My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 months. I found out a week ago that he had another girlfriend before who he had sex with for months. I am a virgin and assumed he was, and it was quite shocking to find out.
He is still friends with her, or at least hangs out with her with other friends from time to time. She is married. Their relationship was 4 years ago. He told me that he would not talk to her anymore, but he said he rarely talked to her anyway.
She got in touch with him either today or yesterday and invited him to play poker with her and his friends tomorrow night. She also invited me. He told her that I have an early curfew, and in response to that, she said I could spend the night.
He said that he doesn't want to stop being her friend because he would lose other friends. He said he doesn't want to hurt them (and lose the friendship) or me, but I'm getting hurt anyway. He said he doesn't want to lose his friends, but he doesn't want to lose me either.
2006-11-09 16:05:42 · 8 answers · asked by New mommy 2010! 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The problem is that his friends mean more to him. He doesn't want to stop talking to her cause he'll lose friends, but I'm getting hurt in the process. I realize that I've only been in his life a very small amount. His friends he's spent his whole life with are going to mean more. He's just hurting me in the process. *sigh* He says he loves me, but it's hard to believe.
2006-11-09 16:16:18 · update #1
I am insecure.
2006-11-09 16:19:00 · update #2
What's the problem, I don't understand. You could make a friend as well. Do you not like your partner to have female friends. Who cares if they have a past, it obviously is not an issue now. Why are you hurt?
EDIT - You said it yourself, you are insecure. I'm afraid this is not his problem, it is yours and you are going to drive him away. Would it honestly make you feel good if he gave up his life long friends because of your paranoia? You need to stand tall and embrace his friends unless they give you good cause not to. Like, I said, you may like them and you may get some close friends yourself out of it. My partners ex girlfriend and I are tremendous friends. I am thanful to have her in my life and not once have I felt that their past is an influence on me, nor do I compare myself to her in anyway.
I think you may be a bit over sensitive - after all 3 days ago you were freaking because your boyfriend's family ate dinner without you. Lighten up, girlfriend, it's not all about you.
Please allow yourself to gain some self esteem for the sake of your relationship - good luck to you too, hopeit all works out 8-)
2006-11-09 16:08:35 · answer #1 · answered by LadyRebecca 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't you trust your boyfriend? Has he given you a reason not to trust him? Did he actually tell you he was a virgin?? If he did, and you have caught him in a big lie, I would say you have a problem. If not, why make a big deal out of nothing? You have only been with this guy for two months, he was with this girl 4 years ago! And she's married now! Come on, give the guy a brake...Haven't you ever dated anyone else??? Either your real insecure for some reason, or you two already are off to a bad start!!
2006-11-10 00:14:01 · answer #2 · answered by sue d 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this girl may still have some feelings for your boyfriend though she's married it still might be something there, he may also still have feelings for her too, however i would not trust whats going on at all though it may be innocent but you need to observe and watch carefully...don't act jealous, don't act mad, b/c all their going to do is put it on you and make you look like the bad person...however you have every right to feel the way you do b/c you are in a awkward situation...and whats killing you the most is her kindness you can't understand why she's being so nice...she invited you to hang out...she even invited you to spend the night, if you ask me she's just trying to throw you off (mind games) she see's he has someone else so maybe she has a mission to accomplish, and your man is too blind to see, what might be happening here is she might be trying to tear you guys relationship apart... but she's doing it nicely,and what so cold about it is she'll still have her marriage while the both of you are broken up, so he may not have his friends after all since that seems to be something that worries him....think about it.
2006-11-10 00:41:00 · answer #3 · answered by tanya m 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, There is an obvious Positive trust issue. Which is quite rare. You need to stop being so jealous. Your here for a good time not a long time. So try to make some friends..
2006-11-10 00:08:52 · answer #4 · answered by xavierwold 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds a little self centered, if he already told you (according to you) that he wouldn't talk to her anymore because they rarely talked anyway then he shouldn't, other friends, card games or anything else shouldn't matter your relationship should be his priority. You have to make up your mind if your willing to share or not (even though your talking about a friendship).
2006-11-10 00:13:08 · answer #5 · answered by sharpeilvr 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you have a problem with your boyfriend hanging out with his ex girlfriend.. you need to tell him. If he really loves you, he'll understand and respect that. It doesnt seem as too much is going on with them.. shes married and she DID invite you over as well. If she was just inviting him, that would be a different story. You really have nothing to worry about.
2006-11-10 00:11:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may just want to keep his friends, Do you live in a small town? Try going and if you are not comfortable ask him to leave. And don't give in to him sexualy. He doesn't sound like he has all of his marbles,seeing a married women and having sex..But she doesn't either. Sounds also that both of them are out of your league. Try to move on with out him !
2006-11-10 00:11:36 · answer #7 · answered by ruth4526 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
YOU NEED TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT
THIS,BUT SINCE YOU ONLY BEEN TOGETHER A SHORT TIME THE QUESTION YOU NEED TO ASK IS WHY WOULD
YOU WANT TO CONTINUE TO BE WITH SOME THAT LIED
TO YOU ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON THAT HE WAS WITH
SEXUAL. AND STILL CONTINUE TO SEE HER AS A FRIEND
THAT PRETTY INTERESTED DONT YOU THINK.
2006-11-10 00:12:00 · answer #8 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋