i just recently started dating a guy who's been divorced from a bad marriage for a little over a year. He was married for 10 years. He says he's terrified of caring for someone or even falling in love. I've never been divorced so i don't understand what he is feeling. Will he get over it? Is there something I can do or say to help? or should i just leave it alone and hope it resolves itself? He never really talks about it and I don't know if I should bring it up or not. I think this could be a long term thing but I'm afraid he'll keep me at arms length because of his fears.
2006-11-09 16:26:22 · 7 answers · asked by happy_cute_mom 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
A bad marriage is a difficult thing to get over. Trust issues, doubt, etc are always at the front of the mind.. It took 10 years to build all the walls he had to build to protect himself emotionally before his marriage ended. People can be so evil sometimes. You live with them and they learn how to push your buttons. When they love you, they avoid pushing the buttons, when they when they want to hurt you, then they really know what cuts are the deepest. It is a violation of trust to use this information against you, yet some people do it. It is difficult to let someone get close enough to hurt you again if they know what buttons to push.
Trust comes with time. It all depends on how much time you are willing to put in. Just don't wait forever. He has to meet you half way.
2006-11-09 16:37:21 · answer #1 · answered by Mr Cellophane 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly where you're coming from. I've been with my partner 14 months and he had only been out of a 5 year marriage (8 year relationship) for 6 months. It was really hard work at first, his moods went up and down like a yo yo and even now he can be a bit distant. The best advice I can give is listen to your gut feelings, if without a doubt in your mind you feel that you are doing the right thing then stick with it, if you're in any doubt then get out of there, it is a bumpy ride with someone that has been through a divorce (or is going through one) but it can be worth it. Good luck and don't forget to make sure you get what you need too! :-)
2006-11-09 16:34:47 · answer #2 · answered by Seahorse 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like he's still carrying a lot of baggage & really isn't ready for a relationship again. He really needs to take more time & build some solid friendships 1st. That's what has helped me since my divorce.
Everyone is different, but 2 years, as a general rule, is the time that's needed after divorce before "moving on". (Heck, it's taken me 4 years - LOL!)
I'd suggest addressing your concerns to him respectfully & with sensitivity.
Realistically, you'll probably have to break it off with him or at least put it on hold. Even if it hurts, you'll both avoid a lot more heartache down the road.
2006-11-09 16:55:14 · answer #3 · answered by WillyC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm divorced myself, and I'll tell you this much, you'll never meet a guy who knows what he wants any clearer. The only problem, it won't be what you want. I still don't know what I ultimately want, and he probably doesn't either. But be careful. There are kinds of divorced guys. The kind that will marry at the drop of a hat now, because they didn't think it was a big deal, and then the guy who never wants to marry agian.
2006-11-09 16:31:57 · answer #4 · answered by Shadow 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I would listen to the advice he is giving you. he's terrified of caring for someone or falling in love. So if that is what your looking for he's the wrong man unless you plan on playing his therapist.
2006-11-09 16:30:20 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
stay away gal...atleast 2 to 3 years is what he needs to re cuperate
2006-11-09 16:28:59 · answer #6 · answered by serengeti 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give it time time heels all
2006-11-09 16:32:26 · answer #7 · answered by freeman3905@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋