My girlfriend and I have been together for a bit over a year and a half. We were seeing each other by distance (1.5 hr drive) and spending weekends together and when, in July, I finished my tertiary course, I moved to her town to further our relationship.
We've always been strong, we have arguments like others but through even work and joint compromises, work those out. However, ever since we moved in - I've felt trapped. I love her, but I feel like...she's excessively clingly. She won't let me go out to make friends or join local sports clubs and gets annoyed if I have to work weekends. I've dealt with it for a while but it's getting too hard to constantly put off outside commitments and things I want to do - she complains we need more and more time together. This led to a head the other day - my best friend back at home, who I haven't seen since I moved is having a party in 2-3 weekends time and asked me to go. It's for just one night - so I agreed. I told my girlfriend (cont...)
2006-11-09 15:28:57 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
...of my plans to go - travel back at about 5pm, go out, come home next morning. It'll only be a few of us and not even probably a big night. I thought I was being fair - I mean, I wouldn't stop her from having friends and she said I'm free to see mine too - but she basically hit the roof and went right off. Yelled at me, told me she didn't give a f--- what I do, that I can just go home and see my mates, that I should just "f---ing move back there then" and that finally she didn't want to be with me anymore. I was stunned - and had to go to work, so I shut up and went without a fight. Later, she calmed and apologised (somewhat) and said she was just "upset that we wouldn't have that night together." Before I even told her I was going, I made sure she didn't have plans for us already - and I confirmed that - but she got extremely clingly and said she couldn't cope when I go away for a night...etc. I don't know what to do - I can't become a hermit - but I love her.How can I deal with it?
2006-11-09 15:32:44 · update #1
Thanks guys, so far.
I'm secure with myself and have no problems with my girlfriend doing her own thing - in fact, I encourage it! So I really don't get this...
However, I agree she is extremely needy.
I've tried explaining - but she has a bad habit of listening only when it suits...if I'm trying to point something out (and I do try to be gentle - not pointing the finger) she'll ignore or diffuse it, rapidly...not address it or ask why I feel that way...
2006-11-09 15:40:04 · update #2
Wow..you sound like a very secure guy...Well you don't want a woman who is insecure or needy like your GF...uhm...it could get worse...dude..you need to tell her to stop being that way...cause it will just make you run!
2006-11-09 15:32:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kinda scary... You need to talk to her about. Tell her pretty much what you said in your question. You need to give her an ultimatum, tell her if she doesn't change, that you are going to leave her/move out. See what she says and go from there.
Honestly though... I know where she's coming from. I used to be very needy and clingy. My boyfriend ended up leaving me over it. I took me a year of the single life to realize that I had self esteem issues. But I got over that.
She's probably afraid of losing you (to another girl or whatever). Just make sure she knows you love her.
Good luck! *hugs*
2006-11-09 15:41:32 · answer #2 · answered by misschaos489 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her behavior sounds really unhealthy to me.
As a much younger woman, I had a few boyfriends who were too possessive. It made me feel like I was dying inside.
I think it would be smart to have a very long conversation with your girlfriend about what is reasonable to expect. Especially if you two are thinking of a permanent relationship, you might even want some couples' counseling. It sounds like both of you are unhappy.
2006-11-09 15:40:47 · answer #3 · answered by Ms. Switch 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, she sounds like my ex. Well you can try talking to her and reasuring her that you love her and explain to her you both need your alone time and friends time. It is not healthy to be like that. It seems like you really care about her. Take your time and try everyday to show her and reasure her. Ask her to just listen and for you both to just talk with no argueing. She may admit she has a problem and help her with it. Go to counseling. I lost my love, he was the most insecure needy, dependent guy. I became insecure miserable person and I know it. He ended up getting tired of my insecurities and called the police one day on me because I wounldn't leave his house and I never heard from him again. I needed that because I would always go back to him but now that he broke up with me he finally left me alone. He was also a dictator, who tried to show that I was crazy. I just think they are worth working on if you love them and dont become like them.
2006-11-09 16:14:21 · answer #4 · answered by Smile 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kyle Petty?!! You hafta be kidding. Also, I do not forget Mark Martin a pair years in the past pronouncing that part the men at the monitor would not have a license to force, allow on my own force in NASCAR. Also, someone truthfully mentioned Stewart, lmao. I could have got to move with Carl Edwards, Burton, Kahn.
2016-09-01 10:12:14 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really believe u should go. It's not like u are cheating on her. Sit down and talk to her, try to make her understand.
2006-11-09 15:38:59 · answer #6 · answered by Fallin out of Love 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to make other arrangements this girl is way to needy. her insecurity is so bad it will blow up in your face. get out now while you can
2006-11-09 15:32:51 · answer #7 · answered by rkilburn410 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow she is clingy..have you tried explaining this to her?
2006-11-09 15:33:55 · answer #8 · answered by sinful vampyra 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋