bullying is not tolerated anymore like it used to be. If you need help, check with your local social services office.

Answer 7

wow, well I would have done somethign diffrently, not saying you did not have the best intrest in mind, but that is your daughter, should have talked to her and find out why she has been talking with him all this time if you have forbidden her to be near him, or even talk with him, one time or another we have always blamed someone else for our mistakes, I know I have.....but you know what I remember being 17 and 18 and in love my parents could not control who I wanted to be with, so I dated this boy behind there back until I got pregnant then I learnt all about the boy, she will learn how he truely is and come crawling home and when she does open your doors for her love her no matter, and when you do get to talk to her do not be a controlling mom be her friend, and love her always. The only advice is that!

Answer 8

You should really talk to your daughter but take out some time to think is there really problems at is it any thing that you could improve in just as well as your daughter. That guy may not have her best interest at all but some people have to learn from there own mistakes. You should talk to your daughter and reassure her that you have her best interest and that you love her no matter what choses she makes. she will be 18 in 5 months weather she does it know or not so time i8s running out dint be afraid to talk to her and actually listen to her . besides weren't you 18 once think real hard dont run be there for her and dont let her run either Good Luck !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 9

Children are going to do what they want no matter what we say. I'm dealing with the same kind of thing. All you can do is keep quiet and let them know that what ever they do is their decision but that you don't like it and won't be a part of it. It may hurt your daughter at first but eventually she will come around to your way of thinking if she thinks that it doesn't bother you anymore.

Answer 10

it's so corny for a parent to act like this. and it's the silliest mistake parents can ever make. DO NEVER MAKE YOUR CHILDREN DO WHAT YOU WANT IN THEIR PRIVATE LIFE.whatever their age is, it's completely their business, it's everybosy's natural right. and remember my words, i know loads of such men that used to be like that at school and later became owners of huge prospective companies. it all gets down to whether he's able to think or not. AND DO NEVER SAY TO GET OUT TO YOUR CHILDREN EVEN AS A JOKE.coz after that they will feel the distance between you, even when ustop quarrelling. talk to ur daughter not like a parent, but as a friend. i'm 18. my parents never told me what to do. i've always acted the way i wanted and know i'm studying at the best economic university in russia ( i was never good at school).
good luck)