Gimme a subject, I'll tell you a joke?

Question

Try me, i know a million.

Two boys were trying to figure out a rubiks cube. One little boy says, "Do you know what a p*nis is?"
The other boy says, no but i bet my dad does. He goes off to ask dad. His Father says, son I think your old enuff to understand. and the dad unzipped his fly and pulled his out. "son this is a p*nis, and not only is it a p*nis, this is a PERFECT p*nis"

The boy goes back into his bedrrom, shuts the door, and pulls out his p*nis. He says to his friend, "this is a p*nis, and not only is this a p*nis, but if it was an inch SHORTER, it would be a perfect p*nis."

I just told a camel joke

why did God make women pretty?
so men would like them

why did He make them dumb?
so they'd like men

A secretary started her new job at the police station. As she was doing her work, she dropped a paperclip. An officer walked by, unzipped his fly and stuck it in her face.
The woman said "Not another breathalizer!"

A homeless man walked by a trash can and picked out a rancid, week old sandwich. He walked over and sat next to a beautiful lady on a park bench. He unwrapped the moldy sand wich, took a bite and offered it to the lady, "Want a bite?"

The repulsed woman said, "NO! OMG, you are disgusting and smelly and nasty and and get away from ME!"

The homeless man said, "I guess a f*ck would be out of the question then, huh?"

I'm a slow typer, bear with me

Nietszche came and sat at a cafe and began to chat with a local farmer about existentialism. The farmer listened for a few moments, and interrupted him.

The farmer said "friedrich, do you see those cows over there?"

Yes, the philosopher replied.

The farmer said, "when they relieve themselves, they make big cowflops"

Ya see those Horses?, They make what we call road apples. And the Goats, they make small pellets. So tell me, why do they all eat the same grass in the same field, and the sh*t comes out completely different from one another?

The great philosopher leaned backed, took a drag off his pipe, and said, "I really dont know"

The farmer, clearly disillusioned, said, "You mean to tell me you don't know sh*t, but you wanna talk to ME about existentialism???"

A great theologian came to a small country church and began a long winded sermon detailed who knows what and basically showing off his great knowledge of greek and hebrew.

A man in the second row began to snore, and loudly.

The theologian harrumphed loudly and asked the man if he was keeping him awake.

The parishioner replied, "Oh no, I can sleep through boring sermons like yours for hours on end."

The theologian was p*ssed now, and said, "Sir I will have you know I have a doctorate in philosophy, religion, and I am considered the finest theologian west of the MIssissippi."

The once snoring man replied, "That's ok, buddy, that there bible says the Lord can save ANYBODY!"

A history teacher got up before her class and said "A job well done need never be done again"

A boy at the back of the class raised his hand and asked, "What about mowing the lawn?"

A man had a pet cabbage. He loved this little cabbage more than life itself. He took it everywhere with him. He would go for a drive, and the cabbage would ride in the window and the breeze would flow thru his leaves.

One day while driving, a car pulled out in front of them, and the man hit the brakes, sending the cabbage flying out the window. A car coming past them ran over the cabbage and mashed it flat as a PANCAKE.
The distressed man rushed it to the hospital, and the surgeons worked on it for 4 hours!

Finally, the head doctor came out and said to the man "I have good news and bad news. The good news is i think your cabbage will pull thru. the bad news, He'll a vegatable the rest of his life"

I just posted an Irish joke an hour ago.

Patience, i'm not copying and pasting these, I'm typing them!

I'll get back to ya on the marker stains, gotta think bout dat one...

can probably throw in the notecards with the marker stain tho... lol

A math teacher was very diligent about her procedures with her class. She stood before them after several weeks of teaching them long division.

She called on each of the students to come to the board and solve problems.

Bubba was having a hard time when it came his turn. The teacher asked him is he needed help.

Bubba said, "No, I just have to remember my gazintas"

The puzzled teacher said, "Gazintas?"

Yes, bubba smiled, "4 gazinta 8 two times, 5 gazinta 15 three times..."

OK SWAT

YOU GET DYLANS!

THE BEET THE HORSE, THE SCANDANAVIAN AND BUSH

CHECK BACK AFTER WHILE ON THE MARKER/ NOTECARD, MY FINGERS AND BRAIN ARE TIRED.

YA'LL GAVE ME HARD HARD HARD ONES!

OK now for the maker stains joke...

A man and a woman had three beautiful, athletic, blond, blue eyed children. They were funny and happy and simply wonderful, never causing them any trouble.

A few years later they had another child. He was born pigeon toed, crosseyed, brunette, none too bright, and terrifically uncoordinated. One day after getting marker stains all over every room in the house, the husband got suspicious.

He approached his wife, "Honey, we've been marid 15 yrs now and we've never kept secrets from one another. I love you so much, i will forgive you for anything. I must, with this 4th child so different from our other 3, did you cheat on me?"

His wife replied, "no, not this time"

You know, I've gotten no response pos or neg for the ones I've told... ya 'spect me to keep goin???

Answer 1

After seeing yesterdays' postings of jokes by you, I know that you can tell a joke on any subject........you are true to your word.....haha

Now.....tell me about ..phish

Answer 2

number 3

Answer 3

Nietszche

Answer 4

Marker stains

Answer 5

Pancake

Answer 6

Respect :)

heh, that was meant as an answer to 'ya 'spect me to keep goin???'
lol, I'd love to hear one on respect though :)

thumbs up for ya :)

Answer 7

history

Answer 8

i know +1 than u try me

Answer 9

the price of eggs, and a spaceship, in the same joke!

Answer 10

lol

my fav is the perfect p*nis