my bf and i have been together for 2 yrs and last week i broke up with him, we break up alot because we always argue but this time im so fed up.. ilove him alot i changed some of my ways and gave him everything i could. He is just very possessive, always jealous,paranoid and recently he is not giving enough effort for our relationship. he wants to meet my parents but im afraid they wont like him so i told him to quit smoking and get a job, its to make him better too right? im not changing him. i mean if he really loves me he would do that for me with no questions, but he just sit around all day in his house waiting for blessings... he is sweet but he is changing, when we fight, he never make a week pass by w/o reconciling, but now he wont even call anymore and to think it was his fault. I am really hurt so bad i gave him everything..,literally, he was my first u know.. help....
2006-11-10 01:19:18 · 12 answers · asked by troubled_woman85 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I've been in a relationship too,we were two years now, we also have fight and petty quarrels, and we also got broke up recently because of little misunderstanding but we reconcile after that day.We promise to ourselves that the next time we go into another problem, and breaking up is one of the option, we should think deeply, because we might just trashed our two years together.We should not be easy to decide and both of us should check our self if there's really no hope for our relationship, because when one of us will say that word and he didnt think first, he should stand in his decision and earn the result, because for me if you said we should break up then you should do that (because in me i should said that if i really mean it and could really see that this man is not good enough to fight for). So we have a good flow of relationship, we change to a better person and not rushing to make a big decision that we might regret in the end. In your case, there is only one in your relationship who fully given the very best to save the relationship -and it is YOU. But its not gonna work if its only you..Most of the men are jealous person and its normal. but your man is very possesive and arrogant to the point that he never calls you to fix things..Is it because he believe that its your fault?If thats true still its not right to just overlook you and wait a lifetime for you to be the one who will reconcile to him...Thats not love...Thats self-righteousness..And its not right..So i advice you to think deeply, and think if this kind of man is what you want to be with for the rest of your life...If you can explain everything to him just to win him FOR JUST ONCE, then do that. But if he still don't listen and don't change for a better man, then leave him peacefully without any regrets in your heart. Because you've given all your best to make him a better person. Its not your fault anymore, but its his fault now.Hope i could somehow help you.And one thing, "a worthy man is a man who could refresh your soul and bring smile in your face, not problems and wrinkles in your forehead". Wish you the best.
2006-11-10 01:41:19 · answer #1 · answered by missy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Somethings wrong when one of you has to "change your ways" for the other. You've changed for him. You want him to change for you. Can't you see that this is wrong?
I married a guy like this when I was 20 years old. We did love each other in our own immature way, but we were not suitable for marriage. We did the best we could but it was the worst nine years of my life while we were married. If I could do it over again, I would have cut all ties after our last pre-marriage breakup. If you're OK with a cycle of arguing & breaking up for the rest of your life, that's fine... but what if you have children??? Would that be fair to THEM?? Maybe you don't want kids... Still, could you accept changing everything to suit him, and he changes nothing for you? Will you be able to accept that, "forever????" I can tell you from experience that one of you (the one who "changes") will just end up resenting the other. Resentment will cause withdrawal; withdrawal will cause one of you to look elsewhere for love. Just because he was your first? You don't owe him anything. If it's a "religious" thing (it kind of was, for me - a Catholic girl...) just remember even the Bible says nobody can be perfect, and we can all be forgiven. You can't depend on someone else for your self-worth and happiness. I think you should tell him you're sorry but this isn't working for you, just cut all ties with him and take a break of at least a year to think about what you want in a husband. Type "questions to ask before getting married" in your search bar - follow the links, really think about these things. Make some new friends, go do something you've always wanted to do, maybe try taking come classes, to get you out of this rut. After a year of being completely off the guy, if he really loves you like he says, he'll still be there (but I doubt you'll still want him!) Good Luck!
2006-11-10 09:45:59 · answer #2 · answered by Auntie M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he started out bad but he is changing for the BETTER after you should stay, BUT this is the OPPOSITE. Now, he won't even call and its his fault too... I think you should just go, you've done all you can and he's done nothing and even changing for the worse. He may be your first but thats no reason to stay. Find a great, loving guy who will treat you right to be your LAST. We all have "first times" but not all can say who or what or when their "last" will be, you know what I mean?
The man who treats you right is the man you marry, and he is more special than the "first" will ever be. Go find someone better.
2006-11-10 09:31:00 · answer #3 · answered by stormsandblues 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel. It's hard for you to fully let go of him cuz you love him and he was your first and you keep trying to make things work. A relationship takes two people not one. So if you have improved yourself but he has sat on his azz for 2 years and has done nothing (or had not done as much as he should) then chances are he is not gonna change. My advice to you would be to let go of this guy and don't even bother introducing him to your parents cuz when they get to really know him, they probably would wonder why you chose him and whether this is the best you can do...so let go of him. you are going to have a broken heart but you will find someone worth your time.
2006-11-10 09:36:59 · answer #4 · answered by p 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He should understand u and oblige to u for whatever u hv done for him and understand the responsiblity of being man. U hv not asked anything which he can't achieve. so wait n watch for some times if he is changing its good for both of u or else decide the drastic step coz u hv to live ur life
2006-11-10 09:26:29 · answer #5 · answered by g_hnst 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I stopped reading after you said "I told him to get a job" First off why you telling this man to get a job, shouldn't he already have one. If your telling him to get a job now, what does the future hold for yall????????? He jealous because he know's you can do better.
2006-11-10 09:23:26 · answer #6 · answered by BABYWHITE 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How many times do you need to know that it WONT WORK to finally except the fact.....
BREAKING UP = IT WONT WORK
In life you will continue to make the same mistakes until you learn....so go back and keep making the same mistake until you learn and move on with your life....
.
2006-11-10 09:23:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
there is nothing you will do about that. you can not marry a lazy man who does not want to work, how we you cope if you are married tommorow. sit down and think. its your affairs but am just advicing
2006-11-10 09:25:30 · answer #8 · answered by Jecs O 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pity girl, it sounds u meet a wrong man, move on.
2006-11-10 09:24:37 · answer #9 · answered by kiwilove 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he was your first he doen't have to be your last
why don't you just let him go move on
you might be suprise what is out there
Good luck
2006-11-10 09:24:10 · answer #10 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋