A Mormon friend of mine just went into the seminary, and I don't know if I should write him letters while he's there or not. He's infatuated with me, but I can't make him understand why a New Age type bohemian wouldn't be happy in a Mormon community. I'm not even sexually attracted to the guy, and it hurts him.
What with seminary and the actual mission, he'll be away for years. I don't want him to think I don't care about him, but I also REALLY want him to have time to get over me. Should I write letters or not?
I feel like I have to send at least one, because I have to tell him (yet again) that I'm not attracted to him that way and ant him to move on while he is doing his religious stuff.
At this point, what should I do?
2006-11-09 18:51:21 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
It's just semantics, but I have to clear up something. We have Seminary - it's religious education (usually in the early morning) for High School aged students. When one completes Seminary they have completed 4 years of religious education, not a mission. When one receives a mission call and gets assigned to go somewhere to serve a mission, they go to a Missionary Training Center (there are several around the world) for anywhere from a few weeks to a couple of months, before actually GOING on their mission.
It is much different than the Protestant version of Seminary, where they are college aged and have decided to become a preacher/Reverend/minister as their career.
Now, for my answer to your question.
I think you should send one final letter to him. Explain that you know that he will be busy during his mission and will need to focus on serving the Lord, and that while you are honored that he would think of you as marriage material, you are not ready to even consider marriage into a lifestyle that is so (drastically???) different from what you are comfortable with now. Explain to him that if he didn't have these feelings for you, you might consider writing to him while he's on his mission, but since he does have these feelings and you don't, you feel like it would be leading him on and giving him hope where there is none. Tell him you have heard that many missionaries get Dear John letters while on their missions, but since you and he were never an item, it's more of a Dear Jack letter. And as such, this will be the last time you communicate with him.
Don't leave any room for him to read into it that you might want to resume a communication or friendship AFTER he gets back from him mission. But try not to make it sound like you have animosity towards him either, unless you really do.
If he writes you back, don't respond, or tell others to respond on your behalf. Just cut off all communication with him. If he persists you might try talking with his parents, or if you don't feel comfortable doing that, contact the church and ask for the phone number of the Mission President of the mission he is serving in. And plea your case to him. He WILL get to the bottom of it, and you will not recieve anything more from him.
2006-11-10 09:20:17 · answer #1 · answered by Tonya in TX - Duck 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is probably a camp. So bring camping stuff, but try and talk to your bishop, or friend and find out. You wouldn't want camping gear if it were going to be held at a hotel like a convention, and visa versa, walls are pretty effective at keeping the mosquitos away. As far as tips about joining the church go. You will find that there are up times and down times. Right now as you have found the Gospel and have accepted it and have had that confirming witness, you are kinda going through a rush of emotions, or one of your first refining fires. Don't be too surprised when those endurance periods come along when not nearly as much seems to be happening, and the initial rush is gone. The Lord often tests our faith by allowing us to continue to approach Him on the waters of life (as did Peter in the New Testament). It is therefore wise to remember that after walking some distance after those first exhilarating steps on water that when Peter took his eyes off of the Lord, and started to become intimidated by the waves and storm that he began to sink. We often are required to make a long journey to Bethlehem before we will see miracles again. However, you will grow and learn how to seek the Lord and receive the assurances of heart that you will need to sustain the journey. The Holy Ghost is often a quiet whisper of encouragement in the background, something to pause and listen for, not always as obvious as the burning sun. Learning this was a huge help for me. Continue to pray and study the scriptures daily, attend church, and do all you can...then trust in the Lord and the blessings and strength you will need (according to your needs) will come.
2016-05-22 02:13:29 · answer #2 · answered by Christine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speaking as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who has served a mission, I can attest that many missionaries get Dear John letters. I'm sure you are afraid of hurting your friend, but if you feel it's necessary to make it clear that you aren't interested, it won't be the first time it's happened.
You might want to wait until after he's been on his mission for a while. Missionaries are very busy with about 10 hours of proselyting every day, almost every day, so chances are that it might not be necessary for you to do something that will take his mind off of you; his missionary work might do that. The two years of a mission seems like a long time, but the months pass quickly for the missionary.
It sounds like you want to continue your friendship, but you don't want to lead him on. If you still want to be his friend, I'm not sure that you should not write any letters. But you might want to control the frequency. It would be totally appropriate for a friend to write to him every month or two. Also, you would want to make sure that the content of your letters is positive and not focusing on any kind of romantic information. If he seems to be writing you too frequently for the kind of relationship you want, you can mention this in the letter and make your feelings clear if necessary. But, as I mentioned earlier, as the months go by, this might take care of itself.
By the way, missionaries usually have a rule that they are only allowed to write e-mail to immediate family, and snail mail to everyone else.
2006-11-09 19:08:42 · answer #3 · answered by drshorty 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I would say you should send one note to confirm things and carry on from there.
They aren't supposed to date while on the mission, so that lets out contact with you. Perhaps someone else will come along for you in the next couple of years!
2006-11-12 19:44:01 · answer #4 · answered by Buzz s 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO LETTERS
A clean break is kindest and most effective. If you send letters he may get the idea that you just want to be convinced of his religious beliefs.
Plus, every other sentence will be trying to convert you, you really don't want that do you?
2006-11-09 18:56:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Take it from an older woman with lots of experience, leave no question in his mind that you are not interested in a future with him. However you handle it...you need to put those cards right on the table.
2006-11-09 18:53:50 · answer #6 · answered by Esther 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
dump him like a hot potato. the mormons are very close-minded people who will spend the rest of their lives trying to convert you.
they are nice as naive teens, but once the parents get involved, you will never be accpeted by them.
2006-11-09 19:02:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Tell, him that you love him and there's nothing more you want than to have him between your legs. And quickly add, but your church will never accept me so we might as well part ways and move on.
2006-11-09 18:57:16 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
tell him to convert to another christian religion
2006-11-09 18:53:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 6⤋