I'm dating a lovely woman,but she has a brat of a kid.Should i dump them both?

Question

I'm the wrong side of 30,and feel i can't stand her 3 year old kid.We've been seeing each other for 3 months and i want to travel and experience places, that i could'nt afford to do when my own kids were young.I really like her but I can't see a way around the problem. Should i cut my ties now,before we all get "in" too deep,or should i go off by myself (or find another partner)and travel/have fun.

So many good answers,Some of you have raised questions that i'd not even thought about. Hollynfai you're right in most of what you say and came a close 2nd in being voted the best reply,but the winner was a guy(surprisingly). His last sentance really spooked me out.
Thanks for all your replies,i shall talk to her and explain my feelings about traveling and her childs behaviour and see how we both react. I don't want to lose her,but i don't want to regret not experiencing things either

Answer 1

Good question. I think that you have already weighed the situation through the pro's & cons. It would seem logical to be your own person but you also know that you need to take reponsibility for the relationship you have created witn this lady and her child. Im sure you realise also that she has a responsibility towards her child above all else.
Heres my advice.. You need to ask yourself firstly how hard it would be to convince her that her kid needs better discipline. Then, are you willing to assist her with bringing the child up? Sometimes the things we want out of life seems unreachable when we are faced with challenges or obstacles but we find that what we want may change as life goes on. Leave her if you must but Karma has a way of teaching us lessons later in life for the things we consciously do wrong.

Answer 2

You have tried for three months havent you! If it is not working now, it cetainly isnt going to get any better. Your dislike for this brat is only going to cause resentment for the woman, which will fester and get worse. Her relationship with, and love for her child is for life and un-conditional. Therefore, you have two choices: 1) Put up with it and try to get on with the child for the woman's sake and for the sake of your relationship; or 2) Get out while the relationship is still in the early stage. It will be less painful.
Bottom line is: Do you love this woman enough to put up with her child? You say that you have already had children, so it is a case of 'been there done that and dont want to do it again' syndrome. If my assumption is right, Then find a new partner who is free to give you her full attention and is able to go off with you and have fun. Life is too short mate. It may be hard to break up with someone, but look at the bigger picture here. Your happiness comes into the equation as well. If your happiness is being compromised, then break free and enjoy your life! I feel you have already answered your own question. Go with your gut instinct. I wish you all the best!!!!!!!!

Answer 3

Either you have a problem with young kids and just can't tolerate them, and should end the relationship asap.

Or you haven't given the kid a chance. Put yourself in the kid's shoes.

1. His mother and father are not living together anymore. A three year old doesn't understand divorce like an adult does. All they know is that Dad is never home and Mom says Dad doesn't live there anymore. Heartbreak!!

2. The kid has probably been sleeping with Mom due to the trauma of losing Dad. Now you come along and take Dad's place in Mom's life and maybe in Mom's bed. Bad move.

In order to make the relationship work with Mom you may have to get on the level with the Kid. Give the kid some respect and make them feel they have some say so in their upside down world.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

If you feel that you want to pursue the relationship for the sake of the your grl, then you must keep your patience..the kid will just do that to test you because the kid is insecure on what you are all about...you just came in the picture like three months ago and to a kid thats frightening..he doesnt know who you are and why are you with mommy and mommy isnt with daddy...if you are serious about this woman you are gonna have to deal with the child and you have to gain the childs trust if you want to get any farther in this relationship..in a way the child is protecting his mom...show the kid that you are not intimidating by the antics and the child will learn to trust you...try try try is all i can say...no matter what...be nice but be genuine dont sugar coat things...
did you ever see problem child?...one or two...its like that...the kid keeps sabotaging the man's relationships...until the kid feels comfortable in problem child 2 ...if you try then the mother will tell the child to behave...but remember you cant replace the childs real father....in time it will be a good thing dont give up if you are really serious about this woman...

Answer 6

I don't want to say this without coming off as rude, but honey, why did you get involved with this woman in the first place when you weren't interested in having small children around? If you want honesty, do her and her child a favor before you give them both a complex. Tell her why...be honest, but not rude about it...as in not calling her child a brat for starters. Just simply tell her that you are at a different stage in your life and although you care for her, having small children just wasn't part of what you envisioned. And then the next time, be a little smarter about the choices you make when entering into a relationship. It appears children aren't your thing, so find someone that doesn't have any honey...go travel...enjoy life. Because if you continue down this road, you are only going to be resentful, she'll become bitter and this poor three year old is going to grow up thinking it's all his fault. You knew what you needed to do before you even asked this question....now go and do it before you get in over your head.

Answer 7

If it's like this after only 3 months it's best for all concerned if you move on more hurt may come the longer you stay if you truly cared about the woman you would try to work it out with her child remember sometimes kids resent another man or woman coming into their parents life as if mom and dad were together that's usually the way kids prefer it to stay. You could have fun with her and her child if you wanted but maybe you do need to be free to just be. My grandson is 8 and his mom and dad split up not divorced yet he greatly resents a guy she is dating probably not the guy so much as he wants his mom and dad family life back. Also maybe the child is reacting to your feelings kids are very smart and know when someone doesn't like them

Answer 8

Absolutely cut off your relationship with her right now!
If you don't like the kid now then go no further. You may end up breaking up with the nice woman next year because you still didn't like the "brat" and think of the damage you could cause then! You could be hurting the woman and the child too and those hurts can last a lifetime.
So go have fun and forget the "brat" who is probably only jealous of you entering his moms' life.

Answer 9

Perhaps the little guy thinks you are gate-crashing into his world and rejects it. Perhaps then again he's missing out on something you maybe able to provide and can't fathom what it is ! Perhaps he too wants a little love and understanding thrown his way. When you date a woman with a little guy you must always make your way to her heart through her little guy who thinks the world of her and, that your coming on the scene, will eventually separate him from his only love that provides all his needs. If your dating means long terms plans, then settle for caring for the little guy too. If this is not possible, then, walk away slowly.

Answer 10

This is something only you can answer. But I will say do it as soon as possible or everyone looses.
The child may not think much of you either and maybe the lady is trying to think of a way to let you down easy.
Remember (if the time comes) this woman will choose her child over you!