My 12 year old son is a lazy slob! He has no respect for anything. How can I get him to listen to me?

Question

My 12 year old son is a lazy slob. I ask him to clean his room and he goes in there and goes to sleep. Makes excuse after excuse not to do anything I say. The bathroom he & his sisters share was horrible. Towels on the floor, towlet paper on the floor, just a horrible mess to hard to discribe. He acts as if he doesn't care about anything. Punishments? Oh I've done everything but go to jail for abuse. He has been without his Playstation 2 for months, no T.V., & no friends over to play. I just don't get him these days. I'm not asking him to clean 24/7 but as long as he grips and tries to make excuses it ends up taking up all his time and he goes to bed with the room still a mess. My parents instilled fear in me and with that came respect. In this time and age what my parents did to discipline me is concidered abuse. If I can't correct this now I am afraid of the problems he will have in the future. Please any advice is appreciated!

I thank you all for the advice.....I'm his step mother to all who is blaming me. I don't like to label my children with the word "Step". I am correcting what his mother did to him. I have tryed almost all of the ideas you all are givin me. Please keep them coming. I do appreciate them. And why he has the PS2, toys and other items.....I can't help he get them as gifts but I do take them all away when he break rules and doesn't mind.

Answer 1

I feel your pain. My son is 12, going to be 13 in January. I took everything away, playstation 2, tv, mp3 player, computer, everything but school and football. It lasted 5 very long weeks and he came around. We still lose the PS2 every now and again but things are much better, and i can deal with once in a while. good luck

Answer 2

I read some of the answers...from grounding to taking things away..to blaming YOU for how he's acting!! He's 12 yrs old and some day SOON he'll finally notice girls and then he'll start to clean up after himself...Unless he finds a girl that is just as much as a slob as he is...which you PRAY he doesn't!! I wouldn't take things away...he'll just find something else to do...stop doing his laundry, shut his door and stop banging your head against that perpetual brick wall that all of us parents are up against!! He'll either out grow it...change because he has a girlfriend or continue being a slob...not your doing...My parents wouldn't let us do what we wanted to do until our rooms and chorse were done!! Try that...and stick to NOT handing him money to go do something until the room is at least a bit cleaner than it is...work together on this...maybe tell him...he can paint the room or something like that..but the room has to be clean BEFORE he can do this...

Answer 3

He's acting out what he was taught. Did you always expect him to clean up after himself? My kids aren't slobs because they are not given the choice to be slobs. So go change things. Take him to his room and tell him you expect him to have it clean each night before bed or the trash can will be taking the things left out. Then do it. If its expensive games and clothes, oh well. If all he has in his room is a schoolbag and a bed, oh well. Only buy toys or gifts on birthdays and holidays. Only buy new clothes if its birthdays, holidays, or outgrown. If he doesn't care how it looks, then why should you bother to add more things to his room? Not trying to be rude or anything, but sometimes a bit of tough love can show a child how serious the parents really are. Don't let him walk on you. And please don't let him push you over!

Answer 4

He's 12 years old and you are just now noticing this problem? It should have been nipped in the bud mom.

It sounds now as if it's a battle of wills. Make it clear that it's his decision to live as he does and stop cleaning up after him. Don't do his laundry, cook for him, drive him anywhere or anything. Tell him you are a family and as a family you all have your parts to do. If he doesn't do his part to contribute to the well being of the family, then he shouldn't benefit from it either.

Stick to your guns because if you give in once, you've lost it for good.

Answer 5

Does she get self conscious, and does she have any friends? I would be self conscious if I were her. Just make some random comment when she refuses to take a shower about how her friends probably think she smells and is ugly. If she doesn't have any friends then make a random comment about how she would probably have friends if she showered and brushed her teeth more. You could also make her only be allowed to get on the computer and tv for a hew hours. You could also make a rule that she can only get on the computer after she cleans her room every day. Hope this helps! She probably will get self conscious after a while, when she grows up so don't worry if it doesn't work at first.

Answer 6

By abuse here, I assume you mean a good spanking. I am sorry to inform you that the only way to get this boy's attention is to haul out the paddle and give him some licks that he will remember. A lot of kids don't respond to "punishments" like you have been trying to impose. These are like the sanctions that the UN is doing against Iran or North Korea. His behavior, if gone effectively unchallenged will deal you eventually more misery than you will be able to afford. Please don't play around here - you have to get his attention - it will not be pleasant for either of you, but in the end, he will appreciate you for it - just like you appreciate what your parents did. Spanking of a child is not abuse - don't ever let the kid think that you think that way. So the solution is this--
This evening, ask your son politely to clean up his room, the house, or whatever it is that he has been neglecting, and tell him in a normal voice (no yelling here) that you will give him three licks with the paddle (show him the paddle - and btw - make it a scary one). Give him a reasonable time limit to get it done.
When he does not get the task done (and he probably won't), walk over to him, and in a normal voice (again no yelling) tell him, "OK, you didn't do what I asked you to do, so now it is time for the three licks." Follow through with the punishment, and please make them hard enough to count. After dust settles, in a normal voice, tell your son to please do what you asked him to do in the first place, or you will have to give him 5 licks in a specific time limit (try to make the time limit less reasonable this time). Personally, I never made it to the second step, but if you have to repeat this as long as it takes do it - don't give up. If the spanking doesn't work well, try having him expose his bare butt for you to punish. You will not kill the kid, but it should help you gain control. If he is a large kid, and you think you need help to corral him to inflict the punishment, then by all means get 'r done. Like I said before, you can not afford to let this go any longer - I have raised three boys and 4 grandkids (yes, I had to spank grandkids because their parents wouldn't - they still love me and want to spend the weekends at our house). I am wishing you the best of luck in dealing with your problem. God bless you.

Answer 7

If taking his games away did not do any good, you will have to resort to physical punishment. You will not go to jail for child abuse if you do not go overboard and do not punish while you are angry.

Tell him what is going to happen if he does not act better. Tell him you are going to give him a bare bottom spanking in front of his sisters. You will have to follow through on the promise. With his sisters present, pull his pants and underpants down to his ankles, turn him over your knee, and paddle him until his bottom is bright pink. Tell him you still love him but this will happen every time he disobeys you. If he is too big for you to handle, have your husband help by restraining the boy. This is not child abuse but do not do it when you are angry so no physical damage is done to the boy.

Answer 8

I would suggest not name calling first. If you don't have any respect then how will he learn it? Have respect for his room to be the way he wants it. Tell him taht if he wants to live in slop then so be it, but as for the rest of the house he should leave it clean and tidy out of respect for others. Perhaps giving him his own space to do what he wants, he will learn that you respect his choices and will later start to do better.

Answer 9

I am near his age and I used to be like that. I was even worse. Some people take longer to realize that what they are doing is wrong. I recomend that the entire family does something together. Family counseling may help but yelling does nothing. DO NOT instill all fear in him at once. Coflict may be unavoidable but their are soulutions. BE CONSISTANT. No television, videogames, no cell phone, no homephone, no friends,and keep him in his room. Teach him that everyone is equal and he is very privileged.

Answer 10

well...
cleaning the bedroom? I had trouble with this as a child as well-
you need to consider the possibility that your child may just have a hard time finishing different tasks....try giving him one thing or one section of his room to clean....
for example, tell him to clean his clothes off the floor one day...then the next day he has to clean a certain type of toy, etc. etc. You may also want to help him get started on this task....
sit down with him...

Also, try making HIM responsible for cleaning the bathroom- this is a great chore that teaches children discipline without getting you reported for child abuse...
I found this great article on how to clean a bathroom- it simplifies everything into easy steps.
I would reccommend printing it out and giving it to him...then he has no excuse for a job poorly done..
http://wehow.ehow.com/how_2003082_clean-bathroom.html