How do I tell my parents I'm pregnant?

Question

I'm 14-year-old girl.I have a boyfriend(he's 21).We usually have sex two or three times a week(at his house).We never use condoms(he can control himself) but recently I felt sick some times and I made a test.The test says I'm pregnant.My boyfriend and I love each other very much and we both want to keep the baby.I don't know how to tell my parents.My boyfriend is ready to take care of the child while I turn 18.He even offered me to go to live with him if my parents are mad with me.He works and has a big salary,he is able to take care of us.How do I tell my parents about that?I don't want to move house yet but if they get mad,I will.Any advice please?

Answer 1

Before you think about what you will say to your parents, please promise yourself that you will not abort this baby. Although you are still your parents' daughter, you are now a parent too, and you have a responsibility to protect and nurture this new life growing inside you. Now, as you consider how to approach your parents, continue to keep in mind what you have already learned: you made mistakes, but now you want to do what is right, and you are going to protect your baby. So make sure that your attitude toward your parents is humble, yet confident. Plan to begin by asking your parents to forgive you for being sexually active. "Mom, I've been having sex. I'm so sorry. Will you forgive me?" Remember, although the pregnancy may be embarrassing to both you and your parents, unwed pregnancy is not a sin! Your sin was premarital sex. After you apologize for being sexually active, say something like "but now I want to do what is right. Not just what is right for me, but what is right for my baby. I'm pregnant." After you break the news to your parents, be patient with them. Understand that they will be shocked, and that they may say things they will later regret. Even if they say something that hurts you deeply, try to remain humbly quiet. If you yell back at them, telling them everything they did wrong, you'll be just building a wall. But if they see you responding maturely to their emotional outbursts, they may soon come to respect you more, realizing that you're not their "little girl" anymore, but you're the mother of their grandchild. Expect them to be angry and hurt for a while. It could take days or months before they really accept you again. No matter how they are acting, remember that your parents really love you. Hope it'll work out :)

Answer 2

Yes, there will be tears, and some yelling, and some anger and some very hurtful words. Prepare yourself for some very tough days ahead. Your parents are the first hurdle, but they could be your greatest allie. Nobody else will be able to provide the support that they can.

I don't think much of your boyfriend. He has broken a trust and taken advantage of your young years. His actions in the coming months will tell more than his words do. It makes me sick to think that this man has done this. I cannot effectively say what I think of him.He is the kind of person parents fear.

Ultimately, the decision and the responsibility will fall on your young shoulders. You will mature much quicker through this and I hope you come out stronger for it.

You will need support from your friends and somewhere to go if things get bad when you break the news. They will be very upset, confused and sickened when you tell them. They will go through a whole range of feelings and will need to come to terms with it very quickly. Do not shut them out, no matter what happens. Remember that this situation is because you made a decision. Your boyfriend should have said no and told you to wait. It is a confusing time when you are 14 and it is easy to make some poor decisions.

If you have a religion, then ask for guidance from your spiritual advisor (priest etc). They can offer some great councelling and should provide support for you when you tell your parents.

After all this, please remember that the only innocent person in all of this is your baby. Take care of him/her and remember this time when you are faced with similar situation in years to come.

Take care of yourself as well. You are an important part in this.

Answer 3

When you tell your mom: 1. Stay calm 2. Write a letter if you need to 3. Make a plan beforehand 4. If you plan to continue the pregnancy, be specific about the future. Explain how you’ll finish school, provide for the baby, etc. 5. Bring a supportive friend or relative along 6. Tell her first--don’t let them hear it somewhere else 7. If she freaks out, leave for a bit and come back later. Hopefully they will have calmed down a little Telling your mom you are pregnant is one of the hardest things you will do. You may feel scared, ashamed, embarrassed, nervous, anxious, or depressed. You may feel like you have let them down or that she will never forgive you. Please remember that no matter what their initial reaction is, this reaction will most likely change over time, if you maintain a level of maturity and stay calm. Just make sure that you make a choice about the pregnancy BEFORE you tell them and don’t let their pressure of that of other family members change what YOU want to do, even if they lay some heavy guilt or shame onto you. This is your body and your choice and ultimately, YOU will be the one to deal with it, not them. Just stay calm, stay focused, and prepare yourself for whatever lies ahead.

Answer 4

Wow, I saw this one and had to answer. Everyone is saying that your age difference is a big deal. When I first met my HUSBAND I was 14, he was 22. I miscarried when I was 16. By the way, I'm 20. And where I come from, the legal consenting age is 14. When I first started having sex, the legal age was 16, and I was your age. So, with that said, research your laws and find out what the legal consenting age is. My brother and his girlfriend had a baby when they were both 15. Sweetie, you can do this and it will be an uphill battle. Your mom and dad will be a little upset in the beginning, but will get eventually realize the fact that you have a baby. I agree with the women who said, DO NOT scream and yell, even if they do. Stay calm. Good luck. Don't let anyone get you down.

Answer 5

tell your parents as soon as possible. what are you doing being with a 21 year old man. are the 2 of you aware that he can and should go to jail. if your parents alllow the relationship they are nuts and bad parents. you need prenatal checkups and they should begin as soon as you know you are pregnant.and now you know that he cant control himself or you would not be pregnant.when you do see the doctor have tests run for std's. i am so sorry you are going through this at such a young age. guys will tell you anything they dont get pregnant. alot of the time when a man is so immature that he dates someone so much younger dont be suprised if he is not there after the baby is born.

Answer 6

You just tell them. The longer you wait the worse it will be. There will be anger and yelling but it will pass. You are so young and your boyfriend, no matter how much you love each other has taken advantage of you. He's old enough to know better. I told my parents and it was hard. but it was OK in the end. Your parents love you and want whats best for you. I've been in your shoes and it was scary and I really hope I'm never in your parents shoes. But I know I would do anything for my kids. I'm sure your parents feel the same. Good luck and please keep me posted on things.
Tara

Answer 7

You're 21 year old adult b/f just got a 14year old minor pregnant. I suggest strongly, depending on the laws in your country that he see a lawyer. He's committed statutory rape in the US, and could be looking at a jail cell and a life long designation as a sex offender. He won't be able to raise that baby in jail, he needs to see a lawyer right now.

Your folks are going to be mad, and hurt. You sound mature but frankly since you seem to think "controlling" himself is appropriate birth control, it makes me think you are what you are, a 14year old child.

Right now the baby is more important than your feelings and especially the fathers. I would find another adult that you trust, an older sister, grandmother, aunt or even your minister and tell them and ask them to help you tell your parents.

Your parents have a right to be mad, you have just complicated your life and theirs. I would tell them just what you have written here. He may have alot of money in your eyes, but he's only 21, and working so who is taking care of the baby during the day while you go to school. If he is given custody of the baby that means you, or actually in this case since you are 14, your parents will be responsible for child support, health insurance and day care. I find it hard to believe that your parents will agree to give their grandchild to the man who took advantage of their 14year old.

Good luck to you and I really hope things work out, but if you really don't listen to anything I've told you here, please listen to the advice about the lawyer. Even if your parents don't press charges, the law in your area may not have any choice but to charge him with rape. He needs to see a lawyer now.

Answer 8

you have to tell your parents. they can get you the medical care you need.
what your boyfriend did was technically a crime - you are under 18- but maybe your parents and he can work something out. but you have to be prepared that this won't sit well with them. there might be a lot of screaming, threats and so on.
you could consider adoption. you are waaayyy too young to have a baby and there is more to rearing a child that making a good salary, even tho it's admirable that your boyfriend is sticking by you. it might be best for all 3 of you if you put the baby up for adoption. you are a mom now- you have to think what's best for the baby.
if you do keep the baby be prepared to work harder than you ever have and to never get enough sleep! learn to rely on family and friends who can help you. make your boyfriend step up to the plate and pay for things and be there for you. it sounds like maybe he will :)
p.s- if your boyfriend was able to control himself you wouldn't be pregnant. remember this for the future.

Answer 9

First of all what is a 14 year old doing with a 21 year old. He should go to jail. Second of all I guess he can't control himself that well if you got pregnant. And Third you should of been smarter than him and used PROTECTION!!!!! He isn't to smart as it is if he's going around screwing a 14 year old. I would kill him and you if you were my daughter. Anyway to answer your question just come right out and tell them. The best way is to just be strait forward and honest. If you are old enough to have UNPROTECTED sex then your old enough to deal with the consequences. No matter what they may be.

Answer 10

Wow, your boyfriend is way to old to be having sex with you. You better pray that your parents take this OK otherwise they can call the police and have him arrested for statutory rape. Also, if he can control himself so well you would not have ended up pregnant. Why didn't you use protection and why the hell are you having sex at age 14?? You are a kid.. your parents are going to flip out and I hope they do!

Answer 11

Sounds like you should marry the guy, have the kid, and finish school. Irregardless of age, you were playing with adult responsibilities and consequences. If he's offering to be there for you, ask if he's willing to prove it and marry you. Its probably the ONLY way your parents won't have his butt put in jail. My advice is to get that engagement ring on your finger, find out the laws in your state about underage marriages, and then tell your parents with him sitting beside you. You might be the pregnant one, but its his responsibility too. It took 2 to make a baby, and that baby deserves 2 parents that love it.