my 9 yr old came in a few minutes ago and said something about this man he just seen on the discovery channel, westly dodd, that had molested and murdered 30 some odd kids..and i had never heard of him, so i looked it up, and we sat and read about it together..he asked me what molesting was, so i told him it was where he bent them over and "penatrated" the little boy...he eventually got really scared of what i was reading and said he didnt want to here anymore..they were 2 stories of how westly got the kids..parks, theater, hit home with him, becasue ive taught them these things to do, and it could save there life someday..this was some blunt proof of this cuz it came from tv, not moms mouth...anyway..when hubs came in, i told him what i had said what molesting was...he said i explained rape!!! not molesting...molesting was everything but the actual rape, once penitration happens, its then rape as well...? do i re explain this to my son, or leave it go...shouldnt he know the diffrence?
2006-11-09 16:36:17 · 8 answers · asked by Stacie 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I feel like he should know the diffrence, so he knows to let me know if even "just molesting happens" but it really freaked him out!
2006-11-09 16:39:05 · update #1
http://www.crimelibrary.com/serial_killers/predators/dodd/movies_1.html
this is the story we were reading, we read up to the third page...he couldnt believe he got the kids off the bike, it was exactly as i had always told them of why i dont let them roam around, even when they think its safe...i know better...and thats whats best...freaked me out reading about this too!
2006-11-09 16:45:33 · update #2
There is no doubt i agree with you milka! and these reading have definetly opened my eyes..there will be lots more discussion on the matter, the fact that he asked so many questions while we read it told me that they didnt know ENOUGH! and that will quickly change ive decided...i thought simply keeping them safe with me was good enough...i hate to see the day someone thinks of trying that with my boys..this article has really been working on my thoughts of a mother...these kids were doing normal everyday things, going to the bathroom in a theater, ect..its unamaginable...i will be talking to them both, i think its better to freak them out a little, but be more aware in todays times..but the more i read, the more they arnt going to like me!!! we are theater freaks, movie crazy, and i keep getting the heebie jeebies thinking about going! dont think ill get as graphic as the article got, but i think they need to know the diffrence, i want them to know its wrong if ANY of it happens at al
2006-11-09 17:09:40 · update #3
I agree with Graeme194.
My daughter was 12-13 years old when a co-worker, I thought was my friend, was molesting her. There was no penetration (THANK GOD), but there was alot of groping etc. We sent him to prison for 14 years. When he got out, we were going to put a restraining order on him to keep him away from her and my grand-daughter, but that would mean telling him where we now live, so he'd know where to stay away from. So we decided not to go that route. He now lives on the other side of the state. Also, because of California's Victim's Rights, he can not live in the same county or within 35 miles of her and her family.
Do your son a favor...TALK TO HIM. Tell him the difference and whatever you do, please make sure he knows that if (GOD FORBID) anything should happen to him, it would NOT be his fault. Make sure he knows he can talk to you. My daughter didn't tell me for 2 years because she knew the molester was my friend. I told her if he was really my friend, he would have never done this to her and I don't need friends like that...I do however, need her!
Good luck and God bless you guys! :-)
2006-11-09 16:59:52 · answer #1 · answered by Milkaholic 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Molesting is fondling but not actual penetration.
It sounds like either you or your husband need to talk to him. Those details can be awfully scary, and it sounds like it got to him. It might be a good idea to reassure him that with some reasonable precautions, he should be okay. You don't want him hiding under his bed after all.
At the same time, you can explain that even if someone only touches him in a way that makes him uncomfortable that he has the right to tell that person to stop and that he should talk to you immediately. That should deal with the problem without getting bogged down in the semantics.
2006-11-09 16:45:31 · answer #2 · answered by LilyRT 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think all a nine-year-old really needs to know is that there are sometimes horrible people who harm children, sometimes sexually. Beyond that I don't think he should be spending a whole lot of time talking about it and thinking about it and imagining it, etc.
It is difficult enough for adults to "get the brains around" some of what goes on. Children are not emotionally mature and not always able to appropriately process some types of information in too-much amounts.
There's a point where people don't really need the details; and particularly with a little boy and his mother, I think some caution should be used in how in-depth the talk gets.
2006-11-09 20:06:16 · answer #3 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
molesting is touching or fondling a child's privies, rape is full out penetration all though over here it's just called sexual assault. don't get too graphic after all you are talking to a 9 year old and don't want to traumatize the poor kid. sometimes detailed descriptions can be just as bad in a child's mind.
2006-11-09 17:00:14 · answer #4 · answered by nanabooboo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are an absolutely brilliant Mother for taking the time to sit with your son and talk about such a 'forbidden' subject. Most parents would just brush that under the carpet.
You are a great Mum (sorry for the spelling I am and Aussie)...
2006-11-09 16:55:42 · answer #5 · answered by Lozza 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Molesting is physical touching of genitals or breasts, Rape is actual penetration without consent or under age.
2006-11-09 16:39:33 · answer #6 · answered by graeme1944 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
yes he should know the difference. tell him melestation is when someone touches you in your private areas and fondles you and then tell him what you told him was rape. and remind him if anyone does this to him to let you know immediately. also tell him that you are telling him that to protect him so he knows what to look for so it wont happen to him. good luck.
2006-11-09 16:42:04 · answer #7 · answered by babyvoice69 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Just let it go. He'll find out through word of mouth eventually. How much did you enjoy sex talks with YOUR parents? They're also kind of traumatic in their own way.
2006-11-09 16:38:47 · answer #8 · answered by Amy 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋