I have a friend that really likes me and I like her to but only as a friend. She is a pretty big girl which I didnt think would bother me but everytime I think about starting something with her I can only think about her weight. I know that outer appearance shouldnt matter but it is all I can think about. I dont like being this way but cant help it. What do you think.
2006-11-09 18:36:27 · 15 answers · asked by NEED HELP 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Outter appearence does matter.......its not the only thing, its only one small part of having a good relationship, but it does matter. You arent shallow. If you arent attracted to her sexually from her being heavy, then thats how you are. If she is a friend, then keep her as a friend. Nothing says you have to be attracted to everyone no matter what they look like which is why we all have different tastes. Theyre probably 1000s of guys who wouldnt have a problem with her wieght because they like women who are like that...its all about your tastes.
2006-11-09 18:40:46 · answer #1 · answered by Thumper 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure her weight is the reason you're not interested in her? If you would truly like her, her weight wouldn't matter. But if your feelings towards her as more than a friend aren't very strong, then you might subconsciously blame that on her appearance...
If you know you shouldn't feel that way but can't change it, then I don't think you're really that shallow. Shallow would be like if you were saying "ugh someone help me get rid of this fat chick because i dont like the way she looks." Since that's not what you're saying, I don't think you're all that shallow.
2006-11-09 18:46:55 · answer #2 · answered by maethoriel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not shallow, because first of all you considered going out with her, second of all you sound like you feel guilty, most shallow guys don't care about the girl... once they've said no they move on but you've taken the time to even ask the question for everyone to answer. You're just human, if you're not attracted to her and you can't get over that then obviously she's not the girl for you.
2006-11-09 18:42:26 · answer #3 · answered by Bubbles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok - do want a real answer? Cause here it is - Guys like you are worse than dickheads. You do not deserve a woman out there!! Why is it ok for you to have a gut and not a woman??? And if you don't have a gut - well who gives you the right to decide. If you dont' like her cause of her weight you are a horrible friend. I would dump you in a minute and never speak to you again.
Woman who are overweight or on the big side are wonderful women who get hurt by men, the media, other women. No one takes the time to find out about our inner selves.
I have gained 30 lbs in the past 14 months( I am short and on the big side) and I have a man who will marry me. He is a race car driver in NASCAR, he rides a Harley and has a solid job and loves me dearly. He loves me passionately, our sex life is so HOT. He wants to pleasure me , and I want to pleasure him. It is not about the outside it is about the core values and personality of this woman.
YOU CAN HELP IT! STOP BEING BRAINWASHED BY THE MEDIA. STOP BEING A MOUSE AND BE A MAN!! MAKE YOUR OWN CHOICES. OBVIOUSLY SHE HAS SOMETHINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT HER SINCE SHE IS YOUR FRIEND.
GOD!!!! GUYS LIKE YOU MAKE ME SICK! MY EXHUSBAND WAS LIKE YOU AND I LIVED IN HELL FOR 15YRS!!
No matter what you do - do not ever make her feel bad about her weight. That is termed emotional and psychological abuse. It will make her feel unworthy of being loved simply cause she is on the big side.
2006-11-09 18:49:55 · answer #4 · answered by Sharon M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sexual attraction is a major deal in a relationship. If you don't find her attractive, don't guilt yourself into starting something. It's politically correct (among women, anyway) to claim that weight doesn't matter, but it does. Oddly enough it matters to women too, but they won't talk about it. You're very normal, and not at all shallow.
2006-11-09 19:01:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it is shallow necessarily. If someone is really big and you just aren't attracted to her, then that is just how it is. You weren't designed to be attracted to someone who is unhealthy...
I think when people are very heavy it is indicative of many problems. First and foremost being that they don't take care of their bodies. That is a big problem for me because I take health issues very seriously and believe strongly that we were given these bodies and abusing them is just unacceptable.
Maybe you could get her to work out with you or something, or play sports together and she'll be healthier and you might be attracted to that.
2006-11-09 18:43:52 · answer #6 · answered by Stephanie S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are shallow
too bad, you wont have the time of your life because of this
im sad for you and sad for her
in this way you both would have no chance for happiness,well if you really think this way i cant judge you really though i really think you are shallow
i mean we are all shallow in a way, i also despised a suitor just because he did not have a long hair, but other than that i also hated his guts and way of thinking , so i have an excuse, but for you where everything else is fun except for her weight...man im sorry really how could you be happy with that type of thinking
2006-11-09 18:41:56 · answer #7 · answered by haringmarumo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're shallow. You cannot help who you are, or are not, physically attracted to. I think you should just be friends with her and make it clear to her that you value her friendship but are not interested in her in that way. It will save her time and heartache if she knows where you stand.
2006-11-09 18:40:12 · answer #8 · answered by Rebecca J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope you haven't told her that, because it would hurt her feelings. I'm a big girl, not huge, but not small either, and I know it would hurt my feelings to hear that someone wouldn't date me just because of my weight.
2006-11-09 18:38:35 · answer #9 · answered by blissfully_rebellious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're only human. Some people like them big, you my friend are not one of those.
2006-11-09 18:38:05 · answer #10 · answered by Julio Cesar C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋