My mom is 49 years old, I am married and 25. My wife and I are trying to have our first baby and my mom has mentioned that she is too old to be someone's grandma.
She says that she doesn't feel like she has the time to be a grandma because she likes to hang out with her friends and live her life. Now she has a new boyfriend that she spends every waking minute with so I rarely see her.
I don't want her to take care of my baby, I just was hoping she would be a grandma to my kid since my dad is dead. (My parents divorced way before he died).
I am her only child so my kid will be her only grandchild. I know I can't force her to be a grandma if she doesn't want to be one, but what do I do?
Can't she live her life AND be a grandma? I don't need her help with my family, I just wanted her to be somewhat involved.
What do you think?
2006-11-09 17:29:15 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She is probally in denial and when you do have the baby, no matter what she says now, she will probally be a "granma" to it. So I wouldn't worry about it. She will more than likely have a diff view on it when you do actually have a baby. I have known a few moms whos kids...they were alot younger than you tho...get pregnant and the mom says they dont want them to have the baby and such but when they baby comes, their whole views change........my point is, maybe your mom will be the same way and her views will change when you actually have a baby.
2006-11-09 17:32:40 · answer #1 · answered by Mandy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your mom might get over her own life when you and your wife conceive. Let's hope so, anyway. It seems that she's being a bit selfish right now, but this could very well pass. Is it possible that she is concerned about you having a baby right now? For financial reasons, for example?
Let me tell you what happened in my life. My daughter is single, 21, living with a guy I don't particularly care for, he doesn't have a job, and she is now pregnant. When I recieved the news I was devastated. Mainly I was concerned about her well-being and about how much her life would change with a baby.
The baby is due in January. I couldn't be happier now. She is moving nearer to me and I plan on babysitting every chance I get, even though I am in grad school and work full time and have a teenager at home and a husband -- all of this takes my time, but believe me I'll find time for my granddaughter.
You're mother could and probably will come around. If not, maybe it's for the best.
Also, the fact that she is spending so much time with a new boyfriends suggests that she has some esteem or emotional issues she needs to resolve. Maybe the reality of being a grandmother will encourage her to grow up.
As for what you do: make mad, random, and abandoned love with your wife without the benefit of birth control. Often.
Best wishes
2006-11-10 01:43:12 · answer #2 · answered by mrs mylan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please try to relax. I said the same thing when I found out my first grandchild was on the way-all it means is that she is having to adjust her mental picture of herself, and our mental pictures of "grandma" are not usually very pretty. We all just want to stay pretty and young, you know. You and your wife are also adjusting your mental pictures of yourselves to include being parents, so you can kind of understand, only in your case you are not also being hit with the idea of advanced age that "grandma" brings. Be glad that pregnancy lasts nine months so you all have time to get used to the idea.
Tell her how glad you are that your child will have a young and active grandmother to spend time with; ask her what she wants the baby to call her...ask her advice on all kinds of details (ask, let her answer, nod and thank her, and then do what YOU and your wife decide) ask her what names she considered before choosing yours; just get her focused on the new little one to come. Once she holds the baby your new problem will be getting equal time...
best wishes and congratulations!
grandma cryllie
2006-11-10 01:48:07 · answer #3 · answered by cryllie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's suffering midlife crisis. I'm 47 and my daughter had my first grandchild last May. I jokingly tell people that "I'm a YOUNG grandma." hehehe
When she holds that little bundle of love in her arms, she'll come around. Just don't push her and allow her to feel what she feels.
I love being a grandma, but I didn't like feeling suddenly "old".... but it's ok. I'm going to die eventually too, and it's all part of life.
I'm going to send my little grand-daughter this elephant that's like a busy box, with all the little things she can do, 'cause she's just not old enough for a bike yet. LOL
Best Wishes,
Sue
2006-11-10 01:43:37 · answer #4 · answered by newbiegranny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I became a grandma at the age of 38! and I LOVE my babies! I am 44 now, & have 4 beautiful grands (2-girls/2-boys). I think you & your wife should have your own life, and have your babies whenever YOU want to. I'm sorry about your mom, but if she's too self centered to be thankful for grandchildren (the crown of a good woman is the blessing of grandchildren), then that's HER loss, you'll have plenty of people who will love & cherish your baby, including you! Gods blessings on you dear, enjoy.
2006-11-10 01:35:04 · answer #5 · answered by lizrdluvnmom 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
She will never be an involved grandmother. I had one like that. Warm and fuzzy she wasn't. No aroma of freshly baked cookies, hugs and kisses.
But that's the way she was & I really didn't know a grandmother was any different. She'll attend birthday parties, holidays & other special occasions, I'm sure. You really have no choice but to accept her as she is. Please don't make her feel guilty over something she can't help.
2006-11-10 03:56:45 · answer #6 · answered by Judith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
is really nice that you count you mom in your plans thats sing of a good relationship that u have with her but since u are married thats your and wour wifes desision a grandma is not just takin care of the baby, theres other ways of showin her affection with the baby (callin how he is, buyin thing that he need etz) that doesnt take much time and the most important of all to support u all the time
2006-11-10 01:43:18 · answer #7 · answered by shyboycap 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she is over-reacting but don't you sweat it. 25 is a great age to become a parent, and when grandma or granny or Nana sees her grandbaby, she'll forget what she said. Was she a good mom? I'm sure she will be a great grandmother. My brother was 37 when he became a grandfather!! Now that IS young. At least she'll be young enought to really enjoy little ones......
2006-11-10 01:37:25 · answer #8 · answered by dogriver 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I too think her mind will change once the baby actual comes and she is able to see an hold him or her. The way you make her come off makes it seem like she thinks she would be solely be responsible for the child and not be able to do anything else. That you and your wife would make her your built in nanny.
2006-11-10 03:37:31 · answer #9 · answered by Spread Peace and Love 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well u suerly can have a kid and when ur mom will see her grandchild she will be very happy to see him / her , right now whatever she think dont bother beacuse the feeling of being grand parent is somewhat very special
2006-11-10 05:51:32 · answer #10 · answered by engr_ehsen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋