How to deal with boyfriend with 3 kids from previous marriage?

Question

i met my boyfriend about 8 months ago now we are starting to have a serious relationship but the problem is that he has 3 young kids ranging from 10 to 4 from a previous marriage what shoud i do? i love him but his kids are a lot to deal with

Answer 1

Excellent question. It is hard for him to let someone else take an active role in his kids lives, that's just how it is so tread carefully. You really have to be a selfless woman (and if you have a brother who is single and just like you, send him my way please !) You have to think about how you see yourself in the future. Do you want kids of your own? If so, stick with him, you all will be fine, but your relationship needs to be built on solid things like marriage in the future, you definitely being a mom to those little darlings and wether or not you have both really found yourselves. I wish you the best but the worst thing you can do to a single parent is lead them on. I think that if you broke it off like, NOW, he would still understand. Oh and dealing with the mama drama is only what you make it, if you show respect you'll get a degree of respect and it wont just be from her but him also.
Tread carefully.

Answer 2

When you enter a relationship with someone who has kids you have to take them with that person. If you are not ready for the kids then you should end the relationship soon. It is not fair to either of you.

It is always tough when your in a relationship and the other party has children. It is not cut out for everyone to be so supportive of someone elses kids. It is an individuals decision but if you can't handel it you should be up front with him about it and not get into something that you might regret later.

Answer 3

The real question here is how much do you love your boyfriend, If this is the guy of your future tough it out, but if you're still wanting to party and not settle, then you know what to do. 3 kids isn't that bad, my mom had 14, not kidding. I guess some girls can deal with kids and some can't. Good luck hun.

Answer 4

first, they're never going away. when you date someone w/ kids your always 2nd. are they spoiled? is that the problem. he can't have been divorced very long the kids are young so many parents feel guilt and they try to make up for it to the kids. you have to discuss w/ him what your concerns are and how you fit into this relationship. at 8 months I wouldn't put too much energy in finding your place just yet. be a little patient

Answer 5

Then dont go down that road......you will never get used to it and as time goes on you will only regret being in that situation more and more until you resent the children and him.

It might be painful to cut it off, but you will save everyone a lot of grief down the road if it ends now....

If your a step parent you should be without question 110% for it -or- dont do it at all.....that doubt will never go away

Answer 6

8 months with him...you fall in love with HIM but is the time mature enough for you to be a MOM already....
don't forget that you have to deal with FOUR new people and feeding to their needs...
how does he feel that you can be their mother..replacing the biological one..
have you met the children yet? how do they react to you? do they accept you or DO YOU pay any attention to them or have you tried..
this is actually something you have to WORK on and adjust to once you take on the responsibility to be their "MOM"
if you don't think you can handle it...DON'T even try to do it until you are ready because really (THINK ABOUT THE KIDS) they don't need that much drama again in their life..they are innocent..
thanks and GOOD LUCK to you girl!!!
from single mom to you

Answer 7

You should just be honest with him and explain how you feel. As a single parent it is important for me, that my children and whomever I may be dating at least are able to get along with mutual respect.

Entering a ready made family is a difficult thing to do. I urge you not to take that step unless you are absolutely sure you are ready for the responsibility it requires.

Answer 8

If you actually do love him, it shouldn't matter. But I'm guessing you truly don't if you can't accept him for him, whether he came with baggage for not. The children will never go away, they are a forever part of him. You either need to accept that. Or leave.

Answer 9

That's a BIG issue, especially if they visit often. You have to be honest with yourself and think about if you can handle them being in his life. If not you have to be fair to both him and the kids and get out now!

Answer 10

You need to learn to adapt to this relationship. If you can't then problems will arise. These kids will forever be in his life so if you like to be apart of that then start adapting.