In my last question it wasnt enough info so here I go again. My brother was adopted by my dad who abused him off and on for fifteen years. By the time he was 16, my dad had attacked him several times in front of the rest of us.
My grandmother moved to SC and took him with her, but my dad broke out of prison and with a partner, kidnapped him. He was abused, and, you know, over a five-day period before found by police.
My dad's in prison with a life sentance.
My mom and I moved to SC shortly after that to be with my grandma. My mom hates my brother though, they're always getting into fights.
Because of my brother, I have lost both my mother and my father. I know it is not his fault, but why do I feel so angry twoards him, and yet so loving twoards my parents?
(he is 17 now)
Hope this is 'nuff explination. Thanks to whoever said I needed more info =S
2006-11-10 02:00:09 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Right now you are feeling like he is responsible for everything that has happend and I have been there with my mother over my stepfather when he was abusing her...I was left to blame because she didn't have anyone to blame and she didn't want to blame herself because she knew that she was the one at fault...Well in this case your brother is not at fault he is the victim and you need to be more understanding...He might need help for the rest of his life just to get himself back on track...Whatever you mother feels it is because she misses her husband and she too was in denial because of what he was doing...But she feels in her heart just like you that he is the blame...
Right now your brother needs you, You are the last one and his only hope for love and peace in his tortured life and you have to be there for him no matter what your feelings tell you otherwise...You must not let him know that you want to blame him for all of the things that has gone on...you do that he will certainly fall...and you will never get him back...Be a good sister and be there for him when he needs it God will bless you ten fold for the generousity you are showing to him in his need. The comfort you are giving to him will become priceless and you will feel better in both mind and spirit...Just do the right thing okay...I never had that and I had to do it all alone when my mother was being abused...I grew up with a lot of anger in my heart over the years I was able to find love and have children free from what I felt when I was growing up...Trust me you are his only link to sanity left don't abandon him be there for him...God Bless you and take care!
2006-11-10 02:32:22 · answer #1 · answered by beagirl40 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need someone to blame, and you choose your brother. Maybe you feel as if he's an intruder. That, if he had never come into the family, things would be different. I don't think that's the case. It's your dad's fault all this happened, not your brother's. Try to get to know your brother a little more. Go to...uhhh....lazer tag! lol Or something like that, then stop by McDonalds afterward and just have fun! I'm sure if you get to know him, you'd realize that it's not his fault that all this has happened. Good luck!
2006-11-10 02:05:24 · answer #2 · answered by S. Elizabeth 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a sad and tragic story. I'm not sure why you lost your mom, you don't explain that.
You need some counseling, big time. You know this is not your brother's fault. I hope he is in counseling so he doesn't end up just like your father.
You are looking for a reason and explanation for why your father is so bad and why your mother was/is so hateful and you are using your brother as that excuse. But that is not right. Your brother is a victim, big time. And you are too just having to live with this in your life. But you need to love your brother and be the family he has never had.
2006-11-10 02:03:02 · answer #3 · answered by BlueSea 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NONE of this is the fault of your brother.......none! Please do not blame him, the poor child had a miserable life...as did you.
Your parents are adults! They made their own choices. Not only did they destroy your brother's life after adopting him...of all things. In effect they have now destroyed your life and relationship with them as well.
This obviously went on for many years. There is nothing anyone here can do to really help you. I don't know if you are still in high school, but if you are talk to your counselor, they can get you the help you need. If you are older, call your local community mental health facility if you cannot afford to pay a counselor out of pocket.
Take care, you will need to work with someone for perhaps a very long time to truly get things into perspective; and get to a point where you can love your brother and understand the hell that child lived through at the hands of your father.
This is complicated, I am sorry for you and for what you have had to endure. Take care.
2006-11-10 02:03:31 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just hurt and taking it out on the person you feel has caused you having a family, you might think also that it was as a result of his adoption that your dad is in prison and your mom probably feels the same way. But please please think about what he too would be going through. You admit its not his fault so try to keep that before you always. I once helped out as a kind of social worker, and i heard so many stories of abused children who though adults are still kids inside. If they ever open to you, their helplessness, their fears, their hoeplessness and a lot of very sad feelings you just might understand what your brother is going through. Now i'm not saying you should hate your parents, although what your dad did was really terrible, just try to look at it that, that's the price he has to pay, do not look at it as if its not just, he's paying the price for his action no matter how sad this is to you or how harsh you feel the judgement is. I hope that you'll come to see your brother in a positive light too and accept him just as you've accepted your father's failings too.
2006-11-10 02:14:08 · answer #5 · answered by girlfunny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you ask me you're being a little selfish. Have you thought about all that your brother's been through. Yeah, you say you know its not his fault but if you ask me deep down I believe you blame him for everything and thats why you have this anger in you. You know what things happen in life that we have no control over. You just have to accept things are they are and learn to move on. Frankly your father deserves to pay for what he did and yeah its not wrong to still love him. Your mom probably blames your brother for what happened so thats why they can't get along. You haven't lost your parents, they're just in difficult situations. Your brother is the one who's lost a lot and has to deal with a lot. Maybe you should try seeing things from his point of view by talking to him. Make the effort and try to dispel the anger. If not, I suggest you guys seek counselling.
2006-11-10 02:12:37 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have what is called "misplaced anger" with your brother, when the anger should be with your parents. Your dad is a repeat offender of abuse.. maybe even a pedophile. It is a good thing he is in prison to prevent him from doing more harm to anyone else, especially your poor brother. This brother grew up as a victim of your father's and should have been protected from him... I am wondering why health and welfare was never called in or why the abuse was allowed to go on so long anyway. Your mom was probably scared of your father as was your brother, so she didn't do anything to prevent the abuse. It is not the fault of the victims of this type of abuse, don't continue blaming your brother, he has had enough anger and pain to deal with himself!
Show some compassion for him and tell him that you are sorry for what he has been through. He has suffered enough for a life time... believe me, it will affect him for the rest of his life, I know!
I was a victim of child abuse and molestation from my natural father. He is a repeat offender and has been in prison too, he hurt each one of us children, but in many different ways. I have kept my children from him and have not seen him for about 25 years now. The only anger I have had for him has been that he took my innocence in my early childhood, and he ruined my life!
The good news is that I am learning to forgive him for his abuse.
I still continue to protect my children and hopefully he will never see them as he is far enough away. I hope this has helped you somehow... you must have been really confused as a child because you didn't understand what was happening or why your dad was hurting your brother, and then your dad was gone...
I'm sorry for your family's painful situation... I do understand tho...
2006-11-10 02:24:13 · answer #7 · answered by MaggieO 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its a denial thing. If he joins the military, they will cover child support out of his pay, so that's good. It will take a while. Sounds like its not an issue of the people (Mother and her father) but rather of being freaked at his responsibility. Remember, you can dragg a horse to water..... Just stay in contact with the Mom and be respectful and tell her (and you) to stop pushing-its not doing any good and he'll come around. Many young Dads also do better when the child is a bit older. Stupid but true.
2016-03-19 06:07:53 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get over your anger to your brother and your mum needs to get off his back, whatever you and your mum are feeling, which i can imagine is quite traumatizing, you've got to ask yourself, how much worse does your brother feel?
It sounds like as an adopted kid the whole family has some resentment towards him on some level.
You being angry with him and loving towards your parents suggests this is the case and i would say you need to deal with your anger and grow up.
Would your brother feel this way if you were beaten and kidnapped?
If you and your mum can't get over it move away from SC and leave your brother with your nan and let him move on and put a life together.
2006-11-10 02:11:56 · answer #9 · answered by madnesscon 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My heart breaks for you and your brother. You're right, it's not his fault, he has been through an unthinkable situation. You must try to be understanding of this. You may have to take the lead and rectify the stress between you, your brother and your mother. It won't be easy but neither is the way you're all living now. You may all need to seek counseling, together, you and your mother also need to put yourselves in your brothers place and try to imagine how he feels. Being abused is bad enough but being abused by your father, someone you're supposed to love, is even harder.
2006-11-10 02:06:51 · answer #10 · answered by i have no idea 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋