Im very bored, I need cheering up! Jokes or anything wud do!
2006-11-10 00:17:17 · 14 answers · asked by Irishbird3 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
What's Blue & Yellow
Green....
Lifes too short, cheer up.....................
2006-11-10 00:18:58 · answer #1 · answered by joe c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This should cheer you up - REAL not made up so should we fear for the future...
or were we also this bad at 16?
The following questions and answers were collected from last year's
GCSE exams; with answers given by British students completing their fifth form GCSE Exams.
These are genuine responses from 16 year olds.
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water
tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? ( e.g.abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax
the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O and U.
Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport
Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like
umbrellas.
Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. {do dishes}
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab or Seikh wears on his head
2006-11-10 00:21:30 · answer #2 · answered by JAYFIRE 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Considering your handle, I thought you might get a kick out of this:
Paddy staggered home very late after another evening with his
drinking buddy, Mick. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his
wife, Brigid.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to
their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he
caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Paddy sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of band-aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could d on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Paddy woke up with searing pain in both his head
and butt and Brigid staring at him from across the room.
She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you Paddy?"
Paddy said, "Why would you say such a mean thing?"
"Well," Brigid said, "it could be the open front door, it could be
the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops
of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot
eyes, but mostly... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall
mirror."
2006-11-10 01:06:28 · answer #3 · answered by jatass 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't have any jokes but here are some tongue twisters.
A skunk sat on a stump. The stump thought the skunk stunk. the skunk thought the stump stunk . What stunk the skunk or the stump?
Six thick thistle sticks. Six thick thistles stick
One smart fellow, he felt smart.
Two smart fellows, they felt smart.
Three smart fellows, they all felt smart
2006-11-10 00:21:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How about this one bit naughty:-
The racing-car driver picked up a girl after a race, went home with her and took her to bed.
He fell asleep only to be awakened suddenly when she smacked him in the face. "What's the matter?!? Didn't I satisfy you when we ....?" he asked.
"It was after you fell asleep that got you into trouble," said the angry woman. "In your sleep, you felt my ti*s and mumbled, 'What perfect headlights.' Then you felt my thighs and murmured, 'what a smooth finish.'"
"What's wrong with that?" asked the driver.
"Nothing, but then you felt my thing and yelled, 'Who the hell left the garage door open?'"
2006-11-10 00:20:01 · answer #5 · answered by Pd 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man walks into his shrinks office..dressed in only a saran wrap pear of underpants...the shrink walks in and says...
"I can see clearly...your nuts"....
(insert laugh here)
2006-11-10 00:19:14 · answer #6 · answered by Brokenconfused 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
not an answer just an observation i think kizzy and brent need to get a room
2006-11-13 11:08:36 · answer #7 · answered by micky 114 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do don,t read any jokes from Brent S, thats somethin he definately not big on!
lol
2006-11-12 05:13:57 · answer #8 · answered by Kizzy_ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man goes to a fancy dress party. The hostess opens the door to him and sees that he is naked apart from a pair of underpants. So she says ..."Okay ... I cannot guess .. what is your costume supposed to be?"
"Oh" he said ..."I've come as a premature ejaculation"
"How's that?" ... she queried ..."I don't get it"
"Oh well" ,, he said ..."I've just come in my pants!"
2006-11-10 10:35:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's Black and White and goes BOOM BOOM BOOM?
A nun falling down stairs
What's black and white and goes tehehe?
The nun that pushed her.
2006-11-10 00:41:18 · answer #10 · answered by Mimi C 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋